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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

almost 4 year old non-verbal cries when I askhim to talkto me?

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 9:49 PM
  • 18 Replies

I dont know if this is selfish of me but my son will be 4 in march and still doesnt talk. I have asked him two times now in the last six months if the first time and when the second which was today he was going to talk to me? The first time I asked him he started to cry a little bit I didnt think anything of it. Today he was sitting on my lap and we was playing i was asking him where`s your eyes ect.. at the end of this plat session I looked at him and he made really good eye contact and held it there almost like he wanted to say something. I said Logan tell momma..nothing he just smile and laid his head on my shoulder as if he was telling me he loved me I replied I love you too little buddy. Then I asked him Logan when are you going to talk to momma? The look in his eyes broke my heart he began to cry and I was about 45 minutes trying to calm him down. My question is has this ever happened to any of you moms? I know I cant be the only one to have ever asked their child with ASD when will you talk to me? He has mild/moderate case I know its hard for them to communicate I just dont understand why? Im so desperate to hear my little boys voice again. Please help momma`s. He does recieve speech,pt,and ot therpy I cant say that anything is helping him. any tips I would love to hear them write (type rather) a short sentence ,a letter a book I dont care. I go through spells but its so hard to be strong all the time and this is my moment of weakness as I set here and cry!!!

 

by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 9:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Senile-felines
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
You're not a bad mother for asking him when he'll speak. I work in a autism program and love my non-verbal kids. I love all ages of them. I always talk to them like they're going to answer. For example: I said, "how was your Christmas break, did you open a present?" Than I said, "I bet you did, I'm betting you liked the gift wrap." Than I smiled and said, "one day, you're gonna answer me, you're going to surprise me." Than I smile and laugh. You should see my non-verbal students whip out colors, numbers, letters, words, shapes, etc. they range from age 5 on up. They are so full of knowledge and words in their mind. That's the best I can help you; my ASD son has always been verbal...
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2014 at 10:15 PM
2 moms liked this

Hugs Mama!  I've had 2 NV children, one with ASD and one with Downs.  They are now 5.  The one with downs still has no words or communication, but her giggle is THE BEST!!!  The one with ASD is still considered NV because he does not form his own sentences with his words but has echiola where he memorizes and repeats phrases to use at appropriate (and non appropriate) times.  I do get to hear his voice, even if it is not his own words.  It is a work in progress and time will tell what we end up with.  I certainly hope to hear my little girl's voice one day, but if I never do or until then I just try to focus on all the great things she is doing, and that keeps me going.  I'm sure your son is doing plenty of other great things that make you proud.  Hang in there, the rest will come when it comes.

Joni-mom23
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 10:37 PM

Im very proud of him. Im greatful for all the little things that would mean nothing to parents of typical children. I have 3 boys he is my middle monkey lol. but my only one with autism. I was so proud of him today we got him a lite brite cube for christmas to try to help with his fine motor skill and he tried so hard to put the pegs in the holes. I felt so sorry for him he kept trying and they would just fall out of his pincer grasp. He didnt even get upset. after about 5 minutes of struggling he walked off and I called him to come back and try again. After I put a few pegs in and removed them he was able to put them in the hole which mademe proud again! Its just a little hard for me sometimes as I watch my 2 year old do things that my little Logan cant. I do what I can to try to help him but sometimes I feel like Im failing him. I think he would love to talk thats why he cries if I ask him to talk to me. If you could have only seen the look in his eyes I think I really hurt him emotionally and that tears me up inside. I told him I was sorry and that I would never ask him to talk to me again as we sat there and cried together!

 

Joni-mom23
by on Jan. 10, 2014 at 11:26 PM

 

Quoting Senile-felines: You're not a bad mother for asking him when he'll speak. I work in a autism program and love my non-verbal kids. I love all ages of them. I always talk to them like they're going to answer. For example: I said, "how was your Christmas break, did you open a present?" Than I said, "I bet you did, I'm betting you liked the gift wrap." Than I smiled and said, "one day, you're gonna answer me, you're going to surprise me." Than I smile and laugh. You should see my non-verbal students whip out colors, numbers, letters, words, shapes, etc. they range from age 5 on up. They are so full of knowledge and words in their mind. That's the best I can help you; my ASD son has always been verbal...

