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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

please help!

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:58 PM
  • 9 Replies
My 14 year old son recently screened positive for being on the autism spectrum disorder, we are still going through the process of getting an "official" diagnosis. They are thinking he has aspbergers. He also had tourettes, ADHD, and some OCD tendencies. Normally I can deal with him ok, but right now I'm ready to pull my hair out. He argues about everything, things have to be just right, being able to transition from one task to another is non existent (ie hes organizing the books on his shelf, I need him to stop doing that and put his coat on because we have to leave... major melt/shut downs occur and go on for hours at a time.) I literally have to choke back the screams I feel rising up in me. I feel like the worlds worst mother. He sees a therapist, we do family therapy, he has a case manager, a care attendant, med management, sees the school social worker, Guidence counsler, and school psychologist. He has an IEP in place, and has an SED waiver. I just don't know what else to do. He is such a great kid, funny, smart, kind. Any and all advice is wanted.
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 5:58 PM
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Replies (1-9):
BDSMI
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:08 PM

I can relate--my 14 year old son went through the exact same thing--it was like he was possessed. It started at the beginning of 7th grade--and it was pardon my language pure hell.  I had the school calling on a daily basis and at one point they started calling the sheriff threating to have him arrested.  We decided to medicate him for ADHD and give him a dose of choldine to help him calm down.  I refused any hardcore medication that is used for OCD or anixety issues he has.  It was lots of patience and a very strict schedule.  We moved schools and his new school really got him turned around--they worked and worked with him learned his schedule but it lasted about 8 months and now  I have my sweet boy back and we have learned a great deal about behavior management.  Our biggest thing is we established a rountine that works for all--his behavior plan starts at home, continues to school, and back home no wavering he earns time to do his favorite things- we also give him 30 min warning we are leaving a 15 minute warning we are leaving a 5 min get your shoes on and coat if needed and a 1 min you need to head to the car---does this work every time no but it has gotten better--my son is ASD, ADHD, anixety disorder and OCD. 

jowen905
by Jan on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:48 PM

 I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.  You aren't the worst mother by any means - look at all of the steps you've taken and are taking to help him, and feeling frustrated is something we all have in common!   My son's 12 and has HFAD, anxiety disorder and tic disorder.  Over the last year he's become a little argumentative (at home only) but for the most part he doesn't like to get in trouble so he follows the rules.  But a couple of years from now and more testosterone, who knows?? lol

 I agree with Becky that a routine and strict schedule are definitely good ideas.  I always try to "front load" my son - e.g. you can play such and such for 10 more minutes, then we're doing this, going here and this is what will happen.  Sorry I'm not much help, hang in there!

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:03 PM

I like to read and found "the expolsive child" by ross greene and "no more meltdowns" by jed baker to be REALLY really helpful books for helping ME feel in more control of what happens in my house. I borrowed both from the local library, and then purchased cause I wanted my own copy! 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:15 PM

I would make a chart for him to visually see what is going to happen. Our kids learn visually and this might help with the transitioning. It's something that I am working on with my son. Maybe a therapist can help you set one up that is changeable

emarin77
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:24 PM

If he wants organization in his room let him have it.  He needs to have choices, that's why he is arguing with you.  This is especially needed in his room at least for school work and his books.   He needs to learn to make lists of what comes first then second to ease transition.  When you are taking care if a child or person that thinks differently then you let them be able grow the best that they can.  When he is happy and not arguing you will be happy too.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:50 PM

Welcome to the group!!  The only advice I have is to give yourself a break.  You're a great mom and doing all you can.  I would continue to follow down the 'medical' diagnosis path and see if they can give you any suggestions for him.   

karene999
by Karen on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:23 AM

My son had issues at 14 as well...It tends to be hormone related from what his Dr says. If your son is on medication you might need to change meds or tweek the dossage.

it will be ok...

Becky's idea of a countdown sounds wonderful...

You are not a horrible mother, you are a wonderful mother. Horrible mothers are not concerned with if they are horrible, they just don't care.


johnns
by Johnna on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:58 AM
Oh mama, your doing great! Don't be so hard on yourself. The other mothers gave some good advice. I have to say, NT teenage boys are a challenge in themselves- some of the behavior your witnessing is common in teens- THEY ARE A PAIN. When it comes to our kiddos and their OCD, it takes the patience of Mother Therisa! Its not easy to watch- not for me anyways. It makes me uncomfortable to watch my daughter have her OCD moments. I have to really keep her obsessions in check- not easy! I try to give her space to 'do her thing', but sometimes it just gets out of hand.
Hats off to you!! Got to be tough!
Hang in there mama!
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this

 I like this idea!

Quoting JTMOM422:

I would make a chart for him to visually see what is going to happen. Our kids learn visually and this might help with the transitioning. It's something that I am working on with my son. Maybe a therapist can help you set one up that is changeable

 

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