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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

he punched me in the face :(... UPDATE...had a meeting..pic in the replies too

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2014 at 9:04 PM
  • 13 Replies

Hello!  Im basically just in desperate need of a vent..  When I vent to people in my life they have typical kids and they always say oh my 3.5yr did that or thats typical.  Ryan has a history of being extremely aggressive especially with me.  Well we have been getting in-home ABA for about 7mo.  He hasn't been aggressive for 5-6mo.  Now he is again.  He's so hyper and now aggressive.  When I pregnant he always went to hit me in the belly.  Now its my face he goes for.  I was pulling up his pull-up and he punched me in the back of the head 3-4x.  I ignored the behavior as the therapist have instructed me to.  He then grabbed the laundry and started throwing it around.  I told him to hand it to me nicely and we could do laundry together.  I looked up thinking he's handing me some laundry and instead I took a punch to the nose.  I grabbed my nose thinking blood would come pouring out.  He ran to the other side of the table and began to laugh at me.  Then in front of the therapist he was punching me.  He ran over to Samuel who is 7mo and pulled his fist back like he was going to punch him in the head.  Thank god he didn't.  He just stopped himself.  We took Ryan outside and he was to help me with some yard work (he loves to help).  He picked up the broom and bam I got hit in the legs with the broom.  Today I cut his sandwich wrong and he just started hitting me.  I can't ignore this behavior.  Its sooo hard it's just not natural to ignore a child that is punching you in the face.  Im supposed to remove myself and Samuel and redirect Ryan.  I was walking him to his room to go to bed and he turned around and just started swinging on me.  I just kept blocking his punches with my arms and gave him no reaction.  I put him to bed and walked away and cried on the couch.  Now the ABA therapist is coming 5-6 days a week. Its exhausting.  Im beyond grateful to have the services but I did fight my a** off to get them.  My mom keeps telling me I need to be grateful Im getting help.  I am, no one helped me get them, I fought and fought as our insurance wont cover anything.  The therapist seems to think the 2 weeks Ryan was off from school until his summer session started and that fact that he's going in 2hrs later is what is setting him off and he's testing me.  I dont' know how to explain this to any one in my life but to have your child punch you in the face and to laugh after is just heart breaking.  I know Ryan likes the reaction so Im to ignore the negative and praise the good but it's a lot easier for someone to do it when they spend 3hrs a day here.  This is my life.  I try to give Ryan all the attention in the world, I do his PT and OT with him as well as his therapist have given me things to do with him at home.  But now Im on edge more than ever.  I never would leave my baby alone with any 3yr old let alone my 3yr old but if he were to have punched Samuel as hard as he hit me, Samuel would have to go to the hospital.  Im having to protect my baby from my son.  I just know Ryan is full of love and I hate that this is happening.  I cry every night saying tomorrow is a new day and I will be a better mom tomorrow.  I feel like my patience is so thin.  Not only is he hyper and aggressive but he is just repeating himself over and over again no matter if I respond to him or not.  I accept that this is my life and Ryan has special needs but Im beat up...literally and Ive had enough today.  Ok vent over.  


Thank you all for your support and hugs.  I had a meeting yesterday with ABA supervisor.  Long story short I just told her I really can't ignore the aggressive behavior.  I can but after 5-6 hits to the head Im human and I react.  I obviously don't hit back but I give Ryan the reaction he clearly wants.  So now we are doing time-outs.  Ive been warned it will def get worse before it gets better.  She made me scared a bit as she kept warning me Ryan is only getting bigger and stronger and he will put me in the hospital if we don't get this situated.  Im small so it wont take Ryan long to be bigger and stronger than me.  He's so strong now.  I really thought he broke my nose the other day.  We are doing a lot of redirecting and picture schedule.  She also thought I should go see a therapist and process all that has been happening.  Ryan being diagnosed and well beating me up, getting pregnant, and having another child with issues.  Samuel is improving thank god.  I just sometimes get over whelmed with the routines, schedules, therapies, the punches, tantrums etc etc.  Its a lot for anyone and I do find myself blaming myself for it all.  I know I didn't cause Samuel to have a birth defect, just like I didn't cause Ryan's autism but I think maybe its natural as a mother to blame ourselves.  Ryan is the most beautiful lovinglittle boy and I just want him to be ok and have friends.  I see right now he doesn't as he isn't the nicest to the other kids in his class.  Ryan will figure out what makes a kid upset and do that behavior as he likes the negative reaction and that's just so hard for me.  When he punches me he laughs and points at me.  So for now we are trying new techniques and Im going to go see a therapist on tuesday.  I don't want to but if it will help me to be a better mom I'll try and be open.  Thank you all for your kinds words, love, and support!  

by on Jul. 14, 2014 at 9:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jul. 14, 2014 at 10:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh my goodness, girl, I wish I had the magic answer to stop this! D was never this way, so I have no experience with hitting or punching.

