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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Discipline: Find Help and Share What Works for Your Family!

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:48 PM
  • 27 Replies

Are you looking for help disciplining your ASD child?  You've come to the right place!  Our moms have "been there, done that" and have shared some great advice.

Here are just a few helpful tips shared by moms just like you:
 

1. Base your discipline style on their level of understanding 

  • Higher functioning children can understand rewards and punishments while low functioning children may respond better to redirection rather than consequences.
     

2. Make sure they know why they're being disciplined

  • Put an "If/Then" chart on the fridge so they know what's expected and what will happen if they don't obey.
  • Get down on their level and make sure you have their attention before you speak.
  • Discuss with your child what they did wrong then make them repeat it back to you.
  • For lower functioning children, repeat short sentences they might understand.  Example: If he turns the TV up too loud -  say "Too loud, too loud, too loud" while turning down the TV. 
     

3. Use rewards along with consequences

  • Take away a privilege for bad behavior (TV, video games, computer) but be sure to reward GOOD behavior as well.  
     

4. Redirect

  • Replace "bad" behavior (throwing a ball in the house) with "good" behavior (take your child outside to throw instead). 
  • Engage them in a calming activity.
  • Remove them from the situation and offer an alternate, positive activity.
     

5. Be consistent and firm

  • Don't threaten a consequence without following through.
  • Be sure you discipline for the same behavior (good and bad) with consistency.
  • Don't back down from a consequence.
  • ASD children can be very literal.  Make sure you are telling them to stop a behavior rather than asking.
     

6. Allow room for change

  • Be prepared to adjust your discipline style as your child ages and develops.


For more details on how moms implement these ideas visit one of these helpful discussions or share questions and ideas in the replies below!

by on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2014 at 1:50 AM
1 mom liked this
Timeouts work for my ASD child
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jun. 24, 2014 at 5:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks for sharing!

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2014 at 7:57 AM

Talking with my ASD child helps to figure out why the behavior is occuring... In addition looking at the behavior as a form of communication without words that are expressing an issue.. Irritability, stress, sensory, are usually the issues behind Sams behavior... 

Reading this made me very uncomfortable and I was offended at the reference to inconsistant parenting, which asd moms get all the time... And a time out only teaches the behavior is unwanted, not a different option. So often a childs behavior is interprected as reflective of his characheristic: and so often a childs behavior is simply letting us know that something in his/her environment isnt right... And this is how he is expressing it isnt right; and IF he had the tools to exoress himself different/respind different he would... 

K1tten
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2014 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 I pretty much do as you stated above. Time out works some for me on occassions.

mkb36
by Member on Jun. 24, 2014 at 12:31 PM
My son age six likes beaking eggs any suggestions
Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Jun. 25, 2014 at 3:39 PM

I agree, talking with the child can really help, especially as they get older.

I'm sorry you felt offended by the wording in the post.  

Quoting SamMom912:

Talking with my ASD child helps to figure out why the behavior is occuring... In addition looking at the behavior as a form of communication without words that are expressing an issue.. Irritability, stress, sensory, are usually the issues behind Sams behavior... 

Reading this made me very uncomfortable and I was offended at the reference to inconsistant parenting, which asd moms get all the time... And a time out only teaches the behavior is unwanted, not a different option. So often a childs behavior is interprected as reflective of his characheristic: and so often a childs behavior is simply letting us know that something in his/her environment isnt right... And this is how he is expressing it isnt right; and IF he had the tools to exoress himself different/respind different he would... 


Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on Jun. 25, 2014 at 3:40 PM

Can you keep the eggs in a spot in the fridge where he can't reach them?  Maybe allow him to "help" you cook by letting him break one egg a day?

Quoting mkb36: My son age six likes beaking eggs any suggestions


SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 3:54 PM

just slightly offended.. LOL.. wink....thanks for the apology.

Keep in mind that parents of ASD children face these hurtful, humiliating attitudes every day - from bus drivers to teachers, doctors to neighbors. Many of our own parents say some destructive things  that convey a lack of trust in our ability to parent.

Parenting an ASD child with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges,is exhausting and the journey can be frustrating, draining, and isolating. It doesn't help that lots of folks are blaming us for our child's behavior telling us "youre too inconsistant, you're noncontingent, passive, permissive..and we are none of these things.. ." I know Im ultra senstive, so I will apologise to you for that... it just that my tolerance level for such criticism is low, especially since I spend every bit of energy raising my difficult ASD child. 

Thanks.. sincerely wishing you all the best!!!

Quoting Cafe AmyS:

I agree, talking with the child can really help, especially as they get older.

I'm sorry you felt offended by the wording in the post.  

Quoting SamMom912:

Talking with my ASD child helps to figure out why the behavior is occuring... In addition looking at the behavior as a form of communication without words that are expressing an issue.. Irritability, stress, sensory, are usually the issues behind Sams behavior... 

Reading this made me very uncomfortable and I was offended at the reference to inconsistant parenting, which asd moms get all the time... And a time out only teaches the behavior is unwanted, not a different option. So often a childs behavior is interprected as reflective of his characheristic: and so often a childs behavior is simply letting us know that something in his/her environment isnt right... And this is how he is expressing it isnt right; and IF he had the tools to exoress himself different/respind different he would... 

 

Jenn8604
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 3:57 PM
2 moms liked this
Depending on his mood. Sometimes he just keeps going to see if I will keep doing something. But after so many time outs not working I know he needs a butt spanking. He's 20x as stubborn as I was. 10x worse than me and 10x worse than the sperm donor.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lucasmadre
by Kari on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:20 AM
1 mom liked this

My son is 10, the latest thing that works for him is not discipline at all, I just ask him "is this the way you want to act when you grow up and become a man? You have to start thinking about what kind of man you want to be..." then we talk about how a man would handle the situation at hand...it works! Slow but steady.

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