Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I hate Autism! *long*

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:52 PM
  • 23 Replies

*Please excuse the fact that this is quite jumbled. I'm stressed out and can't seem to find the right wording.*


I feel bad for saying it, but it's true. Either it's Autism, or I'm a horrible failure as a parent, but my son absolutely will not listen to me no matter what I do or say. I've tried every punishment, I've tried explaining to him, I've tried getting on his level, I've tried reasoning, bribing.... Everything. It's very rare that anything works. DS just doesn't seem to care what I say. He never pays attention to me when I'm talking to him. It all goes in one ear out the other and as soon as I stop talking, he goes right back to misbehaving. He is always an angel for everyone else (besides my mom), and that's probably why so many people don't want to believe that he's Autistic.

What makes it the worst is that he's been out of school for a month and in that month his behavior has gotten so bad that some days I just don't want to be around him and even just his voice makes me angry. I am in desperate need of a break but I have no one who is willing or able to care for him 99% of the time and the only person who will watch him (my mom) is not very nice to him most of the time. She also refuses to change his diapers, so I can never be gone for very long or go too far away. Not only that, but DS now has separation anxiety again. Two weeks ago I went to the store alone for 20 minutes and DS was whimpering the entire time and when I got home he was very upset because I didn't take him with me. Seeing him that way broke my heart.


I understand that some children are just difficult, and I know his behavior is probably because I'm his safe haven and because there have been a few big changes in his life, but damnit, I can't take it anymore! I love him so, so much. I don't want this to be how our relationship is. I know he knows how I'm feeling because I've tried to talk to him about his actions and how it makes me feel more than once but he doesn't seem to understand much past the point of "Mommy's upset." But he just doesn't seem to care. I'm feeling very run down, stressed past my limit, and depressed over this.


Please tell me I'm not alone?!

CafeMom Tickers CafeMom Tickers

by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 17, 2014 at 5:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs mama!  I'm so sorry you guys are having a rough time right now.  Is he in therapy of any kind?  I'd consider behavioral therapy or ABA if I were you...hugs!

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this


 

Quote:

I'm feeling very run down, stressed past my limit, and depressed over this.


I don't know if this helps, but your son isn't doing this on purpose. And your son is probably feeling the exact same way, except he doesn't know how to process it or handle it w/ the right thoughts and behaviors.

There *ARE* methods that help build a stronger, more bonded relationship.

There *ARE* methods that help build "compliance" through a lot of positive relationship reinforcement.

1st book to recommend: "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene

2nd book: "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child"

Big hugs mama. 

mypbandj
by Jen on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:09 AM
How old is he?

Are you getting any outside help? Like behavior therapy? OT?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
me2autism
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:38 AM
3 moms liked this
I'm sorry you're going through this, you're not alone. No one will watch my dd.Last year alone we tried over 35 caregivers from different agencies due to her behavior. She has been out of school since last November. Just recently she started attending summer school and it has been horrible so far 2 paras quit in just 3 days.
I recently started with a behavior assistant at home who on day 1 told me she wasn't coming back. ...after a couple days she came back saying she wanted to try seeing how difficult it was for us.
A few years ago I told myself that regardless of my daughter's difficult behavior I was going to create positive moments when we're together (which is 99% of the time).
I find pleasant activities to do ,we play together, read, share her videos, game and whatever interest her. She is very one-sided so it all about her and her interest.
I've been praying for a greater love and bond that no negative behavior can break, patience, longsuffering,endurance, knowledge and understanding so that I can best care for her.
As difficult as it gets hang in there. ..Never give up....Take it from me I live this daily. ..I've not gotten a break in 9 months straight. ..and I'm still alive and surviving.
I'll pray for you and your family that you may be strengthened and find peace and joy while taking care of you son and yourself. ..
Best wishes
Logansmom1999
by Kristina on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:41 AM
1 mom liked this

hugs

charley31
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this
You're not alone. Change in his routine not being in school for instance can really set them off. It was a lot of hard work but I fought and got my son in-home ABA. It not just helps Ryan but helps us as a family. He also gets PT and OT. OT def helps with his sensory issues which can also cause some aggression. Hugs. Hang in there. You're never alone. I just posted about my son punching so I can def understand the frustration.
Mwheels72
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:05 AM
4 moms liked this

I saw your post and thought about your problems. My son is 6 he is a nonverbal autsitc. He doesn't come when I call, he doesn't recognize his name and hasn't spoken since he was 1 and half.

