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Taking care of us...

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 7:52 AM
  • 17 Replies
2 moms liked this

We will go to any lenght to take care of our famililes but when it comes to ourselves so many of us are seriously neglectful. Anyone want to discuss this issue and how it effects your life? 

I am a single mom, balancing work, my boy, my health issues and trying to make ends meet. I can't remember the last time I wasn't tired.

How do you make time for yourself? Where is the joy in your life...?

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 7:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JTMOM422
by Platinum Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 9:42 AM

I see a therapist. I am not ashamed to admit it. After my son was born I suffered depression and anxiety really bad. I still do but not to the extent I did. I kept putting it off and putting it off til I finally had a breakdown. I needed help and got it. You would think I would take better care of myself now but I don't LOL. I still let things build up and then I cry over everything.

If my husband is home I go to my room read or write. I love writing and it releases a lot of what is in me. So for me writing is my joy

ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

My health has really gone downhill. Before I had my daughter I ate very healthy and even carried than over to when she was an infant, but the chronic sleep deprivation got to me and I started eating crap. I feed my family crap sometimes, I order take out sometimes because I'm just too dang tired to fix something. I do make alll my duaghter's snacks and baked goods from scratch because she can't have dairy. Amazingly I haven't gained a ton of weight but I think that's cuz I start gaining, then I go through a period of even more extreme sleep deprivation and stop eating for days. So my weight ro-ro's up and down, I don't get proper nutrition and I focus what little energy I have on making sure my daughter has the proper nutrition.

And sadly, my joy in life adds fuel to the fire because my joy in life IS BAKING. sigh.

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:23 AM
I also don't do anything for myself. I remember back in September when I found out Nicolas diagnosis. One of the psychologists asked if I had anyone to talk to. Because I felt over whelmed. I actually enjoy talking to everyone here. It helps me to cope. But the only real time for myself is an hour at night to watch tv when he finally goes to sleep. And now that he is in school I get an hour or 2 depending on the day.

But lately he hasn't been to school all week because of it being closed or 2 hr late. I wish it would warm up just a little so we can get our schedule back. :(
lady_katie
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:57 AM
2 moms liked this
I learned the hard way that the best thing I can do for my son is take good care of myself (and my marriage for that matter). Over the last year my husband and I have put in HUGE efforts to becoming a more healthy and balanced family in general. For awhile we paid for respite care out of pocket (until he started pre school which gives me 9 hours a week of "respite"). We have learned to say "no" to stressful obligations that relatives impose on us. We joined a church to strengthen our spiritual health and provide limited socialization in a structured environment (we all have ASDs), and we're currently working towards finding a reliable caregiver that we trust so we can have regular date nights. We have also improved our eating habits. I've been disciplining myself to cook from scratch more (I struggle in this area), cooking extra so there are healthily leftovers for lunch, and making fruit smoothies for breakfast.

All of our effort is paying off, and our son is obviously sensing that we're in a better place. His frustration has decreased dramatically, and he is progressing at a much faster rate now. He is doing SO much better than when we were constantly stressing ourselves out over his development.

Now that I see how important it is for him to have happy parents, I go out of my way to make it a priority. If I feel guilty, I remind myself that everyone wins this way!
NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:55 AM
I am definitely guilty of self neglect. I don't do anything for myself and when DH or my kids tell me I should, I make up every excuse not to because I feel guilty. That's crazy right, but I feel like any money that I spend on myself could be used to help my DD or saved for when the kids need something. It's the same thing with time, if I'm not constantly doing something for the family then I feel like I'm neglecting them in some way. My health has been affected and I'm still not quite sure how to shake these feelings. I was always a little neurotic when it came to my kids but It's gotten much worse since my DDs diagnosis.
aakeiser
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:17 PM
I have always been a person who burns the candle at bith ends. I have worked two jobs and at times went to school. Since my kids I do not take good care of myself. Part if the resason is I had to take care of my kids needs while dh slept because he works and I dont. I really think a lot of my health issues come from my younger years. I worked two jobs because I had too. I worked hard demanding jobs. Most my jobs where midnight shifts and the other job morning or afternoon shifts. Having a child with autism doesn't help. My daughter is hyper and just as active as my son. I feel like I need to sleep a lot and that is due to my asthma is out of control. Which I am working with a doctor to get it under control but it takes time.
Macphee
by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this
Ummm. Exercise is what keeps me sane. Zumba makes me feel sexy, yoga makes me meditate, weights remind me of my strength, riding my bike gives me fresh air. I also record shows for moods, parenthood to feel understood, reality shows to laugh, family guy for laughs, and documentaries for knowledge. Incorporating my NT and ASD sons also helps. We go for walks, so basic, but therapeutic. We canoe, fish, camp, have bonfires. After the kids go to bed, we play cards with friends. I think its so easy to isolate oneself because of exhaustion. Exercise is 3x a week, outdoors stuff once a week and socializing with neighbors once every two weeks... everything counts. My kid still whines, screams, has to navigate expressive language, but with family nowhere near, I ignore, praise, distract myself and try to stay balance. I have to put on a show or let ds have my tablet to take a shower in peace. But hey, adaption is key. Happy mommy, happy kids, happy hubby.
HippoCat
by Hadley on Jan. 8, 2014 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Way to go! That's a lesson for all of us! My goal for 2014 is to be a healthier family as well. 

Quoting lady_katie: I learned the hard way that the best thing I can do for my son is take good care of myself (and my marriage for that matter). Over the last year my husband and I have put in HUGE efforts to becoming a more healthy and balanced family in general. For awhile we paid for respite care out of pocket (until he started pre school which gives me 9 hours a week of "respite"). We have learned to say "no" to stressful obligations that relatives impose on us. We joined a church to strengthen our spiritual health and provide limited socialization in a structured environment (we all have ASDs), and we're currently working towards finding a reliable caregiver that we trust so we can have regular date nights. We have also improved our eating habits. I've been disciplining myself to cook from scratch more (I struggle in this area), cooking extra so there are healthily leftovers for lunch, and making fruit smoothies for breakfast.

All of our effort is paying off, and our son is obviously sensing that we're in a better place. His frustration has decreased dramatically, and he is progressing at a much faster rate now. He is doing SO much better than when we were constantly stressing ourselves out over his development.

Now that I see how important it is for him to have happy parents, I go out of my way to make it a priority. If I feel guilty, I remind myself that everyone wins this way!


darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jan. 9, 2014 at 7:05 AM
1 mom liked this

Taking care of myself comes right after taking care of my son.  I HAVE to make sure I let myself have some "me" time each day...whether that's running, reading a book, taking a hot bath, etc.  If I don't, then my attitude and patience level shows it.  My husband is amazing and supports me in this as well.

Macphee
by Silver Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:11 AM
A supportive husband really helps. During the diagnosis process, dh fought me on every specialist. We were at odds. But since he has accepted the diagnosis, he has been amazing. We even have code words for when we are stressed. Having an ASD son has cemented our relationship, almost broke it once.
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