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Dh pissed me off

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:58 AM
  • 6 Replies
So.... ASD son is doing great. A couple of incidents with bullying, problem fixed and monitoring. Nt son who has ADHD was screened for gifted program, missed by 15 points. Very bright, so much potential. Rushes his work, overconfident and complacent. He does enrichment which is great, but already too competitive with himself.

Dh spends 30 mns debating with ds teacher at or conference. What's the highest score? What's his percentage? That doesn't mean he's not gifted.

Dh has fits when late for soccer and nt gets anxiety to rush. So I tell him, do you think the pressure you put on him is an issue. My over scheduling and timing activities admittedly made ds feel as f he has to rush. Dh is like no. Then tells the teacher to make ds do burpees. I am still scratching my head to figure out what he is trying to accomplish. ASD son is in the same grade as his brother and functioning independently. There is more sibling rivalry, which I think is making ds extra competitive.

Feedback please.
by on Oct. 15, 2014 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-6):
JudyE07
by Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:10 PM

My husband gets fussy when he can't leave early enough to get somewhere like he leaves thirty to forty minutes early. Maybe it's a good thing that hubby was concerned about son's performance at school if he wasn,t  ugly about it. As for sibling rivalry that will happen but maybe you can get everyone together for a family meeting and each one can take a turn saying what's on their mind. It does help to do that.


akaGLIA
by Vicki on Oct. 15, 2014 at 1:17 PM
Hi, I'm Vicki and I understand. Autistic children are voracious visual concrete learners, when they are trained to interact with their environment through words. The gap comes in processing the meaning, first for each word, then for the abstract concept that the words together are trying to convey to the reader, like "she wept when they cut down the great oak her grandfather had planted, so long ago". Flys right over them! That is the missing 15 points. Yes, as long as the concept is concrete, many are sauvant. My son could read the Wall Street journal at 5. He could read and spell words like avalanche, but had no concept of how to use the word, (and I had no intention of showing him in concrete form (i.e. Real life, not TV) what that experience means!) I liked safer words!:-D
As far as Dh, he has personalized his sons as an extension, a reflection of himself. This is not good! As he slowly begins to understand and accept, what reality is, like many fathers of autistic children, he might become more, and more detached, even embarrassed by his son's inability to become the idealized man that he dreamed. Nothing is more destructive in personal relationships than the egotistical "great expectation", as it is the catalyst for turning outward, and seeking "happiness" beyond the family.
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 2:01 PM
I respectfully disagree with the above comment and think that while some ASD are concrete thinkers its not an absolute. Sam, my 8 year old would def. catch the meaning of that sentence, so I'm doubtful thats "the reason"... I think youre right, "his overconfidence" and "rushing thru" probably cost him those few points. Id wonder if this test was for all kids, or kids with LD. If its for all kids, Id wonder if the proper supports were in place for your son as ASD and a child with a learning difference if a more supportive environment (untimed?) quiet testing area... Could have made a difference...

He may be gifted and talented AND learning different--- those "accommodations" are legally supported if you want retesting.

As far as your hubby goes, hugs! He sounds stressed and high strung about his boys! :) that actually sweet--- but he most certainly needs to chill a little huh?!? Lol... Is he asd adhd?
Macphee
by Silver Member on Oct. 15, 2014 at 2:57 PM
Smh, both ASD and ADHD actually

He was placed in special ed and is a math savant. He didn't have a parent as an advocate for him, so they just pegged him as a bad kid and put him in a special ed class. He was diagnosed after 6 yrs of me telling him I think something is off.

Quoting SamMom912: I respectfully disagree with the above comment and think that while some ASD are concrete thinkers its not an absolute. Sam, my 8 year old would def. catch the meaning of that sentence, so I'm doubtful thats "the reason"... I think youre right, "his overconfidence" and "rushing thru" probably cost him those few points. Id wonder if this test was for all kids, or kids with LD. If its for all kids, Id wonder if the proper supports were in place for your son as ASD and a child with a learning difference if a more supportive environment (untimed?) quiet testing area... Could have made a difference...

He may be gifted and talented AND learning different--- those "accommodations" are legally supported if you want retesting.

As far as your hubby goes, hugs! He sounds stressed and high strung about his boys! :) that actually sweet--- but he most certainly needs to chill a little huh?!? Lol... Is he asd adhd?
akaGLIA
by Vicki on Oct. 15, 2014 at 10:59 PM
Of course, nothing is concrete in Autism. It's a spectrum, and the more severe, the more concrete. My son, now 25 years old was non verbal. Very concrete in the beginning. If you read our experience, and other replies with some details of our journey, then you will understand that my son was able to flourish in the ever evolving environment that was created by my team building efforts. At school, he too, was tested for gifted, but fell slightly short. He excelled at reading, writing and math, and never had a B grade until he made a friend in 5th grade who told him Cs were good and Bs were great. But when he was tested (age 6), he had significant gaps in abstract thinking along with savant abilities in the categories previously mentioned.
He still excels, and is most comfortable with more concrete curriculums. He is a University Graduate, BA in History (which he always enjoyed, because he has a photographic memory that doesn't seem to forget much), is holding down a full time job, a drummer in two bands (have to admit I prefer the blues over metal) that play all over the region, has a great group of friends that share his love of music, is preparing to start his Masters Degree, and understands the complexity of abstract thinking well enough to evaluate college literature and get As. He still struggles with intimate relationships, but that is something we can all relate too:-)
mypbandj
by Jen on Oct. 16, 2014 at 1:40 AM
You'll have to look this up. But see if you can disagree with the schools test and get and I dependent Eval instead. They do that for special Ed IEPs. Why not gifted IEPs??

Wrightaw is where I'd look.

That has to be frustrating! My kids are usually on the other end of the spectrum, just OVER the cut off by point to qualify for special Ed. Smh

As for dh issues. Been there done that. He's super hard on our son and always has been. I'd be lying if I said I didn't blame him for my sons depression.
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