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Do you worry

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 1:37 PM
  • 27 Replies

Do you worry that because people are so misinformed or too stupid to educate themselves about autism that in the future they will question your adult child if they ever had a dx such as high functioning autism or Asperger's as a child ?

I can't believe how many hateful people there are on CM. I just saw a post in Mom confessions that goes: "Would you marry a person with autism ?" I can't believe the hate on that post and how dumb people are. All people care about is themselves. 

by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 1:37 PM
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by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 1:45 PM
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Yes and no.  I worry about the hurt my son may experience.  But then, my DH also suspects he has Asperger's, and we've already improved on his childhood experiences with our son.

I married DH without a second thought.  Asperger's isn't easy to live with if you don't know about it - we found that some of the things DH and DH/I have worked through are classic Apsie issues. We had no clue until our son was dx.

For my kiddo, he's given a lot of support and help in working through the challenges he faces, and anyone he gets into a relationship with, be it friend or romantic, will know that he faces certain struggles at times.

If they choose not to be part of his life because of that - well, fuck 'em.  He's better off with them exiting now. 

There will always be those who are both noisy and ignorant.

by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 1:46 PM

O.K. I guess I'll hide my kids dx and destroy all reports because I want my kid to lead a normal life when she becomes a teen. I'm so sick of dumb people filled with hate.

by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 1:56 PM

I'm not sure I get your comment. Why hide it?  My son knows what he deals with, and I tell people, after taking a little time to get to know them.

While I'm not always thrilled with the way kids act, they aren't total asses to my kid. It's not my first choice, but overall, my kid is happy, and that's the most important.

I can tell you from marrying someone on the spectrum, don't hide it.  I wish like hell that DH and I knew exactly what it was he dealt with long before we did. It would have made things so much easier.

Sure, ASD is a pain to deal with at times.  I'm a chronic worrier.  That's a pain, too.  The way I look at the spectrum issues my kid faces is that they are akin to my worrying, and inability to not want to direct everything.

They're personality traits.  Because they have a label, there are people who get assholish.  Your kid is going to have people who don't like her even if she didn't have a labled dx to deal with.

I know there's a woman with a kid in my kid's grade who requests that our kids are not in the same class.  Her kid is one of the mean girls of the grade, but my kid needs to be avoided? Worse, the mom is nice to me.  It's phony as hell.

But she doesn't get it, and doesn't want to.  I think her kid is a mean little shit. So even though it hurts, I'm glad she's had the stones to ask to stay seperate.  We are civil and polite to one another, and when our kids interact, the kids ignore one another.

You can work around the haters. 

by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 2:18 PM

Well, my son is moderate, but he could very well become high functioning. I don't worry about things like that because there are plenty of people out there that are accepting and interested in learning about autism. Most of the adults I know with autism are happily married.

EDIT: I just wanted to add that I looked up the post that you were referring to, and there were a percentage of people on there that said that they would marry an autistic person. I'd rather focus on them and ignore the others. 

by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 2:23 PM

I don't worry about others. I worry about what my son will become, what he'll do to others, when his anger/aggression will be under control, etc.

I don't worry about what others think or know.

by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 2:25 PM

On a good day you would never know my son has autism...on a bad day....he is high functioning so to me it is not really a matter of hiding his dx - people know...but when he is older I may not tell people....I keep hoping he may be one of the 10 percent who have no symptoms by age 10 that is talked at in the research literature. I really think early intervention has been key to having him function where he is right now (he is 5)

by Terri on Mar. 19, 2014 at 2:34 PM

I worry about Thomas all of the time he is 11,(my g/son)I hope he wil lbe able to live on his own at some point in his life,but I am always worrying about him

by Arlea on Mar. 19, 2014 at 3:13 PM

 I just get it out in the open. I realize there are a lot of cruel people out there but I feel hiding his diagnosis and then having people find out when he has a meltdown or falls for a girl whose parents are anti-autistic would be more detrimental to him than having a few people avoid him. I think everyone has to do what works for their family but I don't worry to much about the haters. I grew up a mixed girl in the eighties. I learned first hand not everyone is going to think you belong here and you can't live your life trying to meet their standards.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 4:12 PM
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Nope, not at all.  I don't give 2 sh*ts anymore what people think about my kids, I've gotten past letting others opinions influence me.  I hope to spread as much awareness as I can so my kids will be surrounded of informed people when they are grown, but ignorance will always be there.  My child is not high functioning, nor an aspie.  He has ASD/SPD, it will always be apparent, and I could care less what people think about that.  If he really does adapt through life to not appear to show ASD symptoms anymore as an adult, great!  I'll still have his medical dx that tells me he does.  I hope he marries/finds a mate that will love him for who he is as we do.  Only time will tell.

by Nicole on Mar. 19, 2014 at 4:39 PM
My DH and I disagree on this topic. I don't care who knows about my sons diagnosis. My hope is that he finds someone that understands him and loves him for who he is. Because if you hide the DX or not, those traits will always be there.
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