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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

My son left the store with merchandise

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 5:43 PM
  • 12 Replies

 DS is 6 and has aspies. Today we went to Walgreens really quick and when we went back to the car and drove off I smelled alcohol. DS had an opened bottle of nail polish in his hand. He was excited to try it on and proud of the cool color he selected. Then he showed me 5 sticks of other makeups (eye liner and other stuff). I went into the turning lane and did a u turn right back to the store. I told him how what he did was wrong (I knew he didnt steal on purpose, but still) and I had to go back and give everything back. I also told him he'd have to go in with me. He started getting anxious and told me he didnt want to go in with me. I just wanted to get it over with so I ran in, explained and gave the items back to the cashier. In front of many customers. I told them ds was afraid of coming in. I'm sure they thought I was totally lying to them. I could have simply walked back in, dropped the crap in the makeup section and walk back out. Or hell, just keep driving. But I humiliated myself instead. Would it have been the right thing to teach him humility and have him go in the store with me to apologize? Was I unconsciously playing the "special needs" card allowing him to stay in the car so I could risk getting into trouble and protect the nervousness of my son? The talking-to in the car on the way back to the store scared him enough.

by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ladyvamp5489
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 5:50 PM

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

Owl_Feather
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 5:54 PM

 now I feel stupid :( Im just not as tough or responsible as I should be I guess. He's only 6. And he didnt leave the store with the items with the intentions to steal, although he technically did. Here I go again making excuses for him. I'm a terrible mom :(

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

 

ladyvamp5489
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 5:57 PM

ohh noo your not, your doing the best you know how like the rest of us.  Its a learning experience for all of us. Just have a talk with him about what he did was wrong and why in language he will understand and let it rest, but watch him closer in stores for awhile. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 now I feel stupid :( Im just not as tough or responsible as I should be I guess. He's only 6. And he didnt leave the store with the items with the intentions to steal, although he technically did. Here I go again making excuses for him. I'm a terrible mom :(

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

 


Owl_Feather
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:00 PM

 I'm a protector. I have always had that mentality. In my head I wanted to teach my son a lesson of humility but then the protector in me said "well I scared him enough talking to him about it in the car". Instead I made a fool of myself.

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

ohh noo your not, your doing the best you know how like the rest of us.  Its a learning experience for all of us. Just have a talk with him about what he did was wrong and why in language he will understand and let it rest, but watch him closer in stores for awhile. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 now I feel stupid :( Im just not as tough or responsible as I should be I guess. He's only 6. And he didnt leave the store with the items with the intentions to steal, although he technically did. Here I go again making excuses for him. I'm a terrible mom :(

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

 

 

ladyvamp5489
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

as i said sweety, its a learning experience. LOL your doing fine with him. Dont worry about what others think. At least you took the stuff back and didnt teach your son that stealing was ok. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 I'm a protector. I have always had that mentality. In my head I wanted to teach my son a lesson of humility but then the protector in me said "well I scared him enough talking to him about it in the car". Instead I made a fool of myself.

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

ohh noo your not, your doing the best you know how like the rest of us.  Its a learning experience for all of us. Just have a talk with him about what he did was wrong and why in language he will understand and let it rest, but watch him closer in stores for awhile. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 now I feel stupid :( Im just not as tough or responsible as I should be I guess. He's only 6. And he didnt leave the store with the items with the intentions to steal, although he technically did. Here I go again making excuses for him. I'm a terrible mom :(

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

 

 


Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 8:12 PM

For my kids with ASD, I would have made them go back in with me for the return/explaination, but I would have done all the talking as they are not high functioning and could not have understood the concept or explained themselves.  I'd then make up a social story on store outings and that we can't take things.  I'm also a safety freak and won't leave my kids alone in the car for even a second.  I have issues, lol.  I think it depends on the child's development, what they can understand, and how much they can communicate to what their role is I n this.  It doesn't matter what you did in the moment, it matters they are taught why it was not the right choice, so it does not happen again.  We all just do our best and learn as we go.  Don't beat yourself up over it

On second thought, I probably would not have wanted to unstrap everyone so probably would have gone through pharmacy drive thru to give stuff back, lol.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 8:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree here.

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

as i said sweety, its a learning experience. LOL your doing fine with him. Dont worry about what others think. At least you took the stuff back and didnt teach your son that stealing was ok. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 I'm a protector. I have always had that mentality. In my head I wanted to teach my son a lesson of humility but then the protector in me said "well I scared him enough talking to him about it in the car". Instead I made a fool of myself.

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

ohh noo your not, your doing the best you know how like the rest of us.  Its a learning experience for all of us. Just have a talk with him about what he did was wrong and why in language he will understand and let it rest, but watch him closer in stores for awhile. 

Quoting Owl_Feather:

 now I feel stupid :( Im just not as tough or responsible as I should be I guess. He's only 6. And he didnt leave the store with the items with the intentions to steal, although he technically did. Here I go again making excuses for him. I'm a terrible mom :(

Quoting ladyvamp5489:

imo yes you were, it would have been a good teaching experience for him. My DS had tried stealing and got caught, i let them deal with it with him( they didnt call the police) but they did 86 him from the store for a couple months. Then i sat down with him at home and talked to him about right and wrong. 

 

 


lucasmadre
by Kari on Jul. 19, 2014 at 7:25 AM

Do not beat yourself up. It is ok to skip a teaching lesson once in a while. You will have another chance to teach this. Take him into Walgreens when you have a minute and show him that all the things in there cost money. Let him pick out something small and give him the money to pay for it himself with your help. If he goes through the process of paying and getting his item in a bag it teaches him the "right" way of doing things without him feeling shame about the mistake he made. Like you said, he didn't know he was wrong...just that he liked all that stuff in the make-up section. I would like to fill my pockets with that stuff too :)!!!!! 

MamaLauri
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Perhaps the first time and at this age not forcing him to go in was best. If the behavior continues he should return the products with you and potentially work to pay for what he has taken (the opened bottle that now can not be sold to others).

Owl_Feather
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 5:05 PM

 I do that when we go to subway. I give him a few dollars to buy some cookies if he wants some after his meal.

Quoting lucasmadre:

Do not beat yourself up. It is ok to skip a teaching lesson once in a while. You will have another chance to teach this. Take him into Walgreens when you have a minute and show him that all the things in there cost money. Let him pick out something small and give him the money to pay for it himself with your help. If he goes through the process of paying and getting his item in a bag it teaches him the "right" way of doing things without him feeling shame about the mistake he made. Like you said, he didn't know he was wrong...just that he liked all that stuff in the make-up section. I would like to fill my pockets with that stuff too :)!!!!! 

 

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