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Is this seriously my life?

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:01 AM
  • 21 Replies

I don't even know where to start..  Ive been researching, going to conferences, classes etc on what type of therapy would best fit Ryan and our family.  ABA seemed perfect.  Our insurance wouldn't cover it.  So the fight year later I have ABA.  I love our therapist.  She's a lot like me and Im def comfortable with her.  Well we are doing pic schedule and reward tokens.  Its working and I know as she and the drs have warned me Ryan will get worse than better.  Its just so exhausting.  Just to take a walk took me 30min.  Showing Ryan a pic of his shoes, coat, first we do this, then this etc.  Im grateful for the services as ive said I busted my a** to get them but Im sitting back wondering is this really life?  Ryan went after me kicking me in the stomach and punching me.  I used the restraint techniques that Ive been shown.  He was trying to bite me and spitting in my face.  I followed through with what Ive been shown and he did calm down and was a lot better.  I walked away after and just cried, my face covered in spit.  I know this hard work will pay off but its over whelming. I had a parent teacher conference for Ryan and its just hard to hear some things.  Ryan has the desire to be social with the other kids but is inappropriate.  He's rough and will find out what annoys a certain child and he will do it.  He wants the negative reaction.  A little boy in his class couldn't handle high pitch screams.  Ryan would get in his face and scream.  Finally the little boy punched Ryan in the head.  He now has to sit alone on the bus.  The teacher has to have an aid just work with Ryan and take him away from the group.  I just want Ryan to learn so he isn't the little boy without a single friend.  Then theres my poor Samuel.  I'll have some answers next week as to what is going on with him that's causing him to be getting so sick.  Its just all exhausting.  My dh is working 6 days a week, I work wed and thurs nights.  Im basically on my own.  Im trying to give Samuel his treatments and Ryan is off in a corner chewing his finger until it bleeds.  I just looked at the ceiling saying in my head "is this my life?"  I have so much to be grateful for but Im getting beat up by life right now.  Having no support from family or friends minus you ladies is taking a toll on me.  I have no life.  Im isolated from the world.  My mom's cancer maybe back and she goes in next week to have a mass removed from her lung.  I have an odd relationship with my mom but at the end of the day she's my mom and I can't imagine my life without her.  She goes into surgery the same day Im taking Samuel to pulmonary for his tests.  I can't be with her.  I can't do anything really.  My family are all going out to eat before my moms surgery and I can't go.  The place is too busy and loud for Ryan to go.  I cant even take Samuel out yet, Im stuck in the house.  The Drs said to keep him away from public places in case he does in fact have this auto-immune disease.  AHHH!  So i guess this is my life and the sooner I accept it the better. I just needed to vent ladies Im sorry. Maybe one day soon things will improve.  Thank you all for being here for me!  HUGS!

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:01 AM
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by Dawn on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:11 AM
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I know it is a lot of work with Ryan right now. However, it will be well worth it in the end trust me when he reaches his full potential in life despite his diagnosis. I have other friends on the spectrum, and they hold fantastic jobs.
by Janine on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:11 AM
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Big hugs for you mama! Let all out...
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:18 AM
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Hugs for you! You rock mama!
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 11:57 AM
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Hugs. You are amazing and having everything thrown your way at once,

We went through our ASD guy having autoimmune problems for a long time. My one sane means of getting out of the house was taking a walk. I strapped him in a a stroller until he learned to walk next to me. Hugs hugs and more hugs

The rough play is heartbreaking. Asd son went through this. I laid blankets and pillows on the floor, got pads and played rough with him once a day. It decreased him doing it all the time. Spitting I can't even imagine handling.

You are incredible
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

BIG HUGS, mama!!  You just let it all out!!!   Praying something breaks in the right direction for you soon!!!  Will be praying! 

by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:53 PM
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This is hard- but we keep going because we have no choice. When my baby was in the hospital and recovering it  was really rough. I hope it gets better soon. My son started ABA at school and he got really bad at home for a while before he started to improve. Just hang in there. I hope they find some answers for Samual soon and I am sorry about your mom. Prayers and hugs.

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 2:00 PM
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You my dear need to give your life over to God he is the only thing in the world your ever find that will give you strenth,hope, and peace of mind your looking for. There is all kinds of online prayer lines where you can have people pray for you and your circumstances and there are online christian radio stations that are available to lift your spirits 90.5, 91.5, k- love. One of my favorite songs is (Believer)by Kutless everyday i listen to it. Just remember your not alone everyone suffers in one way or anouther. GOD works in mysterious ways sometimes we see our life circumstances differently then what it really is. LOVE ME

by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 3:40 PM
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wow.. you are getting the sh*t end of the stick these days. I am SO sorry. That sounds rough... gotta tell you I dont know if I am woman enough to ever take on ABA IF thats what its like... whew... BIG hug for a fast, fast turn around!
Im so sorry you're feeling unsupported and actually even forsaken by your family. It HURTS... I know. It seems unfair, thoughtless and you deserve better.
I hope your moms cancer scare works out for the best. I also hope you get some info on samuel quick so he doesnt lose any weight and stays that gorgeous chunky monkey he is.
I will say a prayer for you my friend for all this to clear up, for the sun to shine and for the warmth of spring (if it every comes here to the NE'st) to bring you happier, easier days.
BTW, Sam and I and hubby are planning a trip to Philly (as Sam is fascinated with the declaration of independence and the liberty bell and all things Revolutionary these days...) I will let you know when we are coming.... perhaps we can meet at "please touch".. I can hold that gorgeous fat baby, my Hubby can chase Sam and Ryan around and you my friend, can nap in your car... .. ... LOL...

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 4:42 PM
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Prayers are sent your way mama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 5:26 PM
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Wow! You are one STRONG woman. You are right about it getting worse before it gets better. You are in the trenches now, just remember it won't always be like this. Maybe in your future it will only take 10 minutes to get ready to go for a walk:)
I am sorry your in this hard place right now. Hang on, vent here as often as you need to. Big hugs Mom, keep on!
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