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doubting mother

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:11 AM
  • 12 Replies
With all the doubt about every decision made and if it is what is best for your child that comes with being a mother, especially a mother to a child on the Autism Spectrum, how do you get past the self doubting when your husband comes to you and says he feels you have traits of someone with M√ľnchausen syndrome by proxy
simply because he refuses to acknowledge that our child is , as I like to put it, 'more special than most kids'?
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:01 AM
1 mom liked this

 When I think of that I think of mothers who MAKE their children sick, not ones who's children are truly sick and they just wish for them to be better!

He's nuts!! Doesn't he think you wish it wasn't true?

I remember in the beginning my FIL and grandpop would laugh it off as if I was cuckoo and it used to piss me off!

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 30, 2014 at 8:07 AM
I agree with Michele.

You are just trying to help your child. Everyone handles the diagnosis differently. My DH is still dealing too. My brother told my mom about a week ago that I am over reacting with nicks autism. My mom told him that she used to think so too but now knows he is as bad as I say. It's hard when everyone around you is doubting it.


Hugs.
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Mar. 30, 2014 at 8:52 AM

Did your husband go to any of the doctor appointments needed to diagnose your son? Has he seen any therapy sessions (if you son has already started therapy)? My husband was alot more receptive to what I told him than I know most husbands are, but he still held on to the fact that they were just words ...... until he went to the developmental pedi's appointment with me. When we left that appointment (which we didn't receive a dx just yet) he was more convinced our daughter had autism than I was. 

This is his son and he should be a part of the process. If he is struggling so much with it that's he's turning it around on you, you should schedule a time for him to meet with your son's dr or therapist who will sit down with your husband and explain why your son got dx'ed and how it was NOT by your doing.

dawncs
by Dawn on Mar. 30, 2014 at 9:06 AM

 It does disgust me at times, but it is dependent on the disability really. Some disabilities are easier to deal with than others. Autism is a hard one because there are no guarantees on how your child will turn out even with all of the therapies out there at age 18 on independence level. My parents are pretty cool on my chronic side even though I am a mild severe since I started showing signs young.

Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 9:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like what your hubs is saying is just part of his denial/blame phase leading up to acceptance.  Takes everyone different amounts of time, and sadly hurts many others in the wake of getting to that point.  There's no validity in what he is saying.  You aren't causing your son to have ASD, it just is.  And he's still a great kid.  Stay strong in what you know is right, and what you need to be doing for your son.  Hopefully your hubs will catch up sooner than later and become a support for you both.  Welcome to the group!!  Very supportive here, so we'll be a good outlet for you!! 

jjadams3
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 9:17 AM
Thank you all for your support! When my son was about 15 months my mother in law pointed out concerns that I hadnt I guess noticed or thought anything about. We were fortune to have had everything get set up so quickly. After having him evaluated with Tennessee Early Intervention he and having 'red flags', he was able to start his therapies at 16 months. My husband was there for the initial evaluation and attended a few sessions when he was younger. Once my son turned 3, we had him evaluated through the county school system in which he did not qualify for, in my opinion it was because the tests were more memory based and his memory is phenomenal. Other than those select times my husband has not attended any therapy classes or dr appointments. My son would be considered high functioning and we are starting the process for an official diagnosis as his physician, therapist, and I suspect Asperger's. My son is going to be 4 in may and though he is a tough little man, his soul is sensitive and his eyes break my heart when they say he doesnt understand or get a confused look, if that makes sense. I tell my husband it just means hes so much smarter than everyone and he gets upset cause he cant understand why we dont see things how he does :) that he is fine, just needs a little extra attention and help than other kids. Since his 'traits' are more subtle its hard for other people who dont know him to really believe me. Does it get easier? '
Macphee
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:42 PM
It does get manageable. after some time, your instincts work great. It makes it easier when the support is there. Dad will come around. We're here to support you. Men process things differently.
blue.butterfly
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 12:56 PM

It's so true about men processing things differently. I have similar issues with my husband. 

Latina_Star
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 1:15 PM
I hate speaking to family about my son they always start saying "idk when I'm there he seems normal" or "we all have issues" or " maybe is because they way you raised him" like really?! I'm so over It i don't even speak them anymore ..
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:31 PM

Hugs mama...welcome to the group!

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