 Yea I do the same with him but this time was a bit different. I asked him when he was gong to talk to me and this really upset him for some reason. He looked at me like mom you disappointed in me. Then he actually cried not like a meltdown or a tantrum like I actually hurt his feelings. I have never seen this in him before?

jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2014 at 12:13 AM
Maybe he cried because he felt like he disappoints you by not talking? Or maybe it made him feel bad because he wants to speak or because he thought you were already communicating well?

My DD has a really hard time speaking. She speaks but her intelligibility is extremely low. She is 7. I know it hurts her when I ask her for things she just can't do. I don't ask any longer because I want her to understand that I'm not disappointed in her. She very much just wants to know I'm proud of her & accept her as is. She wants to speak & works very hard with her therapists. With me, she just wants to be, well, herself.

I think you handled the situation beautifully. You aren't wrong for wanting to hear his voice & you weren't wrong for asking him. Now you know that it hurts him & you apologized. You had your moment together & you both learned something from each other. I do hope that when he's able, you'll get to hear his voice & that the day comes soon.

I still cry about my daughter's voice. She loves to listen to singing. When I think how I may never hear her sing, it breaks my heart. I can't even imagine the joy I would feel to hear her sing. It's hard. We need to cry about it. I have just learned to hide those tears from her to save her feelings. I imagine she still knows though, she's smart like that.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jan. 11, 2014 at 4:01 AM
2 moms liked this

Hugs mama!  My 5 year old is nonverbal.  He "talks" to me in his own way...with his eyes, his motions, his laughter, etc.  I've never really asked him when he will talk to me as he wouldn't understand it anyway.  Hugs!

Jenn8604
by on Jan. 11, 2014 at 4:14 AM
Hugs! My ds didn't start talking besides mama, up, no, and car til about 4 (when he regressed and stopped talking those were the words he kept) Then he started with more words. Now at 5.5 he can use small sentences to ask for things. He can only answer yes and no questions and cannot carry on a conversation, YET. I have faith he will one day. Even if it's not until he's 102. I believe ONE DAY he will.
Just keep working with him.
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lucasmadre
by Kari on Jan. 12, 2014 at 5:22 PM

I don't know who I feel worse for, you or your son. My son was always verbal so I don't have advice but I do have sympathy. It sounds like he wants so bad to speak, maybe he is afraid? Afraid to make a mistake? Do you think he understands everything you say to him? I wonder if you should try and teach him some other way of communication like using cards with pictures and words on them so he can communicate his feeling and wishes...my heart goes out to you. You said you wished you could hear his voice again, did he talk at one time? 

Good luck honey. Sometimes we have to just go on faith that things will get better. I will say a little prayer for you guys.  XO

NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Jan. 12, 2014 at 9:00 PM
Don't feel bad, it wasn't said in anyway to upset him, it's just a part of the way you were communicating with him in that moment and unfortunately his response wasn't expected. My DD is the same age and is nonverbal also. There have been moments when I am talking to her and I will ask her the same thing, not expecting a response or an answer but just speaking my wishes out loud. She just looks at me like she is trying to understand what I am saying. It is very hard and I've struggled with this as well because she did have words; mama, dada, cup, etc and just lost it all at around 18 months. My grandson is the same age and there are times that I am reminded of how delayed she is by watching him and how easy things are for him and all of his new accomplishments, while she's still struggling with the basics. I am still patiently waiting to hear her voice again, but I have learned to be content with the communication she does have; the smiles, the laughs, the hugs, the way she'll take my hand and guide me to what she wants, and the way she looks at me when she is super alert and her eye contact is really good. I'm holding on to hope as well, but for now I try to put more emphasis on what she can do, rather than what she can't. You're not alone, hugs!
johnns
by Johnna on Jan. 13, 2014 at 6:12 AM
I'd say he was upset for not being able to communicate. I think a lot of their meltdowns can sometimes be the cause of NOT being able to speak.

You didn't do anything wrong.
My Sally didn't start talking till around 4. Her vocabulary grows everyday.
Hang in there mama, don't be so hard on yourself.
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