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Getting him up for school

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:53 AM
  • 6 Replies
Hello, I've been absent for a few months...life has a way of doing that to you! lol
I am so frustrated right now with trying to get my Aspie teen up for school in the morning. Yes, I know this is a teen thing in general, particularly with boys, but I think there is added frustration with the Aspergers because normal parental arguments and guilt-tripping just don't work with him. When I try to explain how frustrating it is for me, I am met with shrugs. I have found myself yelling at him and I really don't want to be that mom. Yes, we have a consequence in place - he has to go to bed early so he loses his computer time at night, which is his 'thing'. It helped for a while but it seems to have lost power. I know that it's a physiological thing - he just CAN'T get up - but there must me something I can do short of dumping a bucket of ice water on his head.
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:53 AM
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SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:02 AM

What are his suggestions? Usually the best solutions are the ones they come up with on their own to solve their own problems. So, he KNOWS he has to be at school/bus on time. What does he think will be the best way. Your saying your solution of taking away the computer didnt work (imposing a concequence) so tell him, your solution didnt work.. What are his ideas? He is a smart guy! He knows himself. What does he want to try? OR does he just WANT to sleep late and go into school late? 

It is tricky with aspies (concequences have NEVER worked in our house,,, and my son is ONLY 7.) lol... But I do find the more respect, and understanding you show, the better return you get. obviously getting up is hard for him.. So its a problem that needs TLC, not punishment, If he could get up, he would get up, but he is having trouble, so lets calmy respectfully talk and figure out a solution together. :) how would you figure out this problem with your hubby? Or a coworker? It really takes "that" kind of level to "work" with them for them to be responsive... At least thats what Ive found, HUGs... Its rough. I know. 

JTMOM422
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:13 AM
2 moms liked this

What about letting him do the computer for a half hour in the mornings? Maybe this will give him a reason to get up

moodymelody
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:05 AM
Thanks for the replies. SamMom, his personal solutions include "Why don't you just drive me every day? What's the big deal?". He's partly right. I am a sahm, so I can do it. But I am trying, first of all, to teach him responsibility, a concept he still doesn't get; plus he has a brother who leaves later and two neighbor kids who come over later so I would prefer to be able to stay home and get ready for them.
He also suggested I get up earlier and bring him coffee to bed to help him wake up. Ummm...No.

Unfortunately, the solutions that would work with my hubby or coworker wouldn't work with him. Invasive things like pulling the sheets off him only make him angry, same with turning on the light. I have two alarms in his room...he sleeps through them (my husband's teen brother used to live with us and he could sleep through alarms, blaring music, phone ringing...so I do recognize there is a physiological reason behind it)
moodymelody
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:07 AM
JTMoM, his bus comes at 6:45 in the morning. I am also not a morning person so getting up even earlier for both of us would not be an option. ;-). Not to mention once he's on the computer it's a battle to get him off. But that's a whole other issue, lol.
Actually, we have a consequence plan for that issue - loss of computer time the next day - which does work. Which really leads me to think this is just something he needs to outgrow. My brother-in-law somehow overcame it so perhaps I just need to find a way to be more patient.
I have found now that he is in high school I'm starting to worry about the future and getting him prepared for the 'real world'. In 3 short years, I likely won't be there to get him up for classes every morning.
Macphee
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Positive reinforcement seems to be harder at the teenage level.
Consequences don't work for mine, and he's 7.

If he drinks coffee, make an incentive. If he is on time getting up and ready, make a fancy coffee for him. Mocha: half hot chocolate, half coffee, whipped cream and sprinkles. Latte half milk, half coffee, same extra.

This seems like a power struggle. Why don't you just drive me is just an obnoxious teenage thing. Does he have any interests in sports? Or outdoor activities? Is it just that he doesn't like school much or is it really a physical thing?
moodymelody
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:22 PM

He certainly seems to know how to push my buttons.  No, he hates outdoor activities/sports.  Computers and robotics are his only interests.  Given his Aspie way of thinking, I don't think it's a 'power struggle' in the typical teen angst type of way...he just doesn't understand why I can't just drive him every day.  He's okay with school - most classes - although he would prefer to do an online school at home where he can set his own schedule and doesn't have to deal with the other kids. I've always felt that he needs to learn how to be social so I won't go for that.  But I honestly don't think it's an avoidance issue either...he just hates mornings.  I keep saying, "when my alarm goes off, I get up...why can't you just do the same thing when I come in and tell you to get up?"  And he shrugs at me.  Sigh...

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