Help from the moms that got help
Those of you who are in therapy or on medication for anxiety or depression ....... from the overwhelming stress in your life, how did you get help? How did you admit to your spouse you couldn't handle your feelings on your own? Who watches your kids when you go to therapy sessions for yourself? What did you do to make sure your children were safe while you tried out medications to make sure you didn't have any adverse reactions? ( I was put on an antidepressant in high school that made me somewhat homicidal )
Ladies, I'm drowning here. I've been telling myself since my daughter got diagnosed that I just had to make it to when we moved. That once we got moved, I could get the right therapies for her and everything would be okay. And in the meantime to do the best I could doing therapy at home. I started floortime therapy, I read books on autism. I've been finding creative ways to hide nutritious foods into her limited diet. I've worked on trying to get her to actually try said nutritous foods. But I'm tired. I'm tired of reading. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of getting up everyday and it being all on me to make sure my daughter is succeeding. I feed my daughter her yogurt because I'm tired of trying to show her how to use a spoon. I've fed her french fries with half her meals with week because I'm tired of being creative. My ECI team is a joke. I love the OT but we only see her once every other week. Speech we only have once a week and even though the speech therapist did a great job of introducing PECS, but once he introduced it, I guess he just left it up to me to continue with it because he no longer uses it at all during our sessions. I should have booted him a long time ago but it took my daughter so freakin long to warm up to any of her therapists I thought she'd get more from these than having to start all over and get used to new ones.
We move next month but I don't think moving is going to make my feelings go away anymore. The recent playdates have been a harsh reminder of who my daughter isn't and it's getting hard to see who she is. I have all these negative emotions building inside me and I HATE them but they are there and I can't deny that any longer. I need help but I don't know how to ask. I cry everyday ...... not necessarily about my daughter but just because I feel like the only thing I can do is cry. And I'm scared. I'm scared my husband's going to tell me that since he's giving me what I wanted and I'm still not happy then I'll just never be happy. I'm afraid my doctor is going to tell me that's just life and to deal with it. I'm afraid nobody's going to understand. I tried to join the nearby autism support group but I've received no reply so I think it may have shut down.
Please help, I don't know what to do.