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Possesive and food hoarding

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:18 PM
  • 9 Replies
I'll start with the food. We had a birthday bbq yesterday so I bought junk. Chips, licorice, juice boxes, etc. Jaxyn ate at least half a bag of Lays bbq chips to himself then hid the bag. Then the jumbo bag of doritos went missing. He hid that too! (I made him put it on the stove after I figured out it was missing). We don't normally eat a lot of junk. But when we have it he does not stop until it's gone and pitches a fit if we make him share with siblings or take it away. FRUSTRATING!

The other part. Ds2 had his party yesterday. He'll be one on Tuesday. Jaxyn has not and will not leave the baby's new toys alone. In reality he prefers the baby toys period but has a select few "big kid" toys he plays with. This is more than the normal "new toy!" As he takes the toys and the baby does not get to play with them or see them and meltdowns/fights occur if the baby tries to play with his own toys.

Any advice on either?
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:18 PM
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Replies (1-9):
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:21 PM

How old is Jaxyn? 

ballerina.2006
by Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:22 PM
5. Asd & adhd

Quoting SamMom912:

How old is Jaxyn? 

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:27 PM

HFA ASD? Would he understand when you were buying the bag that it was not his bag, that he could fill a bowl and eat the bowl.. But not the bag? Dont tell him after he starts, but when youre buying the bag in advance so he can change the "expectation" of what will occur with the bag. 

I mean, he has impulsivity issues with the ADHD, so the impulse to keep eating and the poor decision making impairs his ability to stop.. AND the ASD sets him up for the black and white rigid thinking.. So IN advance before the issue takes hold, set the expectation with him...or perhaps even buy him a smaller bag just for him that he can eat... Im sure he is smart, so you could also explain your concerns about his belly beng upset, or how later, after the party when everyone leaves, he could have a smaller bowl for being a good sharer? Just to simply reinforce the behavior youd like to see of moderation and patience and delayed gratification? 

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:30 PM

I want to add I think he is hoarding simply because his expectaion is he wants it... And you arent listening to him tell you.. Youre just taking it away... So he is "taking care of himself" by taking it and hiding it. That way, you CANT say no... Cause you dont even know about it... Lol.. But IF he believes you have heard him, have adressed hisconcern about the chips and what he wants to have.. It may go better,,, YOu could let him chose the bowl size (tell him a reasonable bowl... Lol not a HUGEbowl" ask him if that is enough so that he feels heard and validated with his wants and expectation... 

ballerina.2006
by Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:35 PM
Yes HFA.

The bag was opened from the party and he wasn't with me when I bought it. He was told before lunch that he may place a handful on his plate with his meal, sister and dh were both told the same thing (consistancy). I then went outside to work on a project (after lunch) and dh was called out to give me a hand since I was using some power tools I wasn't familiar with. It was in that few minute time frame where we both had our attention divereted outside that birthday toys were snuck into his bed and the chips hidden.

We also explained when presents ended up on the picnic table they were Harrison's for his birthday. When they were opened i had Jaxyn sit next to me at a seperate table from dh and brother an explained again "xyz is harrison's gift. Abc is Harrison's new birthday toy." He grasps the statement but it's almost a squirrel effect (affect?) where he sees the toy again and then it's full circle and we're back to new toy= jaxyn automatically instead of the true recipient.

I forsee community supplies in Kindergarten to pose this same issue even with advance warning.


Quoting SamMom912:

HFA ASD? Would he understand when you were buying the bag that it was not his bag, that he could fill a bowl and eat the bowl.. But not the bag? Dont tell him after he starts, but when youre buying the bag in advance so he can change the "expectation" of what will occur with the bag. 

I mean, he has impulsivity issues with the ADHD, so the impulse to keep eating and the poor decision making impairs his ability to stop.. AND the ASD sets him up for the black and white rigid thinking.. So IN advance before the issue takes hold, set the expectation with him...or perhaps even buy him a smaller bag just for him that he can eat... Im sure he is smart, so you could also explain your concerns about his belly beng upset, or how later, after the party when everyone leaves, he could have a smaller bowl for being a good sharer? Just to simply reinforce the behavior youd like to see of moderation and patience and delayed gratification? 

ballerina.2006
by Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 8:37 PM
That's a good idea! We think rationing a handful is "enough" since we bought nacho doritos and he is technically allergic so it's a double special treat due to his dairy allergy. I completely see what you're saying though! Makes a lot of sense!

Quoting SamMom912:

I want to add I think he is hoarding simply because his expectaion is he wants it... And you arent listening to him tell you.. Youre just taking it away... So he is "taking care of himself" by taking it and hiding it. That way, you CANT say no... Cause you dont even know about it... Lol.. But IF he believes you have heard him, have adressed hisconcern about the chips and what he wants to have.. It may go better,,, YOu could let him chose the bowl size (tell him a reasonable bowl... Lol not a HUGEbowl" ask him if that is enough so that he feels heard and validated with his wants and expectation... 

JTMOM422
by Platinum Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:28 PM

The food is hard to deal with. For my son he is always running away with apples. He takes the apples and bites a couple bites then leaves them for later. It drives me crazy.

The toys you will have to teach turn taking pretty much. Or have a picture board showing what are his toys and what are the baby's

lady-J-Rock
by Niki on Jul. 1, 2014 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I ended up buying individual sized bags of chips cookies etc. I have one child with adhd, anxiety and ocd tendencies. One child with selective mutism, suspected SPD and auditory processing disorder. We are waiting on an appointment for the SPD and APD. Xavier has autism.
As for the baby toys I'd pick some up from a yard sale write their names on it.
johnns
by on Jul. 1, 2014 at 12:05 PM
1 mom liked this
We have a problem with the junk food too. I've caught Sally sneaking food. Sally makes me crazy with her 3 food choices! Lol, and all 3 are junk, and she is always hungry- go figure?!? I hide the junk- we too only buy for parties, special occasions. With chips I've always put them in a sandwich baggies. My NT teen boys seem to go crazy with junk- they don't get that very often and go through it fast!
Good luck with the toys- even if you got the same ones for him, he would probably want ALL of them, the collection seems to be important to my Sally (5,asd)
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