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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Does your child tell lies?

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 1:09 PM
Jan
  • 24 Replies

My 12 year old ds has lied to me a couple of times, directly, looking me right in the eye (about something he knows he would get in trouble for if he admitted to doing it). 

The other moms of the boys (all with HFAD/ Asperger's) in my son's Social Skills group have told me that their sons can't tell a lie.

Anyone else have experience with lying?

Jan

by on Apr. 8, 2014 at 1:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 2:37 PM

My son is 5.5.  I'm not sure he could lie if he watned to.  He is very literal.  He also is not high functioning. 

Bobcatridge
by Carol on Apr. 8, 2014 at 3:16 PM

My daughter just turned 13 and what you see is what you get.  She can't lie, can't keep anything hidden, and will say exactly what she thinks.  If it is in her mind, it will come out whether it is tactful or not. 

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 3:59 PM

Lying is actually a very good skill... LOL... Yes, many many kids on the soectrum figure out how to lie. Its an advanced skill... Iying is related to intelligence, Although we think of truthfulness as an Aspie virtue, it turns out that lying is the more advanced skill. A child who is going to lie must recognize the truth, intellectually conceive of an alternate reality, and be able to convincingly sell that new reality to someone else. Therefore, lying demands both advanced cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn’t require. 

This puts you in the position of being either damned or blessed, depending on how you choose to look at it. 

Or, id wonder... Since it is me.. And Im always wondering... Lol... If he truly believes it. Is it his perception of the event, which as we also know can be very warped and misguided simply by their Dx. 

For example. sam complained that during gym the kids on his team were giving him a hard time. It was a team of 4... It was Sams turn to run, get the baton, and run back. He said they were yelling at him to come on! What he heard was "elevated voices" - which to him is a perception of anger-- and "come on!" Which to him indicated disappointment and furatration.. This is HOW he felt.. What occurred was children happily yelling COME ON..  In encouragment... But Sams perception was off... So Sam would NOT have been lying about his experience in gym.. Although, it wasnt exactly the truth... Ya know... That truth being in the eye of the beholder... 


Jenn8604
by Jennifer on Apr. 8, 2014 at 4:09 PM
My son is 5.5 and can barely talk he has no clue how to lie.
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TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Apr. 8, 2014 at 4:36 PM

 D can lie but he's REALLY bad at it!lol He'll be 13 Saturday!

rainboz
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 4:40 PM

My 11 yr old who is autistic can sneak,hide, and lie.

whitewinterose
by Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 5:06 PM

JD is way too good at lying and sneaking. He has actually analytically developed ways to go around a situation he does not find favorable. And if he is confronted about it, he will deny it. Even though he has seen me catch him. So I don't know if that is a good or bad situation. 

jowen905
by Jan on Apr. 8, 2014 at 5:19 PM

 I definitely understand about the misguided perceptions - sometimes you really have to sort through the maze to try to understand what really happened.

In these particular cases, he was outright denying doing something that I knew he had done.  He's not a very good liar, though - deer in the headlights look, plus he blushes!

Quoting SamMom912:

Lying is actually a very good skill... LOL... Yes, many many kids on the soectrum figure out how to lie. Its an advanced skill... Iying is related to intelligence, Although we think of truthfulness as an Aspie virtue, it turns out that lying is the more advanced skill. A child who is going to lie must recognize the truth, intellectually conceive of an alternate reality, and be able to convincingly sell that new reality to someone else. Therefore, lying demands both advanced cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn’t require. 

 

 

This puts you in the position of being either damned or blessed, depending on how you choose to look at it. 

Or, id wonder... Since it is me.. And Im always wondering... Lol... If he truly believes it. Is it his perception of the event, which as we also know can be very warped and misguided simply by their Dx. 

For example. sam complained that during gym the kids on his team were giving him a hard time. It was a team of 4... It was Sams turn to run, get the baton, and run back. He said they were yelling at him to come on! What he heard was "elevated voices" - which to him is a perception of anger-- and "come on!" Which to him indicated disappointment and furatration.. This is HOW he felt.. What occurred was children happily yelling COME ON..  In encouragment... But Sams perception was off... So Sam would NOT have been lying about his experience in gym.. Although, it wasnt exactly the truth... Ya know... That truth being in the eye of the beholder... 


 

 

 

Jan

jowen905
by Jan on Apr. 8, 2014 at 5:22 PM

 Happy early birthday to your guy!   A teenager, oh wow - mine turns 13 in June, yikes!

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 D can lie but he's REALLY bad at it!lol He'll be 13 Saturday!

 

Jan

mel628
by New Member on Apr. 8, 2014 at 5:32 PM

Hi Jen,

My Courtney is 13 and she certainly knows how to lie.  We're working on it, but it's been a struggle. 

Mel

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