It's all about the small steps
Gillian is almost 13, and still needs a lot of help with hygiene. She has super thick, curly, wiry hair, which she simply can not wash properly. About once a week, she gets in her bathing suit, and I put her in the tub so I can painstakingly (and back breaking) comb through all of her curls (they knot up so bad, it usually takes about a quarter of a bottle of conditioner, and 45+ minutes to comb out). That way, it's washed good, and left to soak in conditioner to help soften it.
At her age, she has leg and underarm hair, which does not bug her too much, but she is fine having it removed. I tried starting her off with nair on her legs, but the smell bothered her, and she hated sitting with it on.
She was terrified to use a razor, but she was fine letting me use one, so maybe once a month (or less in the winter), I would help her shave her legs and underarms. Tonight, I asked if she wanted to have her armpits shaved- she said no, they were fine, but wanted her legs shaved.
I started, but she said no, I want to try. She shaved both legs by herself. She missed some spots, but she did it all on her own.
I am so happy for her- she was excited to do it on her own, and it's a big step towards being in charge of her hygiene. I know it's an area she will always struggle with, but this is one less thing I have to help with.
no matter what struggles there are, focus on the small things. Small things add up.