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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Anyone Get Too Attached to Care Givers???

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 8:09 PM
  • 26 Replies

Several of us say it is hard for family and friends to understand our lives and situations, show acceptance, etc.  But then, at least I find, the service providers that come into my kids lives just effortlessly 'get it.'  The teachers, aides, therapists, private nursing, some doctors (and yes, some are clueless).  And then they stay in our kids lives for long periods of time, and I feel at times become part of our family.  At the same time, it is their job to do this role, not to love our kids, yet many do.  And it is their job to move on to other children when insurance changes, kids outgrow therapy, or school ends.  My kids certainly get attached and feel it's another Grandma, aunt or special someone.  But sometimes I too have become far too attached to this person that just walks in our life and 'gets' things, when I struggle for the people in my life that should get it to make connections with anymore.  We're losing a therapist we've had in our home for 4 years due to insurance changes, my kids call her GG for Great Grandma.  It will be hard on them, but I'll miss her too, and not just the therapy she brings to them but what she's brought to their lives.  We're also due to change teachers at the end of the year after 2 years, and while we plan to stay connected, it won't be the same not seeing her day in and day out, and having her just understand the day to day stuff that puzzles everyone else.  To see my kids as kids and not their disabilities.  To see me as me, and not the mother with 3 disability kids that must have cooties!  Do any of you go through this and have a hard time disconnecting when the time comes?  How do you get through it? 

 

by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 8:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 16, 2014 at 8:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I totally get this. I was actually thinking about this lately. We had an OT for feeding since Nick was about 10 months old. Well, when Nick was diagnosed, we switched to an IEP. We knew that she wouldn't be with us anymore. That was hard. She was with us for almost 3 years. She was just like family. This was before his diagnosis but I was understood and listened to. She even spent her own money to get for both my kids. It was hard. But I make sure to keep in contact every once in awhile. I also just wrote a letter to the organization about the service we got with her. I thought that was the least I could do. Good luck!
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 10:14 PM

So does your school OT do feeding now with Nick under your IEP?  My daughter is loosing her private OT/feeding, so we are going to get another private as even though she has OT at school, they only work with like using utensil part of feeding, but not texture issues. 

Quoting Nickmom1118: I totally get this. I was actually thinking about this lately. We had an OT for feeding since Nick was about 10 months old. Well, when Nick was diagnosed, we switched to an IEP. We knew that she wouldn't be with us anymore. That was hard. She was with us for almost 3 years. She was just like family. This was before his diagnosis but I was understood and listened to. She even spent her own money to get for both my kids. It was hard. But I make sure to keep in contact every once in awhile. I also just wrote a letter to the organization about the service we got with her. I thought that was the least I could do. Good luck!

 

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 16, 2014 at 10:19 PM
1 mom liked this
He does get it through school. But it isn't the same. They work with foods that he is comfortable with. He has had a private feeding therapist too for a couple years. So, he is still getting what he is used to.

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

So does your school OT do feeding now with Nick under your IEP?  My daughter is loosing her private OT/feeding, so we are going to get another private as even though she has OT at school, they only work with like using utensil part of feeding, but not texture issues. 


Quoting Nickmom1118: I totally get this. I was actually thinking about this lately. We had an OT for feeding since Nick was about 10 months old. Well, when Nick was diagnosed, we switched to an IEP. We knew that she wouldn't be with us anymore. That was hard. She was with us for almost 3 years. She was just like family. This was before his diagnosis but I was understood and listened to. She even spent her own money to get for both my kids. It was hard. But I make sure to keep in contact every once in awhile. I also just wrote a letter to the organization about the service we got with her. I thought that was the least I could do. Good luck!

 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Mar. 16, 2014 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 10:57 PM

I get that so much!  It's like my world has become so small since the kids that I don't reach out to my old circle much anymore as they just cant get it, and then I attach to who is in my new small circle, but those aren't always people that can be permanent people.  Sounds like you and the ABA have become close.  I bet you would remain that way after your therapy eventually ends.  Sounds like a great support for you! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:00 PM

The problem is we are military. When the Army says we have to move then we have to move. It's hard sometimes having someone else dictate where we live but then again they cover everything my son needs. 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I get that so much!  It's like my world has become so small since the kids that I don't reach out to my old circle much anymore as they just cant get it, and then I attach to who is in my new small circle, but those aren't always people that can be permanent people.  Sounds like you and the ABA have become close.  I bet you would remain that way after your therapy eventually ends.  Sounds like a great support for you! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

 

 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:03 PM

Oh, that makes sense.  I bet that is hard, but certainly great the military covers everything!! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

The problem is we are military. When the Army says we have to move then we have to move. It's hard sometimes having someone else dictate where we live but then again they cover everything my son needs. 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I get that so much!  It's like my world has become so small since the kids that I don't reach out to my old circle much anymore as they just cant get it, and then I attach to who is in my new small circle, but those aren't always people that can be permanent people.  Sounds like you and the ABA have become close.  I bet you would remain that way after your therapy eventually ends.  Sounds like a great support for you! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

 

 

 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:07 PM

 Yes it's a blessing. For SP OT and ABA therapy we only pay $35 a month and that is based off of hubby's rank

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

Oh, that makes sense.  I bet that is hard, but certainly great the military covers everything!! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

The problem is we are military. When the Army says we have to move then we have to move. It's hard sometimes having someone else dictate where we live but then again they cover everything my son needs. 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I get that so much!  It's like my world has become so small since the kids that I don't reach out to my old circle much anymore as they just cant get it, and then I attach to who is in my new small circle, but those aren't always people that can be permanent people.  Sounds like you and the ABA have become close.  I bet you would remain that way after your therapy eventually ends.  Sounds like a great support for you! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

 

 

 

 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:19 PM

That is so awesome!!  So glad you have that!!   

Quoting JTMOM422:

 Yes it's a blessing. For SP OT and ABA therapy we only pay $35 a month and that is based off of hubby's rank

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

Oh, that makes sense.  I bet that is hard, but certainly great the military covers everything!! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

The problem is we are military. When the Army says we have to move then we have to move. It's hard sometimes having someone else dictate where we live but then again they cover everything my son needs. 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I get that so much!  It's like my world has become so small since the kids that I don't reach out to my old circle much anymore as they just cant get it, and then I attach to who is in my new small circle, but those aren't always people that can be permanent people.  Sounds like you and the ABA have become close.  I bet you would remain that way after your therapy eventually ends.  Sounds like a great support for you! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

 I am very attached to our ABA tutor. There are plenty of times where after therapy she sticks around and talks. We don't even talk autism. She will tell me about growing up and about her father. She talks about living in Cali and then moving to Tn. We talk about life. I don't have friends that I talk to anymore. I have one that I might call once a month. My life revolves around my children and my son's dx and not many people get it. Our ABA tutor has gone into a grocery store with me while my son is screaming at the top of his lungs and she just talks to me about ways to help him calm down. My son has started liking spider man and she was online and texted me a picture of a spider man cake that she thought he would like. I don't even want to think about the day she won't be part of our lives anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:03 AM
1 mom liked this

 We were that way with D's first aide. When she retired I cried and cried and cried. We still miss her.

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