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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I know this is a "normal" phase for all kids this age...but....

Posted by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 12:14 AM
  • 9 Replies
My dd will he 11 in a month. She is moderately functioning autistic with anxiety disorder and god only knows what else that could have been caused by her stroke. (In utero) she also has premature adrenarche which is puberty started early, but no period yet. So her hormones are nuts.

She has been a "little girl" for so long I had forgotten how old physically she is getting.

Lately for the last few weeks, if I tell her to do something, she huffs, and gives attitude with "why do I have to" and "I don't wanna"

But when I correct it, it becomes an instant anxiety issue (not a full a attack though) and she starts yelling "I didn't mean to! I sorry!"

I want the bad attitude to stop, but I have no idea how! I have always used 123magic and it has always worked. But when it comes to the attitude its not working.

In don't know if I'm seeing it through shaded mommy eyes, but honestly to me it really seems like she isn't doing it on purpose and it's just a reaction she can't control.

My logical side tells me she CAN learn to control it. Bit my emotional mommy tells me she might not be capable of it and I don't want to push her into something she can't do.

Does that make sense?

Thanks for your time. sorry it's so long!

by on Aug. 23, 2014 at 12:14 AM
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Replies (1-9):
by Darby on Aug. 23, 2014 at 7:34 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs mama!  My son is much younger so I don't have any advice, but wanted to send hugs!

by Bronze Member on Aug. 23, 2014 at 8:56 AM
My kid does that. I would honestly ignore her reaction, because correcting it creates instant confrontation. Ds is 6 and does this, he is mature and is more like a preteen. Ignoring him fuels him more, but eventually he walks off when he realizes he won't get a reaction. Then he comes back later and apologizes. We came up with a cool down chair with his iPod available. It's worked and decreased outbursts.

Yes she can control it. It's not easy. Dh has anxiety attacks, his family would yell at him to calm down or spank him. It hasn't worked because he still has them. I ignore or go to another room, it took awhile for him to get it. He now goes somewhere until cool down (I know ds learned the behavior from dh).
by Jen on Aug. 23, 2014 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Try to pick your battles and remember that having different feelings is ok. It's ok to be mad or disappointed. It's not ok to hurt people, yourself or property.

I know that for my teens, it's way more effective to get them to do something if I give them a time frame. Like: by noon today, I need you to take out the trash. Or: before you go to bed, you need to put your laundry away.
But if I just say take out the trash now and stop what you're doing, I get more attitude.
I also agree that ignoring the attitude is key. If she says he doesn't want to or whatever, don't get into that fight. Just let it go. She still has to do what you told her to. Whether she likes doing it doesn't matter. So try not to comment on those things.
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by Stephanie on Aug. 23, 2014 at 8:10 PM

I like the idea of giving her a time frame to get something you want done completed.  Also, 11-13 were the ages I was the most obnoxious to my mother.  She is actually displaying pretty neurotypical tween behavior.  Once I was 14, I was pretty embarrassed about how bratty I had been to my Mother, it is a huge transition time, especially for girls who hit puberty earlier.  The fact that she is remorseful is encouraging, I would just thank her for being sorry and remind her it is better to think before you speak and if you don't have something nice to say, not to say anything at all, and then she wouldn't need to apologize.  Easier said than done, I know.  I am sure I am going to get it bad in those ages as payback for how rude I was to my own Mom!

Hugs Mama, good luck!

  My Heart, My Love, My Life,

  My Little Man.

by Michele on Aug. 23, 2014 at 10:59 PM
I know what you mean! D is 13 and I never know if his anxiety is a normal teen thing or part of bring autistic! I know that preteen girls can be a handful bc I have a 17 year old daughter, so it could very well be just that.
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by Kari on Aug. 24, 2014 at 1:25 PM

My son is ten and I am dealing with the same thing. Attitude about everything! Nothing is good enough, no one understands, grumpy one minute happy the next...HORMONES. That is what I think it is. 

But that being said I am not willing to deal with a child who is so out of control so I have been telling him if he wants to have a bad attitude he can do it in his room and when he is disrespectful to me he looses a privilage. My son has anxiety issues but I know he feels safer when the boundaries are clear. Good luck, sounds like we are in the same boat!

by Kristina on Aug. 24, 2014 at 2:07 PM

My son is 14 but isn't high enough functioning to have this problem. I just wanted to lend my support. that is a tough situation to be in.

by Member on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:17 PM

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but here's some huge hugs!! BTW I love your avi :D 

by on Aug. 24, 2014 at 11:37 PM

Positive Discipline for Children with Special Needs: Raising and Teaching All Children to Become Resilient, Responsible, and Respectful Paperback – March 8, 2011 by Jane Nelsen  (Author), Steven Foster (Author), Arlene Raphael (Author)

Raising Resilient Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders: Strategies for Maximizing Their Strengths, Coping with Adversity, and Developing a Social Mindset: ... Adversity, and Developing a Social Mindset [Kindle Edition] Dr. Robert Brooks , Sam Goldstein 

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