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Is it worth it? Update

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:05 PM
  • 20 Replies
I am really at a point that I don't know what to do. I am going through one battle after another. The private school made me fight to get the teacher to put up a visual schedule for Nicolas. Then we had several talks/discussions/arguments over Nicolas having his own snack and why. They even made me go to the psychologist describing what eating disorder Nicolas has and why we need to let him have my snack and give him their snack if he asks for it. Now, they are fighting me with his allergy. He has an allergy and everything always comes back to the feeding issue. So, now they don't want him to have any foods that the other parents make. Even though all the parents know about the allergy. It is tree nuts. The allergy isn't severe and it upsets me knowing that when they celebrate a birthday, that he won't be allowed a cupcake.

So, I told her that they can give me the contact info for the parent bringing in the stuff and I can ask if it has tree nuts. So, now I think the teacher is supposed to find out ahead of time what is being brought in.

It just seems like now they are trying to do anything that they can to make me miserable. I don't know how much more fighting I can do!

Update:

Well, I called the director today. I came off telling her that I was thinking about the issue with the parent made snacks. And that I will just send in a Reese cup so that he also has another snack just like the rest of the kids having a special snack. That is his favorite. I could tell that she didn't like it, but said that they haven't heard from the other parent yet. I made sure that if anything was store bought, then Nick would be offered what everyone else gets. I then asked her why this is an issue now and all the other times he has been given whatever the parents brought in. She then tells me that the other cupcakes were store bought. NO THEY WERENT! I was there when the parent brought them in. We argued about that for a few. Then I asked why can't she have a rule that everyone has to bring store brought items in because of allergies. That I know Nicolas can't be the only one there with this issue. She said she brought up this same issue with the board and it will probably be no birthday snack at all because of all these problems! She insinuated that I am the reason for this. I again mentioned the store bought item thing and told her that this will solve the allergy problem. I am drained today already. In going to send a Reese cup in with nick tomorrow and hope he doesn't have a meltdown at snack time. :/
by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Momof4AEMW
by Silver Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:20 PM
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I get it, I fight the school non-stop and just got chewed out by my own doc today that my BP is through the roof because of it.  We fight for our kids, that's just part of it.  It is hard not to give up.  But I have also learned to pick my battles and really decide what the important things are as there are just too many if all tackled.  If this one is an important one to you, then you'll keep fighting.  If not, save your energy for the next big one.  Hopefully it will level out soon.  Hugs!!  It's a long road Mama!

But the nut thing, I see what you are saying, but I see it from their side too.  I mean, I have the peanut/tree nut severe allergy kid so I'm fighting the opposite to make sure none of it get to him and he is not allowed anything without a lable that they can insure is not cross contaminated.  But from a school perspective, your child has a known food allergy and you could come back on them if they gave it to him, knowingly or unknowingly in this case.  You can ask a parent about the tree nut thing, doesn't mean it will still be ok.  Parents of children that do not have food allergies do not understand what to look for the same way, and it doesn't mean they aren't using the same mixer or counter or something that  just had nuts on it prior that could cause a problem for your son.  The school is just protecting themselves and your son by saying he can't have it.  I just stash a box of 'approved' cupcakes for my son at school so when they have a treat brought in he can have one of those.  He's happy with his cupcake that is his favorite so does not care it is not the exact same as theirs - probably likes his better anyway. 

wildchild.com
by Janine on Jan. 28, 2014 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs mama!
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Jan. 28, 2014 at 10:54 PM


Thank you for understanding. I totally get why a regular place does things like that with allergies. This place has known about his allergy since Sept. There has been no issue with him getting the cup cakes and whatever comes in there until now. I just think that is weird. His allergy is only tree nuts and he can have peanuts. It makes it seem like someone is doing this because of everything going on.

Like I said, I do get it. I was reading your post and trying to think about a different way without having to totally keep fighting. Because Nicolas really doesn't eat cupcakes anyway. But he likes the idea of it and wants it because the other kids have it. So, I was trying to think of something else that he can have when they are celebrating a birthday. I know they aren't going to like it though. I think I will talk to them about me sending an extra snack in those days and he will be able to have a reese cup. He loves those. That might make it a little easier when they tell him he can't have it.

