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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Feel so bad for DS

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 9:57 PM
  • 14 Replies
I was talking to him trying to figure out how to have a better day for tomorrow. I told him he could have some special choc candy I got if he could go tomorrow without hurting anyone (according to the school, he tried hitting, bitting, scratching, etc to the school psychologist while she was restraining him) or running away (he ran out twice today from school). He told me he really wanted the candy but couldn't promise it because he said when he gets really upset, he can't stop it, but wants to be good.

I felt so bad for him. And at being 6, that's a big thing to be able to explain. Honestly, I probably would do whatever I could to get away from them too. So I can't blame him for that. And that school psychologist can be one scary lady. I've seen him in meltdown mode. And I know what he means. He is such a good boy. But when there's a trigger..like the huge changes at school today and feeling like he had no control over anything.. He's going to go into meltdown mode, and he doesn't seem capable during those times to stay his sweet, innocent self. He's in the fight or flight mode then, it seems. And you can see sometimes him trying to fight it. I just feel so bad for him. I wish I could help him.
by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 9:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Macphee
by Silver Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:09 PM
Create a social story of things he can do,
Pictures, when I'm upset I can

A. Hugs a pillow
B. look at a book
C. Listen to music
D. Do a puzzle
E. Spin in a chair

Now, why would she restrain him. Behavior analyst instructed me to take ds hands and tell him calmly stop. Block exit, but walk away. Is he trying to escape a task? Is it attention?

Why do you feel bad for him, he's hitting the psychologist. I'd feel bad for her. Not to be harsh, but do you think he knows you feel bad for him so the behavior is being enforced.

Maybe he can have candy when he has nice hands, not for not hitting. You're reinforcing a good behavior, not giving attention to a bad behavior.
Charizma77
by Carissa on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:26 PM

honestly, my son was miserable in his kindergarten class in our school district we sent him to and he started to lash our at the special Ed teacher and he never acted like that in preschool.. We .found out he was frightened of her and the other special needs kids (one boy tried to strangle another child). We tried everything and it just got worse until we just decided to explore other options and we found out there was an autism support clas in the next district over and we could send him there (also found other there were other students from our district int he class as well). Anyway, it is a calmer  class setting (with an awesome teacher)  and a better school for him and he has never acted out like that there..no aggression at all in 4 years..

sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:28 PM
A social story is a good idea.

He eloped twice today at least. I wish they would do the blocking exits and walking away..that works well at home. But at school, they see him as disruptive in the classroom if he's screaming, crying, hiding, etc. and then takes him to the special education class to contain him in. No, I don't think he knows I feel bad for him. I try to work with the school and he knows he gets punished and not rewarded for poor behavior. I do feel bad that she has to deal with this. But I can only imagine what he must be feeling. I do reward him for good behavior and do not give anything for bad.


Quoting Macphee: Create a social story of things he can do,
Pictures, when I'm upset I can

A. Hugs a pillow
B. look at a book
C. Listen to music
D. Do a puzzle
E. Spin in a chair

Now, why would she restrain him. Behavior analyst instructed me to take ds hands and tell him calmly stop. Block exit, but walk away. Is he trying to escape a task? Is it attention?

Why do you feel bad for him, he's hitting the psychologist. I'd feel bad for her. Not to be harsh, but do you think he knows you feel bad for him so the behavior is being enforced.

Maybe he can have candy when he has nice hands, not for not hitting. You're reinforcing a good behavior, not giving attention to a bad behavior.
sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:32 PM
DS did the best in PreK. Kindergarten was miserable like you said it was for your son. I wouldn't be surprised if DS is scared of the school psychologist. She started dealing with him last year, in kindergarten. That's scary about the one child strangling the other. I'm glad you found that autism support class. It sounds like it's a whole lot better for him. If this continues, we might need to look at other options as well.

