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autism vs. NOT autism

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:25 PM
  • 27 Replies
1 mom liked this

I thought you guys would appreciate this experience that I had this week. Most of you already know that I have aspergers. 

So, my inlaws are visiting from out of town this weekend. Admittedly, I am VERY rigid about their visits. I usually start planning every little detail at least a week in advance, especially what I'm going to cook for them. I always vow to at least try to be a little bit more flexible about it because plans always inevitably change by the time they actually get here. This time is no exception. I figured out our meals (with back up meal plans so I didn't have to freak out if things DID change), and I figured out exactly how much to buy, where and when to buy it, and the way to save the most money doing so. All of this took a lot of time and effort, and I was finally starting to feel like I was mentally prepared and good to go. Well, of course, my mother in law at that point volunteers to babysit on Saturday so that my husband and I could go out on a date. She told me not to worry about dinner that night and that she would bring something for them to eat.

GRRRRRRRR. Okay. things could be worse. I didn't actually BUY the food yet. At least we get to go out for a change. I then spent the next two days meticulously planning our date lol. 

So then today, I get a text message a 1/2 hour before my inlaws are planning to leave their house saying that my mother in law thinks she *might* know what she wants to bring for them for dinner on Saturday. She's leaving in a half hour and she still doesn't have a set plan!! I cannot wrap my head around this kind of thinking. My idea of "flexibility" is having a 'back up' meal plan 5 days in advance hahaha, and then I get these little glimpses into what true flexibility looks like and it just blows my mind. It gives me anxiety to even think about living my life in that way!!!! 

Just thought I'd share. I know you guys get it :P 

by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Huh, I'm this way but I always thought it was due to me probably having an anxiety disorder. I also freak out over people being late. I want to know when people are going to be at my house, or when they are going to be at a meeting place, and I get very upset if they're late. And sometimes when I've been late, I've refused to actually go into the place I was planning on going because I was late and I thought it was better to not go at all then to be late.

I've not been this way lately but I think its because I'm depressed and when i'm really depressed I don't care about anything.

samomama
by Sally on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:56 PM

As if I listen to my husband talking! I belive he is undiagnosed Aspie. OMG, he has to have everything planned in advance, especially when it comes to people visiting. As soon as somebody announces a visit, he starts planning.. What can we do? Where can we take them? What will we serve for meals? I have learn over the years that there is not much I can do to help him with this. I wish I could. And I wish I could help you! And my son!

Tell me one thing. Have you changed over the years? In what way has motherhood affected your behavior (if at all)? I have noticed DH's been more anxious after DS was born.

Hugs to you, hun! I hope the visit goes way smoother for you than you anticipate! And happy V-Day!

Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:59 PM

Um...I'm pretty sure I would drive you crazy ;). I think I drive my son with autism crazy, I am just super laid back and I never know what I am doing ahead of time..I always blame it on my ADD (not dx but pretty sure I have it).. I am so indecisive and forgetful..its a good thing  my hubby is always on the ball, although laid back as well..my kids are actually pretty laid back..Ashton is the most rigid because of autism but compared to other kids I know on the spectrum I think he is a bit more laid back. Anyway, I sometimes am coming up with something to make for a pot luck hours before and when I don't have an ingredient I send my hubby out for it..I am way to underprepared most of the time! 

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Feb. 14, 2014 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I totally understand. I would be going crazy! I think I'm undiagnosed aspie. I have so much anxiety with not knowing what I'm doing. And I have to have control. I see nick and I are going to have problems later. :)
A_McCool
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:09 PM
5 moms liked this

Wait... wait.... wait.... You mean having backup plans for my backup plans isn't being flexible?  Surely, you jest...lol

lady_katie
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:16 PM

I'm the same way with being on time for things! I try to leave extra early so that I can sit in the parking lot until just the right moment to go in and be on time haha. Being late is SO stressful to me and it always feels like others who are late are being inconsiderate even though I know they probably just don't see it the same way as me. 

Depression definitely sucks the motivation and energy out of you. I really hope that you feel better, I know how difficult depression can be.

Quoting ineedcoffeemom:

Huh, I'm this way but I always thought it was due to me probably having an anxiety disorder. I also freak out over people being late. I want to know when people are going to be at my house, or when they are going to be at a meeting place, and I get very upset if they're late. And sometimes when I've been late, I've refused to actually go into the place I was planning on going because I was late and I thought it was better to not go at all then to be late.

I've not been this way lately but I think its because I'm depressed and when i'm really depressed I don't care about anything.


03071012
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:21 PM
I am very much like you. I can't devote the amount of time I would like into planning every second of every day because I have four kids and three of them are autistic. So, I do just the opposite and float along. Which is even more frustrating for me and them. Also, if I plan a routine, I have to rigidly stick to it and they all resist it wanting to rigidly stick to their self imposed routine. I have not been able to figure out how to meet every one in the middle, so I just don't. I have not been evaluated yet, but I am pretty sure I have aspergers.
lady_katie
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:23 PM

I've become more rigid over the years. I think it's at least partially due to learning that being rigid helps me to control my anxiety and meltdowns. Also, I do find a degree of satisfaction in creating systems. It's just SO satisfying to have things work out in a manner that I consider to be ideal. 

I'd say that motherhood has made it worse because there are just so many more variables that I feel like I need to control. 

Quoting samomama:

As if I listen to my husband talking! I belive he is undiagnosed Aspie. OMG, he has to have everything planned in advance, especially when it comes to people visiting. As soon as somebody announces a visit, he starts planning.. What can we do? Where can we take them? What will we serve for meals? I have learn over the years that there is not much I can do to help him with this. I wish I could. And I wish I could help you! And my son!

Tell me one thing. Have you changed over the years? In what way has motherhood affected your behavior (if at all)? I have noticed DH's been more anxious after DS was born.

Hugs to you, hun! I hope the visit goes way smoother for you than you anticipate! And happy V-Day!


lady_katie
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes you would drive me crazy lol! You know, it's so funny, I used to be so lacking in self awareness that I actually thought of myself as being laid back haha, that couldn't be further from the truth though! 

Quoting Charizma77:

Um...I'm pretty sure I would drive you crazy ;). I think I drive my son with autism crazy, I am just super laid back and I never know what I am doing ahead of time..I always blame it on my ADD (not dx but pretty sure I have it).. I am so indecisive and forgetful..its a good thing  my hubby is always on the ball, although laid back as well..my kids are actually pretty laid back..Ashton is the most rigid because of autism but compared to other kids I know on the spectrum I think he is a bit more laid back. Anyway, I sometimes am coming up with something to make for a pot luck hours before and when I don't have an ingredient I send my hubby out for it..I am way to underprepared most of the time! 


lady_katie
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 5:26 PM

LOL

Quoting A_McCool:

Wait... wait.... wait.... You mean having backup plans for my backup plans isn't being flexible?  Surely, you jest...lol


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