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I'm feeling like a bad person

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 6:56 PM
  • 26 Replies
So my surgery is the week after dds birthday & we can't afford our plans for her birthday now. So I decided on a family only birthday party. A very simple cake & ice cream, we all love you kid, kind of thing.... I'm tempted to cancel it now & here's why.

My dad told his ex wife about it & she mentioned it to me today in front of her kids.

The problem: I don't see them as family, I'm trying to build a new relationship with the kids. I haven't seen them in almost 12 years until maybe 2 months ago. The kids are 15 & 13. I was 14/15 when my dad was with her. He skipped state as my mom & I were moving back in with hin, we came close to being homeless. He abandoned my brother who was living with him already, just for the ex wife after she cheated & moved out. He left her & moved back to Missouri about 6 years ago. While he was with her out of state she tried to kill him... among other insane behavior. (This is seriously a short version)

I'm being civil & the kids have fond memories of me so I'm trying to build this relationship with them because their mom is not their fault.

BUT, I'm already super stressed over brain surgery, bills, life etc. I'm working until I have surgery. I was already dead set against a birthday party but because the circumstances & dd adores her uncles & grandparents I figured family only (no pressure) would be ok.

Now I just want to say F the whole thing & find something for dd dh & I to do for her birthday a lone

She's turning 6
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 6:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:00 PM

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!

JCKitten87
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:03 PM
Its hard to avoid them, they live 4 trailers away from me now :'( I have to see them every day at the school bus stop..... I was just baffled when ny dad told me his ex was moving back to Missouri & sooooo freaking close. They drive by my place to go anywhere

Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!

JCKitten87
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:05 PM
Oh & when I told my dad about the party I made sure he understood it was family only. I have no idea why he'd even tell her. I made sure they all knew my very simple plans for her birthday

Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:15 PM

I understand more now.  I'm so sorry.  That has to be hard for you.  I'd just tell them the party is for family only.  They aren't family so that should be self explanatory.  Hugs!

Quoting JCKitten87: Its hard to avoid them, they live 4 trailers away from me now :'( I have to see them every day at the school bus stop..... I was just baffled when ny dad told me his ex was moving back to Missouri & sooooo freaking close. They drive by my place to go anywhere
Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!


darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:16 PM

I'd ask your dad why he even told her if I were you.

Quoting JCKitten87: Oh & when I told my dad about the party I made sure he understood it was family only. I have no idea why he'd even tell her. I made sure they all knew my very simple plans for her birthday
Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!


JCKitten87
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:17 PM
I plan to, just don't feel like dealing with it yet lol

Quoting darbyakeep45:

I'd ask your dad why he even told her if I were you.

Quoting JCKitten87: Oh & when I told my dad about the party I made sure he understood it was family only. I have no idea why he'd even tell her. I made sure they all knew my very simple plans for her birthday

Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:17 PM

And I don't blame you one bit:)  Hugs!  I'm so sorry...you do NOT need to deal with all of this right now.  

Quoting JCKitten87: I plan to, just don't feel like dealing with it yet lol
Quoting darbyakeep45:

I'd ask your dad why he even told her if I were you.

Quoting JCKitten87: Oh & when I told my dad about the party I made sure he understood it was family only. I have no idea why he'd even tell her. I made sure they all knew my very simple plans for her birthday
Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!


Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Dude, did you read the 1st line of your post.  You're having Brain surgery a week after your daughter's bday, her party is your call!!  They can put their feelings and drama aside and support you.  If all you feel up for is your husband, daughter and you then do something great the 3 of you.  Tell grandparents they can stop by and see her sometime around her bday and give her presents.  They should be supporting you and making it easy on you right now, not making you feel like you need to have an even bigger party than you were planning.  Hugs! 

jowen905
by Jan on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 You better stop feeling like a bad person!  Whatever you decide to do is the right thing to do - you have so much going on right now, you more than deserve to make that decision and not feel bad about anything at all!

JCKitten87
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank u. I've been spending my energy on making dd a book about what we are about to go through & I don't have much energy lol

Quoting darbyakeep45:

And I don't blame you one bit:)  Hugs!  I'm so sorry...you do NOT need to deal with all of this right now.  

Quoting JCKitten87: I plan to, just don't feel like dealing with it yet lol

Quoting darbyakeep45:

I'd ask your dad why he even told her if I were you.

Quoting JCKitten87: Oh & when I told my dad about the party I made sure he understood it was family only. I have no idea why he'd even tell her. I made sure they all knew my very simple plans for her birthday

Quoting darbyakeep45:

So this woman is your ex-stepmom and she mentioned this in front of her children?  I wouldn't have anything to do with her if I were you.  If you want to build or re-build a relationship with her children, that's your decision.  

As far as the birthday thing goes...you have SO much on your plate right now and your immediate family is what is important right now.  I'd just do something with your husband and your son if I were you.  

Hugs!

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