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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I Need Suggestions on How to Help w/Meltdowns....

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM
  • 8 Replies

Here's the issue: 

My 7 year old DS has been overly sensitive over the last few weeks. My DH and I barely ask him to pick up his toys or books and he has a meltdown. Or he will flat out say, "no! I will NOT pick up my books!" then just sit there with his arms crossed. He will then get items taken away from him (the Ipad, his art easel, books or his toys) but it doesn't make much difference. I tell him he can earn back his stuff if he just does what I've asked him to do. 

Yesterday he had about an hour long meltdown. It included screaming, hitting and throwing things. 

My DH and I have used behavior charts, but doesn't seem to really work either. We will tell him "FIRST you pick up your toys....THEN you can have your Ipad back". I'll even prep him (I'll say, "okay, in 5 minutes we are going to pick up our toys.")

Aidan is no longer receiving ABA therapy. He had it for 2 years but he mastered everything the therapist was teaching him. If this continues, I may have to contact his service coordinator and request services start up again soon. 

Can you ladies suggest what else I may try to avoid the meltdowns? I even emailed his special ed teacher and she says it seems like almost all the special needs kids are going thru something right now. 

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 6:06 PM
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Replies (1-8):
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:01 PM

Well if he is having a rough time you may want to back off asking him for so much, His job is school.. So if he is doing that well, then everything else is just "extra"... Maybe instead of saying "pick up your books" you could say.. "In 5 minutes lets pick up your books," and in 5 minutes you help..or ask him when he thinks he may be ready to help you clean up his books.. Or when he is ready to let you know because you know he is having a tough time right ow, and you want to help him pick up his books. 

I think when we are having a tough time we want others to help us. I know when Ive had a rough time the last thing I want is for people to make extra demands on me or ask me to do things.. Lets face it.. On a rought day, Im NOT putting the laundry away or making dinner. the laundry CAN wait and we CAN get take out, Its beeter to be nice, understanding an compassionate during times that are stressful then demanding. 

I think the whole "taking away" items isnt really building anything.. i think its making things worse, I also think it teachs our kids conditional behaviors.. If you do x, you can have y.. So in the long run, doing X is going to require Y... And well, he is going to kearn to make conditions on others for behaviors he wants.. Which isnt really the way the world works. 

Nothing is learned from a meltdown... Its the learning how to avoid them that teaches. :) 

I think you need to read "the expolsive child" by ross greene... Its a great easy, entertaining helpful read! 

yourdoingwhat
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Rewards that you really don't think are things for him to have. My hubby hates that our 5 yr old likes to play with empty "recyclables" (empty soda bottles, milk jugs.....all clean and all are plastic) me I have no problem with it. We compromised, to prevent a meltdown we KNOW will happen (leaving chocolate world) we will give it to him as we walk out the door to go home. Yes, I "bribe" my child and no I have no problem with it lol. Make it a game? I bet you can't pick up that pile of toys before I pick up this pile. I pick up 1 you pick up 1. 1 m+m for every toy you pick up or whatever junk food will work.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:02 PM

Hugs mama...these ladies have some good ideas!

Jenniy
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:05 PM
1 mom liked this

When my son starts building up to a meltdown I give him a yogurt and a straw and have him suck the yogurt through the straw.  It works! When the pharmacist told me about it I was skeptical, but I tried and it works! lol I have loads of yoplait yogurt on hand now. lol

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:22 PM


 

Quote:

Can you ladies suggest what else I may try to avoid the meltdowns? I even emailed his special ed teacher and she says it seems like almost all the special needs kids are going thru something right now. 


Was just going to say, it seems to be going around...

SnortysMom
by Cathleen on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:48 PM

I think I will pick up a copy of that book -- thank you!

Quoting SamMom912:

Well if he is having a rough time you may want to back off asking him for so much, His job is school.. So if he is doing that well, then everything else is just "extra"... Maybe instead of saying "pick up your books" you could say.. "In 5 minutes lets pick up your books," and in 5 minutes you help..or ask him when he thinks he may be ready to help you clean up his books.. Or when he is ready to let you know because you know he is having a tough time right ow, and you want to help him pick up his books. 

I think when we are having a tough time we want others to help us. I know when Ive had a rough time the last thing I want is for people to make extra demands on me or ask me to do things.. Lets face it.. On a rought day, Im NOT putting the laundry away or making dinner. the laundry CAN wait and we CAN get take out, Its beeter to be nice, understanding an compassionate during times that are stressful then demanding. 

I think the whole "taking away" items isnt really building anything.. i think its making things worse, I also think it teachs our kids conditional behaviors.. If you do x, you can have y.. So in the long run, doing X is going to require Y... And well, he is going to kearn to make conditions on others for behaviors he wants.. Which isnt really the way the world works. 

Nothing is learned from a meltdown... Its the learning how to avoid them that teaches. :) 

I think you need to read "the expolsive child" by ross greene... Its a great easy, entertaining helpful read! 


lucasmadre
by Kari on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Well I can give you some good news. My son was doing the same thing at your boys age and now at 10 he never has meltdowns. Yes...he is emotional and needs guidance through some things but he is navigating the world so much better...part of this is just normal kid stuff. I gave my son some ways to get out his anger, a small plastic punching bag, taught him how to scream into a pillow but most of all he started karate at a great school. It gave him the outlet and the structure he needed. Hang in there, your son is a great kid and he is just overwhelmed...sometimes it helps to just be present with them when they are this upset. xo

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Mar. 18, 2014 at 6:24 AM

 I agree with what the teacher said! School right now seems to be making my kids either bounce off hte walls or sit comatose. This long stretch of Winter and school and being indoors has really gotten to everyone. I hope it's just a phase!

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