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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Being unsocial, what is the big issue?

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 3:02 PM
  • 21 Replies

Maybe I can't see the big picture yet, but my 4 year old has PDD-NOS and an issue that gets raised is her not being social.  She will play if it is something she wants to play or is interested in, but sometimes she prefers to play alone.  There are times we go to the park and kids will ask her to play, she says "No, Thanks" and goes on doing what she's doing.  She is a happy little girl and doesn't seem sad that she is alone.  Please help me see why there is such a big issue.


Thanks for your help

by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 3:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Jun. 16, 2014 at 3:11 PM
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Kids learn alot through social interaction. It helps them understand social rules. But it sounds like your daughter engages enough to know to answer a child when she's asked to play, so I'm honestly not sure for your situation.

I know my daughter does wnat to play with other kids and she just doesn't know how and that does upset her. And she doesn't know how to appropriately respond to others. When a child asks her to play, she runs away.

tictacmama
by Arlea on Jun. 16, 2014 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 I know with my son he doesn't pay attention to others around him. Because he lacks the ability to follow others cues he also lacks the ability to follow motion-led directions ("do this", or "walk over there") . If she just prefers to be alone, that is fine. But if she lacks the ability to follow social cues than there is much in organized instruction she will miss out on. Most of school led instructions are following the teachers lead as well as their words.

KarenGood
by Karen on Jun. 16, 2014 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

My son only speaks about 35 words. But understands a lot. When other children ask him to play often he will stand up and look at them like he wants to... But then just stands there and watches them play. It is a very sad thing to witness. I don't know why your child may need help with socialization... Has she ever initiated play with others?

NatashaEvesmom
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 4:51 PM

She will initiate with her sister (who is 5 and NT) and sometimes other kids.  But again, it's on her terms or sometimes she would prefer to run in a circle rather than play with the other kids.  Up until about 4 months ago, she wouldn't even initiate with the kids at the pre-school.  Now she may for a few minutes, but she will do it.  I guess as I'm typing this, I realize that once she goes to school there is the "group activities" that she'll have to do and that she can't do group work alone.  I don't "think" she is sad that she doesn't play with the other kids or that she doesn't know how.  I really think that she just wants to play what she wants to play. 

mrs.hartman12
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 4:55 PM
2 moms liked this
I have never been social and it was torturous as a child when it was forced on me. I think forcing it is more damaging then letting them be. There are al kinds of personalites in the world, its not right to force everyone in the same mold.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jun. 16, 2014 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

My son is almost 6 years old and is very low functioning.  He isn't social with other children at all...he could care in the least about other kids.  Now, if he knows adults, he will be social with them:)  Hugs mama!

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't see it as an issue. My son is this way. He is happy and that is what matters

Simran81
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 1:24 AM
1 mom liked this

My son freaks out when kids come near him. He is fearful and cannot enjoy himself at the park cause there are always other kids playing. He screams and asks to be lifted if another child approaches him. At 3.5, it is hard for me to carry him, plus i cant talk to any of my neighbours cause he wont want to be near them and their kids. So my social life is cut too.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jun. 17, 2014 at 6:08 AM
1 mom liked this

 I agree...forcing it is a terrible thing to do. The child won;t enjoy it that way either! If someone wants to be alone, why is that so awful? Don;t we all want to be at some point?

I just think with my son I would like him to have friends come knocking on the door for him or to see him walking out of school talking with other kids.

Quoting mrs.hartman12: I have never been social and it was torturous as a child when it was forced on me. I think forcing it is more damaging then letting them be. There are al kinds of personalites in the world, its not right to force everyone in the same mold.

 


gramsg
by New Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this

Some of the most creative people are loners.  She seems to know what she likes and has social awareness, she even says No, thanks which is very polite.  And, remember, being alone is not necessarily being lonely.  I bet she is concious of what is going on around her, observing many things that other more involved children miss entirely.  This may serve her well in the longrun; for instance, novelists have to be excellent observers of others in order to write about the lives of their characters.  Not everyone needs to be a social butterfly.

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