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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I want your opinion UPDATE UPDATE

Posted by on Feb. 17, 2014 at 10:55 PM
Jen
  • 36 Replies
Background: my ds is in a preschool at a university. Speech path grad students work in the class and speech path undergrads observe in the parent room.
My son has some anxiety around me leaving him. After much trial and error last semester I figured out that if I stayed for a few minutes (in the corner) and didn't sneak out (I never have, never will), but told him I was leaving, he did much better with the transition. Simply dropping and leaving did not work. I tried it. A lot.
And after a seven week break, we're starting from square one again. He cried all last week. And the undergrads witnessed it all as they observed.

Well today dh came with me and he went straight to the observation room while I took ds in to his class. The students didn't know he was my dh and so they were talking about me. They said stuff about how I shouldn't be standing in the room, because he was fine. And that I should just sneak out and why was I telling him goodbye, it would only make him cry, etc.

First of all, he did NOT cry today. He told me goodbye and he had a great day.

But it really makes me angry about those students. I realize they think that they know everything now that they are in college but they do not! They aren't as smart as they think they are.

I want to email the director and tell her about it. I would have told her face to face today but 1) she wasn't around and 2) they students would have heard me.

So is email a good or bad idea? Or should I let it go?


Update:
I couldn't wait so I sent an email. Here it is.


Today while I was dropping Liam off my husband was in the observation room. He informed me that the students in there were talking to each other about how I was handing Liam's transition into the classroom all wrong. It was their opinion that I should not be staying in the classroom if Liam is not crying and that I should be sneaking out instead of telling him I am leaving because that is only going to make him cry.

It upsets me that they would be discussing my parenting abilities, especially in front of strangers (like Paul who they did not know was my husband). I was not aware that their assignment was to judge and talk about the parents.

The way I choose to interact with my child is based on child development research and respect for Liam's temperament. I will not sneak out on him, ever. Liam already has enough anxiety and tricking him is not going to build his confidence or trust.

Transitioning into school is hard for Liam, especially after such a long break. I feel like we were back at square one. But after much trial and error last semester, it seemed that the best strategy for Liam was for me to stay for a few minutes and encourage him to play rather than cling to me. And once he is ready, he let's me go. What I do with Liam is done consciously and intentionally. I do want to mention that today, he did not cry when I left!! He is making progress.

I would be happy to discuss this matter in person if you would like. I didn't feel like I could bring it up today at pick up because the students were still in the observation room.



THE DIRECTORS REPLY!!!!

Those students were way out of line. You are doing what I would do and you are right about all the research suggesting this, PLUS HE IS YOUR CHILD and YOU KNOW HIM BEST. Plus, he did well yesterday when I was there. I will make sure that the students are reprimanded. They are being unbelievably "stupid" and unprofessional. I may ban them from observing. I am very upset and will be going to their instructor. I cannot believe that they think it is appropriate to comment on a parent's actions. I am livid. So sorry, but glad you told me so that I can nip this in the bud.
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by on Feb. 17, 2014 at 10:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2014 at 10:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Oooooh. They are in trouble!!!!! 

i would absolutely talk with her face to face. That was uncalled for an unprofessional. Their opionion on how you parent your child is opinion. (And uneducated!) and i would for sure say something to their boss. 

BTW Im with you.. I Dont lie to my kid.  I dont decieve.. Deception and sneaking isnt what I do, its not what I teach. How disrespectful of all of them to say things like that. Wow! Disturbing. 


Simran81
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:06 AM
My therapist had told me we must always say bye before leaving. Otherwise the child will feel insecure cause he will not know when u may leave. Hence the child can develop an anxiety. Since that day , we have always said byes. But i wouldnt say anything to the students cause they didn't say anything to me directly. But that's just how i am.
mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I actually just sent an email. The thing is, what the students did was very unprofessional and they need to know that so they can learn.

I'll post what my email said.


Quoting Simran81: My therapist had told me we must always say bye before leaving. Otherwise the child will feel insecure cause he will not know when u may leave. Hence the child can develop an anxiety. Since that day , we have always said byes. But i wouldnt say anything to the students cause they didn't say anything to me directly. But that's just how i am.
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Simran81
by Bronze Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 12:46 AM
That is true. It would help them.

Quoting mypbandj: I actually just sent an email. The thing is, what the students did was very unprofessional and they need to know that so they can learn.



I'll post what my email said.




Quoting Simran81: My therapist had told me we must always say bye before leaving. Otherwise the child will feel insecure cause he will not know when u may leave. Hence the child can develop an anxiety. Since that day , we have always said byes. But i wouldnt say anything to the students cause they didn't say anything to me directly. But that's just how i am.
HippoCat
by Hadley on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:10 AM

I really like your email. Very professional, to the point and intentional. Well done!! How did they respond?

Linda733
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:22 AM

Good for you. I wouldn't have let that go. They are students who need experience and sorry to say but a mother who has been raising her son and dealing with him daily has more experience then all of them combined. How you chose to handle your son and do what you know is good for him is your decision as his mother.

I think you did the right thing and handled yourself very well. Let me know what happens :) 

samomama
by Sally on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:26 AM

I like your email. You are being nice and are making a good point at the same time.

How unprofessional of the students!

Jenn8604
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:27 AM
Good letter. Tho I am the bitch that would have made her make time for me and talk to her in person in a not so nice tone and talked in front of her students so they could hear me lecture about the difference between studying and learning about autism and LIVING with autism and how EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT IT'S A SPECTRUM! What works for one mom and kid probably wont for another.
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SarahlovesLiz
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:52 AM

 I'm curious as to how this turns out!  GL, momma, and way to go for pointing it out to the director.  This is one reason it makes me nervous to go to any dr. office, daycare, etc. where students are observing or interning.  I know they need the experience, but I don't want it to be with me!  :)  I'm glad you're not tricking him and are using research to guide your responses as well as your knowledge of your child!

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:20 AM
1 mom liked this

 The email is perfect! YOU know Liam better than anyone else on this planet so they really need to back off. They also don't know the bond between a mother and child, especially an ASD child, except what some have read in textbooks. I also did the same with ALL of my kids...leaving when I thought it was ok...even when I thought it wasn't buy knew I had consoled them enough to go.

That transition is so hard on us and the kids...teachers need to be a little more compassionate about the situation.

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