I can hear the frustration and I get it. I hope the therapists theory is right and that whatever is making him act out, goes away and brings back all the good you see in Ryan. Praying this is temporary or at the very least, a solution is found.

Thinking of you tonight. Big hugs !
3chicksfarmmom
by Member on Jul. 14, 2014 at 10:16 PM
2 moms liked this

So sorry to hear this.  I think your doing an amazing job of holding it together and not reacting when he acts this way.  When I am feeling as you are "beat down" the only thing that helps me to get thru is to do as you said....tomorrow is another day and it WILL be better!  Hang in there, positive thoughts your way :)

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jul. 14, 2014 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I just want to give you a big hug!!!  I'm sorry Mama!!hugs 

strongforthem
by on Jul. 14, 2014 at 10:29 PM
1 mom liked this

My heart breaks for you. I know my 5 year old can break my heart just with her words, i cant imagine what kind of emotional pain would be caused from unrepentant violence. =( I hope you can find some answers and help.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 15, 2014 at 5:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs mama...I know that's so hard.  You are doing the right thing by block his punches/hits and ignoring him until he stops that behavior.  I know that's easier said than done as well.  We are here for you!

lady-J-Rock
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2014 at 7:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Get a punching bag. Get a foam shield. I can say Xavier has hit punched and bit me. I stopped being at eye level to him. It required me to not sit with him on the floor or couch unless he was laying down on me. When he started to stand up did I. I stopped giving him the opportunity to become physical with me. He'll be three in a few weeks and he's 40 pounds and 41 and a 1/2 inches tall. He's incredibly strong and is only getting stronger and faster.

Stand behind him when getting him dressed.
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jul. 15, 2014 at 7:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs. 

I hear you... Im greatful Sam is a yeller and not a hitter.. BUT, i was yelled at as a kid by my mom A lot! i hate, hate, hate, being yelled at. Im lucky, I can leave the room, I have no little one to protect. Its way easier to close my ears and walk away then have to endure hitting. 

Im hoping once his schedule gets back on track, he has a HUGE leap of progress and this ends! 

Fyi.. Im going to be in philly this weekend. :) 

Logansmom1999
by Kristina on Jul. 15, 2014 at 9:00 AM
1 mom liked this

{{{HUGZ Mama}}} I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family.

charley31
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2014 at 9:22 AM
Thanks for the advice. Ryan's 42lbs and so incredibly strong. I just want this to stop esp before he's bigger than me. I'm small only 5'2". I'm signing him up for karate when he turns 4 in oct. The place I like and can afford won't take him until he's 4.

Quoting lady-J-Rock: Get a punching bag. Get a foam shield. I can say Xavier has hit punched and bit me. I stopped being at eye level to him. It required me to not sit with him on the floor or couch unless he was laying down on me. When he started to stand up did I. I stopped giving him the opportunity to become physical with me. He'll be three in a few weeks and he's 40 pounds and 41 and a 1/2 inches tall. He's incredibly strong and is only getting stronger and faster.

Stand behind him when getting him dressed.
mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2014 at 12:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry mama. My son is 5, he's long and skinny but he gets aggressive too. Especially when I'm telling him it's time for bed. He's slapped his face and when I told him not to he slapped me with both hands. I  was so shocked and hurt (emotionally) I couldn't help it, I started to cry and told him that he hurt mommy and that's not nice. Since then he's tried to hit me a few times, I usually grab his hands before they connect with me. I really don't know what to tell you. I don't know if you tried telling him not to hit or try to discipline him when he does like putting him in timeout or taking away something. I'm really sorry, it's heartbreaking when you don't have the answer to why your child reacts or does something.

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