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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

 My mom and dad are both dying of cancer. my mom is much worse though and we found out very suddenly. Ethan cannot comprehend why he can't see grandma. It is breaking my heart. I also have no idea for how to prepare him. We talked about her possibly going to see Jesus soon, but he thinks I mean the baby Jesus. which made me giggle a little, but it's not right. He is 3. he has limited verbal understanding.

by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:06 PM
Replies (11-20):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Dec. 17, 2013 at 5:29 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry mama....hugs!

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 17, 2013 at 6:16 AM

 I am so so sorry.

Do they live far? Is there any way he could see them? I think just letting him know they are sick and being able to get some needed hugs in would mean more than you know.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 17, 2013 at 6:17 AM

 Oh ok..i just asked why he couldn't see her. I wouldn't know how to explain it to him. I don;t think I'd go into detail...just simply say that his grandmom is sick and wants to see him.

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 i will check with her oncologist if they have books. good idea. right now she has just been moved from icu because she had a large mass removed. soon he can see her again. but idk for how long. i'm an only child so i have to be gone alot to be with my dad during all of this. just 2 weeks ago she was taking him to a live nativity.

Quoting SamMom912:

Im so sorry. Cancer sucks. My MIL passed from a brain tumor.. 50 weeks of roller coaster emotions and heartbreak. Im so sorry your family is going thru this... BIG HUG. 

Why cant your son see her? Can you arrange for them to see one other? I think it would be cathartic for both? No? I would stay away from saying shes "sick" since everyone gets sick.. But other then that, all I can say is maybe the library may have some books for kids to help explain? 

Hospice came in to talk with my neices and nephews who were 3,5,6,8, 10 ( my 2 SILs kids) maybe u can figure something like that out? 

HUG. 

 

 

Basherte
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 7:19 AM

*hugs* so sorry momma.

My parents have been gone a long time. My son was 2 and didn't understand. 

My younger two didn't get a chance to even see her.

I have no clue how to discuss this type of thing. 

*hugs*

CafeMom Tickers
EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:27 AM
He can see her soon. She was in ICU and since h attends preschool I didn't want to risk her health or any other patients.

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 I am so so sorry.


Do they live far? Is there any way he could see them? I think just letting him know they are sick and being able to get some needed hugs in would mean more than you know.

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 8:29 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad my son got to meet them. I'm so sad they won't see any future grandkids though. Or see my son becoming the amazing person I know he will be.

Quoting Basherte:

*hugs* so sorry momma.

My parents have been gone a long time. My son was 2 and didn't understand. 

My younger two didn't get a chance to even see her.

I have no clue how to discuss this type of thing. 

*hugs*

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:18 AM

It IS sucky! Totally. 

My son has NEVER had a grandma... And It always boils my butt that no one LOVES him that way. Just sad. My dad is 16 hours away, loves Sam, but the distance doesnt enable them to have a relationship.. And we only see my dad 2 times a year.. Cause he is busy with his second family. 

My FIL is just a jerk sometimes. Doesnt like kids.. Not even his own.. Ugh. He likes them now, as adults since they dont need anything, but he doesnt understand or like little kids.. And is SUPER judgmental.. With everything.. Like when we bought a new car this spring, he was all, whatd you do that for, your old one still worked.. Eh, sigh... . 

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 thank you. i just feel so bad for him. my mil is a psycho who is not allowed in our house, i have no fil. this poor kid is gonna have no grandparents. how sucky is that?

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I have no suggestions, just I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you are going to have to figure this out for your son, and I'm sorry you're parents are dying.  Cancer is no fun.  Hugs. 

 


Basherte
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I remember all the good times. I know how my parents would react in varying contexts.

I tend to giggle. There are times when my son reminds me of one of them. Something he'll do will remind me of something one of them would have done.

My oldest saw my mom, but he was so young, that he probably doesn't remember her. (he was going on 2)

I am planning on writing down different things about my parents, to keep them alive for my children. I try to do the some of the same things that my parents would have done with them. 

Maybe make a book? Something with all the happy times with Grandma? 

Quoting EthansMomma2010: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad my son got to meet them. I'm so sad they won't see any future grandkids though. Or see my son becoming the amazing person I know he will be.

Quoting Basherte:

*hugs* so sorry momma.

My parents have been gone a long time. My son was 2 and didn't understand. 

My younger two didn't get a chance to even see her.

I have no clue how to discuss this type of thing. 

*hugs*


CafeMom Tickers
EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 9:16 AM
That's wonderful. I guess I've already been doing this because we lived so far away his first 3 years. Guess I will just have to keep doing it. It sucks having all this ripped away from him again. I did think we might skype today so he can at least see her while she is still alive.

Quoting Basherte:

I remember all the good times. I know how my parents would react in varying contexts.

I tend to giggle. There are times when my son reminds me of one of them. Something he'll do will remind me of something one of them would have done.

My oldest saw my mom, but he was so young, that he probably doesn't remember her. (he was going on 2)

I am planning on writing down different things about my parents, to keep them alive for my children. I try to do the some of the same things that my parents would have done with them. 

Maybe make a book? Something with all the happy times with Grandma? 

Quoting EthansMomma2010: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad my son got to meet them. I'm so sad they won't see any future grandkids though. Or see my son becoming the amazing person I know he will be.



Quoting Basherte:

*hugs* so sorry momma.

My parents have been gone a long time. My son was 2 and didn't understand. 

My younger two didn't get a chance to even see her.

I have no clue how to discuss this type of thing. 

*hugs*


EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 18, 2013 at 9:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Hugs. Your fil sounds like my mil. We dont speak to her unless we have to. After june we will probably never see her again. I am blessed that we have other great family but no one will love him the way my parents do. I am the only child of their old age and my son will always be their star.

Quoting SamMom912:

It IS sucky! Totally. 

My son has NEVER had a grandma... And It always boils my butt that no one LOVES him that way. Just sad. My dad is 16 hours away, loves Sam, but the distance doesnt enable them to have a relationship.. And we only see my dad 2 times a year.. Cause he is busy with his second family. 

My FIL is just a jerk sometimes. Doesnt like kids.. Not even his own.. Ugh. He likes them now, as adults since they dont need anything, but he doesnt understand or like little kids.. And is SUPER judgmental.. With everything.. Like when we bought a new car this spring, he was all, whatd you do that for, your old one still worked.. Eh, sigh... . 

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

 thank you. i just feel so bad for him. my mil is a psycho who is not allowed in our house, i have no fil. this poor kid is gonna have no grandparents. how sucky is that?


Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I have no suggestions, just I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you are going to have to figure this out for your son, and I'm sorry you're parents are dying.  Cancer is no fun.  Hugs. 


 


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