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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Do you ever get jealous?

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:39 PM
  • 27 Replies
1 mom liked this
Today was a bad day for me. I took nick to his private preschool. He sat down and a girl sitting next to him called his name and was trying to show him what she made. He completely ignored her. I asked him if he saw his friend talking to him. He just looked at her and turned around. So I left it alone.

Then when I picked him up, a different girl was telling her mom how she dropped her bag and a friend (used the friends name) picked it up and gave it to her. She was using complete sentences and great vocabulary.

I was thinking about it and it was hard today. Nick doesn't talk about the kids at school. I don't even think he knows their names. He just calls them friends. And watching that little girl trying to include him in the play, almost broke my heart. How much will they do that before they just stop trying with Nick? I also would love to have him tell me about his day. Or answer any of my questions.

Just needed to tell someone that understands.
by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:47 PM

Ah, sorry to hear you're having on of those kinda days.  Happens here too.  But remember, things do change and one day he will share something with you about his day and your heart will swell with pride.  It will come, until then here's a hug:)hugs

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:51 PM

I understand what you are saying, and how you could feel jealous.  I have 3 kids in prek classrooms, and yes, their peers are way more vocal, less delayed, and more in-tuned to communication with peers than my kids.  But I just don't compare.  My kids will get there too ,in their own time and way.  I see progress in the tiniest little accomplishment my children have, where those parents don't even notice  it in their children.  My life is full and happy the way my kids are, and those other things will all come in time.  I'm sorry it made you sad.  Just try and focus on all the wonderful things Nick is doing and those that he couldn't do even a few months ago that he does now.  The rest will come when he's ready, and you'll enjoy the triumph just as much then!  Hugs! 

Charizma77
by Carissa on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, many times. I have quite a few friends who have boys around the same age as Ashton and often times I feel jealous...It usually passes pretty quickly but I would be lying if I said those feelings didnt happen.  I understand. Hugs!

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:17 PM

Sigh.. Yeah.. i get it... :( 

today picking up Sam there were a bunch of boys in Sams grade all wearing these knit minecraft hats. I know they were a party favor from a birthday party, as my friends son went. it made me sad to know Sam wasnt invited, that he has been invited to 2 parties this whole 2nd grade.. And how social and happy those boys are are a big reminder of Sams deficits. :( 

im sorry. It does stink... And I know Nick has done so well and come so far... (Sam too) but sometimes we see those other kids and its the reminder of where our boys are supposed to be.. And yes, it hurts. 

mypbandj
by Jen on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:33 PM
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I just heard that a little boy I used to babysit for, he's the same age as my teenage son, has his own car.

I don't really want my son driving because I feel like he isn't ready and would have an accident but I do feel a twinge of jealousy that this boy, the same age as my son, is at that milestone of learning to drive and my son isn't.

dawncs
by Dawn on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:48 PM
3 moms liked this

Days like these can be really rough at times knowing what you are missing. You have to realize each one even with the same diagnosis turns out differently even on the same functioning level. With the right education and therapies, he will turn out to be his own perfect Nick in the world. Just remember, God wanted variety in the world, and he created some spice. The spice is disabilities. Otherwise, the world would be a very dull place if we were all the same on abilities.

lucasmadre
by Kari on Mar. 19, 2014 at 5:12 AM
1 mom liked this

I have felt every single thing you mentioned many times. It is so natural and so hard to watch our children struggle with things that come so naturally to many children. I have found that over time my son (who never shared anything with me about school or friends) is starting to open up- he is 10 now. Try and take some time and feel the grief, shed a few tears if you need to and then let it go. There are many surprises ahead with Nick. I have found many times just when I give up on something ever happening...something changes :) I am so sorry because I know how hard it is to see your child missing out on something but remember little girls don't give up easy!!!

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:01 AM
1 mom liked this

 I know what you mean, Nicole. At home our life seems so normal and although I notice his little quirks, it doesn't bother me near as much as when I see something in school. D is almost 13 and will now tell you about a child or two but no real friends. He is now in the special ed room most of the day and while the kids are friendlier there, they still don;t have the tools they need to make friendships.

I will say this though. Most of the normal kids are still kind...most don't go out of their way, but for the most part, now know D is different but sweet and kind. They still treat him with great compassion.

I know it's hard to see or come to terms with, but in a way it gets easier the longer you deal with it.

(((Hugs)))

 

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 19, 2014 at 8:07 AM
Thx. I just needed someone to understand. I guess I just can't wait for him to come home and tell me something he did that day.

Quoting Jenibob:

Ah, sorry to hear you're having on of those kinda days.  Happens here too.  But remember, things do change and one day he will share something with you about his day and your heart will swell with pride.  It will come, until then here's a hug:)hugs

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 19, 2014 at 8:10 AM
You are right! He has done a lot and the little things do make me happier than those parents that don't even notice them. I love nick and the way he is. My life is defiantly full with him and I wouldn't have it any other way. It just gets to me sometimes that the social part isn't there and the other kids are trying.

Thanks.


Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I understand what you are saying, and how you could feel jealous.  I have 3 kids in prek classrooms, and yes, their peers are way more vocal, less delayed, and more in-tuned to communication with peers than my kids.  But I just don't compare.  My kids will get there too ,in their own time and way.  I see progress in the tiniest little accomplishment my children have, where those parents don't even notice  it in their children.  My life is full and happy the way my kids are, and those other things will all come in time.  I'm sorry it made you sad.  Just try and focus on all the wonderful things Nick is doing and those that he couldn't do even a few months ago that he does now.  The rest will come when he's ready, and you'll enjoy the triumph just as much then!  Hugs! 

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