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My child's dad is in denial, blames me

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 12:21 AM
  • 5 Replies

So my child has recently been diagnosed as AU. He is high functioning and very successful in academics. He struggles with anxiety and social skills. His father and I have been divorced for about 6 months. The dad will not accept that our son is AU. He has even said to me that I have convinced the doctors, just to get more child support. I have no intention of seeking more child support and I am certainly not capable of bending doctors to my will. So how do I help this man to accept the diagnosis? Or do I just ignore him and do the best I can to help my son without worry of his father?

by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 12:21 AM
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Replies (1-5):
mypbandj
by Jen on Jun. 29, 2014 at 1:55 AM
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Ignore him. I doubt he will agree with anything you say, especially with the diverse. I know someone whose ex won't believe their son had dairy allergies and feeds him dairy constantly at visits.
I'm married and my dh still doesn't really but the ASD Dx. He says I want my kids to have autism.

Is AU autism? Sorry I've never seen that before.
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Ajisai43
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 7:18 AM
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If possible I would ignore your ex.  You have more important things to spend your time and energy on - your amazing son! If he is going to have visitation rights then it may be more important for him to "get" the diagnosis so he can be helping rather than inadvertently hurting him during visits.  Not saying intentionally, but if he doesn't get that your son might not be able to handle AB and C due to his diagnosis he might put him into stressful situations or have expectations that can't be met.  And I think I remember reading somewhere that having a mediator or someone bring up official diagnoses and the need for following the "rules" regarding them, and having it be really official sometimes makes it more "real", as it were.

anyhoo, good luck.  You sound like an awesome mom and there are lots of like minded ladies on here more than willing to listen and help!

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jun. 29, 2014 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this

If you have primary custody you are the one who is going to make all the major choices and get your child what he needs to thrive. Sounds like he is already doing great at school and that is huge. Ignore your X, you have to focus on your son right now and getting him any additonal help he might need. Don't waste your time even thinking about how your X feels. That he would say you are trying to get money because of this diagnosis shows where his head is at....not thinking clearly.

Good luck sweetie, take care of your son and yourself. I am sorry that on top of recently divorcing you are now facing this diagnosis (as it can be hard at first to hear) but try and remember that it is just a tool to help your son get the things he needs to  thrive.   xo

Macphee
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with these ladies about him being too influenced by the divorce to hear you out. He will come around. Denial was the longest emotional phase for dh when ds was diagnosed. It's a hard pill to swallow for dads to hear their son is "different".
JTMOM422
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:15 AM
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Unfortunately unless dad is willing to accept the doctors diagnosis he is not going to change how he is with his son. You could have him go and talk to the doctors himself and see what they tell him. It's better if you can both be on the same page with your son but if he absolutely won't then I would just make sure that you are following the directions that you are given by the doctor

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