*Please excuse the fact that this is quite jumbled. I'm stressed out and can't seem to find the right wording.*
I feel bad for saying it, but it's true. Either it's Autism, or I'm a horrible failure as a parent, but my son absolutely will not listen to me no matter what I do or say. I've tried every punishment, I've tried explaining to him, I've tried getting on his level, I've tried reasoning, bribing.... Everything. It's very rare that anything works. DS just doesn't seem to care what I say. He never pays attention to me when I'm talking to him. It all goes in one ear out the other and as soon as I stop talking, he goes right back to misbehaving. He is always an angel for everyone else (besides my mom), and that's probably why so many people don't want to believe that he's Autistic.
What makes it the worst is that he's been out of school for a month and in that month his behavior has gotten so bad that some days I just don't want to be around him and even just his voice makes me angry. I am in desperate need of a break but I have no one who is willing or able to care for him 99% of the time and the only person who will watch him (my mom) is not very nice to him most of the time. She also refuses to change his diapers, so I can never be gone for very long or go too far away. Not only that, but DS now has separation anxiety again. Two weeks ago I went to the store alone for 20 minutes and DS was whimpering the entire time and when I got home he was very upset because I didn't take him with me. Seeing him that way broke my heart.
I understand that some children are just difficult, and I know his behavior is probably because I'm his safe haven and because there have been a few big changes in his life, but damnit, I can't take it anymore! I love him so, so much. I don't want this to be how our relationship is. I know he knows how I'm feeling because I've tried to talk to him about his actions and how it makes me feel more than once but he doesn't seem to understand much past the point of "Mommy's upset." But he just doesn't seem to care. I'm feeling very run down, stressed past my limit, and depressed over this.
Please tell me I'm not alone?!