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Sometimes he just doesn't get it.

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:21 PM
  • 48 Replies

I am frustrated with my dh. He expects Jonathan to be just like other children at times. I try explaining to him that Jonathan is not like other kids and the expectations cannot be the same. Yes my son knows his letters and numbers but his mental age is more around 2 years. I know my husband is trying but the yelling is not computing with little man. He just doesn't understand what he is doing wrong at times. My husband seems so frustrated at times cause he is trying and doesn't know what to do but at the same time doesn't educate himself on autism. Just needed to vent ladies. Thanks for listening

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:21 PM
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by Nicole on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:47 PM
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I understand completely. My husband is the same. At times he seems like he is going to get it, and then I see that he doesn't. Sunday, he wanted to watch the football game and expected Nicolas to just sit down next to him and watch with him. Nicolas was trying to hard. He was crying because he wouldn't play with him, but kept coming over to me to help him calm down. It ended up in me taking him upstairs because he was throwing balls at us because he got that mad. I had to talk to DH and explain that he was trying but to expect him to sit there for 4 hours while he watches a football game is expecting too much from him. So, the other half of the game he did sit on the floor and play games with Nick while watching the game. I just think it takes time.

I have noticed that DH has to see for his self. He will not read anything about autism. But when he sees that the stuff I do actually works, then that is when some things get through.

Good luck.
by Janine on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:05 PM
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Hugs mama!
by Platinum Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:46 PM
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Hugs, mama!!  Understand completely!  In the same boat much of the time.   

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 11:39 PM

wish i could relate---my ex husband walked out in 2008 a year after the diagnosis stating this is not what he signed up for--he has only seen his boys a handful of times since then--

by Hadley on Dec. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM
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Oh ladies! I know so much how you feel! I feel like my husband is starting to get it, but his process has been very slow. It can feel very lonely sometimes. We watched a video called "Do it Differently" together. It is about 4 dads coping with their children's autism. It's really hard to find the video, but I think you can download it on u-tube. I really had to push (gently of course) to get my husband to watch it, but I think I have noticed a difference in him since we watched it. I think it was impossible for him NOT to identify with at least one of the dads. It's not too long either. If you can get your husbands interested to watch it, it might be helpful. It's the getting them to be interested that I find the hardest.

I find that I do all this research and try to implement different things and that my husband just doesn't seem to be interested and sabotages many of my efforts. It's beyond frustrating. We have fought like mad, we have been humain and discussed things too. It is just so hard to communicate!!
by Group Admin on Dec. 31, 2013 at 3:11 AM

yep mine gets like that too.  I am nervous about the follow up visit in February after my pediatrician was so dismissive about it. 

by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:49 AM
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My husband wouldn't read stuff either, but he had to learn, through experience, what is and what isn't. And of course I stuck up for my child until dad got it. Now he is one of his biggest advocates.

by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 7:51 AM
Hugs!!! I understand.
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 8:17 AM
I get it. We have a pdd-nos dx. Sometimes he can emotionally be cloer to 7 or 8 (he is 10). Understanding phrase or complixated direcrions on the other hand he is more around 3 or 4. Dh... well sometimes he forgets.

by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 9:03 AM

 Brenda, I used to deal with the same. As awesome as my Dh is with D, he is that UNawesome with our older In the beginning he just didn't understand and it seemed like he thought he could talk to and treat D on a normal level, but then would get frustrated when it didn't compute. Hopefully, in time he'll get better with J.

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