Quoting Charizma77:

honestly, my son was miserable in his kindergarten class in our school district we sent him to and he started to lash our at the special Ed teacher and he never acted like that in preschool.. We .found out he was frightened of her and the other special needs kids (one boy tried to strangle another child). We tried everything and it just got worse until we just decided to explore other options and we found out there was an autism support clas in the next district over and we could send him there (also found other there were other students from our district int he class as well). Anyway, it is a calmer  class setting (with an awesome teacher)  and a better school for him and he has never acted out like that there..no aggression at all in 4 years..

shunnicutt
by Stephanie on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:36 PM

It is good to feel empathy for your child.  He needs your love and understanding.  Then he needs therapy and positive reinforcement.  Him running is a scary thing.  It is good they are paying enough attention to him to keep that from happening.  I haven't had to deal with violent outbursts yet, so I don't know what it takes to try and get our little ones past that.  He is an extremely insightful child though.  If he can come to that conclusion, he may well be on his way to learning ways to control it. 

Macphee had some great suggestions of ways he can work to replace that behavior in acceptable ways.  Keep working at it, he'll get there.  <hugs>

Charizma77
by Carissa on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:40 PM

It's a shame the school didnt give us that option from the start..they waited until it got bad and then told us about that class..oh well, I can't complain..it's been great and I met a good friend of mine from that class..her son and my son are in the same class and we met at my sons birthday party :)

Quoting sunshinepraying: DS did the best in PreK. Kindergarten was miserable like you said it was for your son. I wouldn't be surprised if DS is scared of the school psychologist. She started dealing with him last year, in kindergarten. That's scary about the one child strangling the other. I'm glad you found that autism support class. It sounds like it's a whole lot better for him. If this continues, we might need to look at other options as well.
Quoting Charizma77:

honestly, my son was miserable in his kindergarten class in our school district we sent him to and he started to lash our at the special Ed teacher and he never acted like that in preschool.. We .found out he was frightened of her and the other special needs kids (one boy tried to strangle another child). We tried everything and it just got worse until we just decided to explore other options and we found out there was an autism support clas in the next district over and we could send him there (also found other there were other students from our district int he class as well). Anyway, it is a calmer  class setting (with an awesome teacher)  and a better school for him and he has never acted out like that there..no aggression at all in 4 years..


sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:41 PM
I agree. We actually just got an appointment with a behavior therapist, so I'm hoping that will help some too. He ran from school last year and they lost him at least a couple of times. Hopefully they won't loose him this year. Yeah, I'm hoping the fact that he was able to tell me that, that maybe it means there's hope in him being able to turn it around down the road.

Quoting shunnicutt:

It is good to feel empathy for your child.  He needs your love and understanding.  Then he needs therapy and positive reinforcement.  Him running is a scary thing.  It is good they are paying enough attention to him to keep that from happening.  I haven't had to deal with violent outbursts yet, so I don't know what it takes to try and get our little ones past that.  He is an extremely insightful child though.  If he can come to that conclusion, he may well be on his way to learning ways to control it. 

Macphee had some great suggestions of ways he can work to replace that behavior in acceptable ways.  Keep working at it, he'll get there.  <hugs>

sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 10:43 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you guys had to go through all of that before finding out about that class. So happy to hear things are much better now.

Quoting Charizma77:

It's a shame the school didnt give us that option from the start..they waited until it got bad and then told us about that class..oh well, I can't complain..it's been great and I met a good friend of mine from that class..her son and my son are in the same class and we met at my sons birthday party :)

Quoting sunshinepraying: DS did the best in PreK. Kindergarten was miserable like you said it was for your son. I wouldn't be surprised if DS is scared of the school psychologist. She started dealing with him last year, in kindergarten. That's scary about the one child strangling the other. I'm glad you found that autism support class. It sounds like it's a whole lot better for him. If this continues, we might need to look at other options as well.

Quoting Charizma77:

honestly, my son was miserable in his kindergarten class in our school district we sent him to and he started to lash our at the special Ed teacher and he never acted like that in preschool.. We .found out he was frightened of her and the other special needs kids (one boy tried to strangle another child). We tried everything and it just got worse until we just decided to explore other options and we found out there was an autism support clas in the next district over and we could send him there (also found other there were other students from our district int he class as well). Anyway, it is a calmer  class setting (with an awesome teacher)  and a better school for him and he has never acted out like that there..no aggression at all in 4 years..

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:52 AM

Big hugs mama!

sunshinepraying
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 9:19 AM

thanks

Quoting darbyakeep45:

Big hugs mama!


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