 I struggle everyday how to keep him safe, how to teach him to behave sit down, wait patiently. Keep trying. I have therapist who have taught bribing works to calm him down, sit still but then he expected bribing all the time. That doesn't work. I can tell you I have brought food to sit with him in a doctors waiting room only to have everything spilled on the floor. (my son pulled the entire ziplock from the bottom)

I've learned over time to bring smaller bags and containers, I have learned from my bad experiences sometimes things just happen and there's no way you can fix or prepare for everything in a day. So you try again another day with a new tactic. Somethings take Months at a time more likely. First you have to recognize that your human. (Christina Perri- Human song comes to mind)  It's ok to feel frazzled. Your a Mom. 

Autistics handle behavior differently for  some ABA works, some of it doesn't. Then you have to work out how it fits for your son daily schedule, life, circumstances.  

Bribing/rewarding  works when the his actions are good, and it doesn't work for  everything and every place. Redirection coming back to task are a daily thing. Timing when your son will best respond takes practice.   Also Punishment depends on if your son understands what punishment is. 

The other thing that helped me is getting a book called The Everything Parents Guide to children with autism by adelle Jameson Tilton. When my son seemed to not act like he heard me I wandered is he deaf. (Ear docs said everything good) unfortunely DS could hear 10 times stronger than me. Secondly is he ignoring me" the it goes in one ear and out the other". I Found that some Autistic kids deal with alot of sensory issues filtering out sights and sounds for some kids.  (Another book called the Out of Sync Child helped me understand that) 

       I can tell you I have two normal girls, ages 18 and 12 who when they were 5 were very clingy and by age 6 they would never sit upright in a chair they would keep sliding down  or running away on purpose. So part of his clingyness maybe due to his age. Asserting the situation saying oh part its age (this too shall pass) and part of its learning when they ran away it was because of X, Y, Z and consistancy with following through making them sit up straight over and over again.  But I can tell you things get better with time and practice. 

I'm sorry your mom is not supportive, some parents just don't understand. Think you should have him out of diapers  know how to deal with his behavior at all times when they don't understand autism and whats truely going on.. 

Also when your stressed to the max slow down your own pace, take a deep breath. You have to set the standard of what you want to set in place. Sometimes I've seen parents talking to their kids in a certain tone and then the kids act the same way. They mimic what they see.

So take DS to the park or store to get out all that energy, come back and set the house on low key. Lights down, tv down low eat dinner. Find a time, when DS goes to bed and relax, read, take a bath. Destress. Realize it takes time, Rome wasn't built in a day and you are ok.

Also Probably talking to your son about you being upset while he's making you upset won't help either of you. He is 5. You need to talk to another adult about your stresses and find other outlets that include you and your son together and separately. Try looking for Respite Care to help you get one night to yourself a month at least.

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:23 PM

 

Quoting me2autism: I'm sorry you're going through this, you're not alone. No one will watch my dd.Last year alone we tried over 35 caregivers from different agencies due to her behavior. She has been out of school since last November. Just recently she started attending summer school and it has been horrible so far 2 paras quit in just 3 days. I recently started with a behavior assistant at home who on day 1 told me she wasn't coming back. ...after a couple days she came back saying she wanted to try seeing how difficult it was for us. A few years ago I told myself that regardless of my daughter's difficult behavior I was going to create positive moments when we're together (which is 99% of the time). I find pleasant activities to do ,we play together, read, share her videos, game and whatever interest her. She is very one-sided so it all about her and her interest. I've been praying for a greater love and bond that no negative behavior can break, patience, longsuffering,endurance, knowledge and understanding so that I can best care for her. As difficult as it gets hang in there. ..Never give up....Take it from me I live this daily. ..I've not gotten a break in 9 months straight. ..and I'm still alive and surviving. I'll pray for you and your family that you may be strengthened and find peace and joy while taking care of you son and yourself. .. Best wishes

sniff sniff

This was beautiful.

Def have been there. Thank you for sharing this. 

ETA: This is really great advice and so well put!

OP: Sorry if I sounded harsh. I have been there.

57plus
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 5:00 PM
1 mom liked this
You are not alone. Have so been in your shies.
Shame on your mom. Check local services that are available.
School, health department , hospital, pediatrician. Help is out there. Sadly, you have to really search.
Hang in there.
Our kids are more than autism. :)
brittanyrenee7
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this

This honestly makes me choke back tears. I know how you feel <3 *hugs*

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)