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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

*UPDATE" Moms, I need your advice, please

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 5:35 PM
Jan
  • 13 Replies

Update:  well, today the girl asked ds if he had the $5.00, he told her he had asked his mom and his mom said he's not allowed to give money to kids at school.  He said she responded with "that's fine" - not in a snotty way, according to him.  And that was it.

Now it's time for serious conversations about not being taken advantage of, who to trust and who not to trust, what makes someone a friend and what's appropriate and not appropriate.  We've had these talks before, but I'm going to have to really get into specific detail with him about things.  And I'll probably confuse the heck out of him trying to explain why we give donations, money, our volunteer time, etc. to help those less fortunate than us - which is something I've really stressed to him over the past few years.  And now he thinks that he should give anything to anyone who asks for it, because they must need it.

My 6th grade ds came home from school today and told me that a girl that's in 3 classes with him approached him in the hallway between classes and asked him if he had any money.  He said "No, for what?".  She responded "for anything".  Then Billy asked if she wanted him to bring in money tomorrow.  She said yes, and then she asked if he could bring in $5.00.  Billy said yes.

Now, according to ds, she is his "friend", though he's never mentioned her before to me.  When I asked him what interaction they've had before, he said they've talked to each other, but he can't remember about what.  In Billy's mind, talking could just be saying "hi" one time.

My first thought is that she sees him as an easy mark and she can get money from him, which, obviously he is, because he agreed to give her the money.  He sees nothing wrong with her asking for money, and because she's his "friend" he wanted to give it to her.

So I began the discussion with him that it's not appropriate for her to ask him for money.  He's having difficulty understanding that this girl is probably trying to take advantage of him (how could that be??? She's his friend, right?)

I'm not sure what to do - I'd like to email the counselor or teachers and call it to their attention.  However, Billy is adamant that I not do that - not because he fears being a tattle tale and suffering retribution (he doesn't comprehend that), but because she's his friend and doesn't want her to get into trouble.  I don't want to make more of an issue than it needs to be, and I would hate for him to be labeled as a tattler and then, not knowing anything about this girl (is she a really "mean" girl, a bully?) have her start a bullying campaign against him.

I'm trying to think about what he can say to her tomorrow to let her know that #1 she's not getting money from him and #2 that she needs to back off.  I was thinking of having him tell her "well I asked my mom about the $5.00 you wanted and my mom would like your phone number so she can call your mom and talk to her about it".  I don't know, I want this girl to get the message that she can't be asking my son for money.

I keep thinking about that poor autistic boy who was coerced into doing horrible things by 2 girls that he thought were his "friends" - and now that poor young man does not want his parents to pursue criminal charges because he STILL thinks they are his friends.

Help!

Jan

by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 5:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 5:58 PM
I think your first instinct is good. His answer could simply be "I am not allowed to give money to kids". Maybe role play a few scenarios with him. If she doesn't let it go then inform school what's happening. Good luck.
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Apr. 23, 2014 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree. Have him simply tell her he's not allowed to give money to kids at school, even friends. If she finds that response unacceptable your son will let you know. Then you can contact the school.

Quoting Jenibob: I think your first instinct is good. His answer could simply be "I am not allowed to give money to kids". Maybe role play a few scenarios with him. If she doesn't let it go then inform school what's happening. Good luck.


jowen905
by Jan on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:57 PM

 Thanks, that's a good reply.  We've already role played a few scenarios.  And if she doesn't let it go, I'll certainly inform the school.

Quoting Jenibob: I think your first instinct is good. His answer could simply be "I am not allowed to give money to kids". Maybe role play a few scenarios with him. If she doesn't let it go then inform school what's happening. Good luck.

 

Jan

tictacmama
by Arlea on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting Jenibob: I think your first instinct is good. His answer could simply be "I am not allowed to give money to kids". Maybe role play a few scenarios with him. If she doesn't let it go then inform school what's happening. Good luck.

 this, and good luck!

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:52 PM
1 mom liked this

These ladies have good ideas! 

Charizma77
by Carissa on Apr. 23, 2014 at 10:27 PM

I agree with the other ladies. Oh, I hope this doesn't break his heart if she is mean to him or hurtful in anyway :(

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Yep...I agree with these ladies.  Good luck!

jowen905
by Jan on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:47 AM
1 mom liked this

I know, I hope things go okay.........thanks.

Quoting Charizma77:

I agree with the other ladies. Oh, I hope this doesn't break his heart if she is mean to him or hurtful in anyway :(


Jan

mypbandj
by Jen on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:28 AM

I know my kids don't like it but if something is happening at school with another child, I do call the school and let them know. I feel like they should know what is going on. You never know, she might be doing this with other kids too. 


jowen905
by Jan on Apr. 24, 2014 at 4:04 PM

 Thanks, I see your point.  I'm anxious for him to get home today and tell me what happened.

Quoting mypbandj:

I know my kids don't like it but if something is happening at school with another child, I do call the school and let them know. I feel like they should know what is going on. You never know, she might be doing this with other kids too. 

 

 

Jan

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