I hate doing this with food. I have struggled for so long for him to be interested in anything. So, it is hard for me to know that he might have a meltdown because he wants a food item and can't have it.

Thanks again for the insight.

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I get it, I fight the school non-stop and just got chewed out by my own doc today that my BP is through the roof because of it.  We fight for our kids, that's just part of it.  It is hard not to give up.  But I have also learned to pick my battles and really decide what the important things are as there are just too many if all tackled.  If this one is an important one to you, then you'll keep fighting.  If not, save your energy for the next big one.  Hopefully it will level out soon.  Hugs!!  It's a long road Mama!

But the nut thing, I see what you are saying, but I see it from their side too.  I mean, I have the peanut/tree nut severe allergy kid so I'm fighting the opposite to make sure none of it get to him and he is not allowed anything without a lable that they can insure is not cross contaminated.  But from a school perspective, your child has a known food allergy and you could come back on them if they gave it to him, knowingly or unknowingly in this case.  You can ask a parent about the tree nut thing, doesn't mean it will still be ok.  Parents of children that do not have food allergies do not understand what to look for the same way, and it doesn't mean they aren't using the same mixer or counter or something that  just had nuts on it prior that could cause a problem for your son.  The school is just protecting themselves and your son by saying he can't have it.  I just stash a box of 'approved' cupcakes for my son at school so when they have a treat brought in he can have one of those.  He's happy with his cupcake that is his favorite so does not care it is not the exact same as theirs - probably likes his better anyway. 



mypbandj
by Jen on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:34 PM
My sons preschool is a nut free zone. They have giant signs posted before you walk in. And everyone is told NO NUTS when bringing snacks. I rely think this policy is the new future. Why can't your school just make a no nut policy too? They really sound ridiculous.
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TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jan. 29, 2014 at 5:42 AM
1 mom liked this

 Although D is my autistic one, it's my daughter who had a severe allergy to tree/peanuts etc...also had dermagraphia which meant that potentially anything could trigger a reaction. What each teacher did without problem was to send a letter for each party saying that there was a student with an allergy and to please not send in anything containing these. I also have always been a room mother and always told the other mothers my problem and volunteered to make any baked goods we had.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 7:48 AM

Will he go there next year? Do you only have 5 months left. I hate them and find them to be so frustrating.. I cant imagine dealing with.. It would ADD to my misery and take away from the oeacefulness Im trying to find... 

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:16 AM
Well, I was going to ask them today why don't they have it so everything has to be store bought. Because they kept telling me that they don't know what is in something that the parents made.

Quoting mypbandj: My sons preschool is a nut free zone. They have giant signs posted before you walk in. And everyone is told NO NUTS when bringing snacks. I rely think this policy is the new future. Why can't your school just make a no nut policy too? They really sound ridiculous.
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:18 AM
The teacher has sent out 2-3 emails this year reminding parents that there is a child with tree nut allergy. And not to send anything in. I'm not sure why there is an issue now.

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 Although D is my autistic one, it's my daughter who had a severe allergy to tree/peanuts etc...also had dermagraphia which meant that potentially anything could trigger a reaction. What each teacher did without problem was to send a letter for each party saying that there was a student with an allergy and to please not send in anything containing these. I also have always been a room mother and always told the other mothers my problem and volunteered to make any baked goods we had.

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I hate to say that he will probably be going next year. I truthfully think once he can get a different teacher, it will be better.

Quoting SamMom912:

Will he go there next year? Do you only have 5 months left. I hate them and find them to be so frustrating.. I cant imagine dealing with.. It would ADD to my misery and take away from the oeacefulness Im trying to find... 

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:21 AM

Then these fights are an investment. Ok. :) 

Quoting Nickmom1118: I hate to say that he will probably be going next year. I truthfully think once he can get a different teacher, it will be better.

Quoting SamMom912:

Will he go there next year? Do you only have 5 months left. I hate them and find them to be so frustrating.. I cant imagine dealing with.. It would ADD to my misery and take away from the oeacefulness Im trying to find... 


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