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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Help with DD becoming aggressive and mean toward everyone in the house.

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 9:41 AM
  • 10 Replies

My DD is 13 she has ADHD, RAD, and ASD, she is starting to get more aggressive with everyone in the house. She argues about everything, and her father and I must be the dumbest people on the planet. I have tried talking to her about several things and never get any where with her. She is doing what ever she wants when she wants at home and at school. I am out of ideas,I love her dearly but I am getting to the end of my rope and just can't do it any more. My husband and I are starting to fight more because of her as well. I work 40+ a week and we have two younger kids as well. Has anyone had to deal with this and do you have any thoughts on what can helps us. Her councilor suggested I check with other moms with kids like her.

by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 9:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Rhodin
by Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 9:49 AM
I think a lot of that is because she's 13. I would treat her like any sassy teen, any time she screams or hits, she loses something nice, starting with electronics. She can earn them back by being nice and doing chores. Also, get her her preferred form of communication (a diary if she'll write that much) and have her express her feelings by writing or recording videos (which will never get posted). If she can vent on paper, she'll be less likely to vent on you. Karate or another physical acivity might help, too.
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

13 is stressful. m guessing you are getting the brunt of her daily frustration... Its really hard out there in the world.. Think about how you feel at the end of a particularly hard day... You just have nothing left to give. She is probably at the end of her rope all the time. When we are stressed, we lash out, we are not as patient, or nice as we could be.. And Im guessing that your DD KNOWS that you love her.. So in a way, she CAN lash out at YOU.. Youll still love her. school wont, friends wont.. So she cant always lash out at them... 

Id see if there was something I could do to help her. Would a weekend away be good? Could you ask her what she thinks would be good for her to relax and unwind. see if that helps to change her demeanor. I always think to myself.. When I am dangling on the edge of crap, do I want someone telling me what to do, or do I want tosome to ask me what I need. How they can help. I want someone to build a bridge with care and compassion. To work with me... Not agaisnt me.. To listen to what I have to say.. And comfort me. I think we all want that during hard times.. And when we are all having hard times-- we "leak" out meanness.. Cause we cant keep it in.

I dont think any form of punishment will help build a bridge or lessen agression. im guessing it will add to it. We need to model understanding and compassion.. 

I really like the book the explosive child and dr ross greene. just for the compassionate approach to dealing with stressed out kids. :) how to see our kids in a better light and to help us as their parents help them. 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:38 AM

Is she in any kind of therapy?  If so, I'd be contacting them, as well as the school should be helping you.  My son is only 5 so am not there yet.  Good luck! 

awesomemommy2
by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:39 AM
Is she on meds? Her body is changing. Her hormones are changing and if she is on meds they may need to change.

Also does she get OT? What does the therapist suggest.
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 28, 2014 at 6:06 AM

 The teen years are hard on parents of girls! My 17 year old is perfectly normal but I would have 10 boys compared to just 1 of her. I want to say it's her age and the changes she is going through, but at the same time, her behavior can't go untreated. You don't want it to get worse.

She may just need to talk to someone about her feelings, but then she also may benefit by doing more of what makes her happy. Is there an activity or hobby she could focus more on?

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 28, 2014 at 7:04 AM

Hugs mama...no advice but I wish you the best!

MamaBurd3
by Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 2:59 PM

Yes she is in therapy, and yes she is on meds. for her ADHD, and they have her on an anti depresent. She loves to read, I can't keep her out of a book and she likes to draw. I try and spend some kind of one on one time with each of my kids on a weekly basis. She seems better when we get the one on one time, and she can tell me about what she did in school or what her friends did, etc. not really importent things just that she likes to talk and always wants to put her two cents in, with her RAD she feels like she has to be the center of attention 24/7 she doesn't understand that her sister and brother want time with me too. I was one of the most laid back teens there are, I never got moody or screamed at my parents so this is just beyond my grasp of understanding, my mother was the same way I was. So the two people I go to for advise have none for me.

lisa12121
by Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 4:30 PM

Hi! First things first. Welcome to puberty. At 13, each of my children turned into monsters, regardless of any disability. The one that is now 17 stopped eating with us, talking to us, he would text me from his room to find out what was for dinner. He was moody and miserable. Now, my son who is 13 who has ASD and ADHD is entering puberty and doing the same things. You have to separate what is disability related and what is teenager related. Watch for her cycles and see if the moods match up. Make sure to discuss these issues with the family dr. and neurologist.

lisa12121
by Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 4:40 PM

Please don't tell me this. My daughter is 10 and we constantly fight! What am I to do when she starts her period and becomes a raging banshee?

The boys were easy. They were just miserable and didn't talk to us. Plus, since they refused to be seen with us in public, it made going out to eat much cheaper!

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 The teen years are hard on parents of girls! My 17 year old is perfectly normal but I would have 10 boys compared to just 1 of her. I want to say it's her age and the changes she is going through, but at the same time, her behavior can't go untreated. You don't want it to get worse.

She may just need to talk to someone about her feelings, but then she also may benefit by doing more of what makes her happy. Is there an activity or hobby she could focus more on?


TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 28, 2014 at 7:36 PM
Well that's a score on cheaper dinners out. Lol! My year old song ever wants to with us either!

Nope.. I promise you. I think it's more their hormones and that good old attitude our girls are blessed with. And talk about dramatic when they get their period! The teenage years aren't for sissies! Stay strong!

Quoting lisa12121: Please don't tell me this. My daughter is 10 and we constantly fight! What am I to do when she starts her period and becomes a raging banshee?The boys were easy. They were just miserable and didn't talk to us. Plus, since they refused to be seen with us in public, it made going out to eat much cheaper!Quoting TheJerseyGirl:  The teen years are hard on parents of girls! My 17 year old is perfectly normal but I would have 10 boys compared to just 1 of her. I want to say it's her age and the changes she is going through, but at the same time, her behavior can't go untreated. You don't want it to get worse.
She may just need to talk to someone about her feelings, but then she also may benefit by doing more of what makes her happy. Is there an activity or hobby she could focus more on?
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