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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Losing my mind! My child abuses me

Posted by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:23 PM
  • 11 Replies

My daughter is about to turn 7 in 2 weeks.  She is beautiful, she is fun, she even hugs and kisses me at times, and she is autistic. My husband, her father, passed away 2 years ago so I am raising her all on my own.  I dont have family that helps me with much.  Recently my daughter started calling me names  (and other people, its part of her daily meltdowns).  Her favorites are "You stupid fat fat dummy idiot fatty".  Just to note, these are not words that I use or anyone I know uses around her, I have always made a point to watch what is said in front of her.  Im all for the therapy and working through the problems with my child.  What I cant take is the everyday abuse from my own child.  My little girl who I love more than life itself.  The child I would do anything for.  She coldly calls me horrible names, hits me, throws things, and meltsdown anytime anywhere everyday.  Im not writing to get advise (but I will alwaays take your advice) on what to do about her behavior.  Im writing because my heart is ripping in 2, I am breaking down, and feel defeated and really feel pain in my sole because my daughter can be so mean to me.How can I get through this.

by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh mama...my heart breaks for you right now.  I can hear how hurt and upset you are.  Are you and your daughter in counseling of any kind?  Is she in ABA therapy or anything at school?  I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and wish you the best!

Jenn8604
by on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Well since you don't want advice on what to do for her behavior all I got is HUGS!
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Bleddynt
by Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this

thanks for the quick replies (and hugs) I didnt mean I wont take advice, I just meant I was more writing because Im hurt and want to know if anyone else has been through this.  If anyone has advice I will always listen, I definitly dont have tall he answers and if anyone knows some magic that would be great!

Insurance has been an issue as far as getting therapy, they gave her medicaid and took it away after one month, i dont understand why but thats another issue.  The only therapy she is in is this great program I found here in Florida called JAFCO.  They work on grants and she started with them about 2 months ago.  They even do overnights and everyone there has master degrees in behavior therapy and developmental disabilities and they work one on one with the kids (and adults with dev. dis.) They are working with me to get her medicaid back and ABA and parenting disabled chidren classes and lots of other things.  It just all takes time.  And all this time is the time now that is breaking me.  

emarin77
by Silver Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 8:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand, I felt the same too when my son at 3 started hitting me and his father but then realised I needed to teach my son to use his words during a time out when he hit me.  Each time he hit he was put in a time out and was taught to use his words "I'm angry" at the beginning and ending of a time out.  Within 2 months he started using his words.  By age 4 he was using his words 95% of the time, at 6 now he is using his words 99% of the time.  If she is non verbal teach sign or use pecs (pictures).

As she learns to use her new form of communication you will most likely see a change in her other behaviers too.  This occured also with my son.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 8:11 PM

Hugs, mama.  I hope your services come through for you.

wildchild.com
by Janine on Jul. 22, 2014 at 8:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Mobile Photo

I'm so sorry, my son is 9 & for awhile he didn't go a day without hitting, biting, pulling hair & kicking me. My arms had bite marks all over them & bruises on my legs. In my sons case his anxiety level was way up there. Finally we put him on Abilfy & its calmed him down incredibly. I'm not saying this is what you need to do. But it has changed our lives. There's peace in our house again & I feel like finally I can breath. Big hugs mama were here for you.
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jul. 22, 2014 at 9:04 PM

I hope they get it back quickly and her therapy can continue. Praying for you, mama!

Quoting Bleddynt:

thanks for the quick replies (and hugs) I didnt mean I wont take advice, I just meant I was more writing because Im hurt and want to know if anyone else has been through this.  If anyone has advice I will always listen, I definitly dont have tall he answers and if anyone knows some magic that would be great!

Insurance has been an issue as far as getting therapy, they gave her medicaid and took it away after one month, i dont understand why but thats another issue.  The only therapy she is in is this great program I found here in Florida called JAFCO.  They work on grants and she started with them about 2 months ago.  They even do overnights and everyone there has master degrees in behavior therapy and developmental disabilities and they work one on one with the kids (and adults with dev. dis.) They are working with me to get her medicaid back and ABA and parenting disabled chidren classes and lots of other things.  It just all takes time.  And all this time is the time now that is breaking me.  



ladybug14204
by New Member on Jul. 22, 2014 at 10:07 PM

Oh honey I feel for you. My son has bloodied my nose countless times, destroyed my property, given me at least 6 black eyes and has bitten, kicked, punched and slapped me. My heart breaks for you. I have been through the mill with my kid. He has even attacked my daughter. Pray for you?

gdiamante
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:41 AM

I suspect that since this is happening during meltdowns, these are more just collections of words than anything with actual meaning to it.  The first thing I thought of upon reading this was Tourette's. Here's part of the symptoms description from the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke:

"Perhaps the most dramatic and disabling tics include motor movements that result in self-harm such as punching oneself in the face or vocal tics including coprolalia (uttering socially inappropriate  words such as swearing) or echolalia (repeating the words or phrases of others)."

It's worth talking with your doctor about. I don't think these are attacks on you in any way.

Owl_Feather
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 12:53 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm going through a similar thing with my son. I always thought "eh he's just being a kid" because I think most of us went through the "I hate you" name calling phase after being told to go to our rooms or if we refused to clean up our toys...but it is hurtful and he just doesnt stop.

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