So DD (three and ASD with SPD) is so violent with DS (19 months old), DH and I. We have gone to the school to try to get her ABA therapy and they don't want to go that route yet, but she keeps pushing, kicking and hitting DS. All he is doing is Crying or trying to play with her. He goes and tries to give her her drink - all she sees is him holding it, therefore he is obviously taking it, He tries to play with the cars with her, she has to tell him which ones to play with, if he tries to play with another one she attacks him. They are working on taking turns in preschool and ST/OT but she hasn't gotten to the point that she will let him pick which toy he plays with versus what she tells him to do. Poor DS just wants to play with her. He comes to the gate upset about something or crying cause he wants to come out to where I am and before I can get there to get him she pushes him down or kicks him, etc... Then she attacks him more and me when I try to intervene and rescue DS. I can't spend my whole day in the same area of the house as them cause I am trying to do things like work, or cleaning up. It is an open floor plan so it's not like I can't hear them or see them most of the time. Anyway, I am looking for ideas. I do try to put her in timeout when she gets violent, but she is getting into this thing that it has to be her idea to go to time out. I have tried making a big deal about DS and ignoring her, but she doesn't care. I have been working on taking turns with her and she tolerates it, but she still wants to to decide who does what when we play. I know spanking doesn't work either. I have also tried to take away the toys they are fighting over to show them the consequence of fighting. She does know the rules- she repeats them to me when I ask her to and she is able to sometimes tell us and her brother that she is sorry- but sometimes I think she is just repeating what has happened in the past and not really sorry.
I also am having the issue that I am losing control when she is kicking and screaming so loud. I can't stand the sound of her screaming but I can't leave her with DS. I also have tried to take DS out of the room and go somewhere else in the house (because I feel like going outside and leaving them or her is a bad idea) but going somewhere else only lasts so long before the sound gets to me (Again, open concept house). Anyway, I try not to scream at her myself cause I know that doesn't help either, but it is so hard. So I guess I am looking for ideas for her violence and discipline (when the school is holding back on ABA), and also on how to control my temper and not scream at her or spank her- I really don't want to do those things. :/