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One of our worst nights!

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 8:43 PM
  • 7 Replies
I am completely done tonight. Our day started out really good. The kids were picking movies to watch. They were even playing nicely.

Then it was time for dinner. All h*** broke loose. Nick refused to eat. I asked several times. He ate a little bit, but then got up and started screaming. He refused to eat. I got tired of asking him to eat. So, I got up and went into the other room. That started it. He started throwing things, and hitting. Nothing was helping. So I sent my 6 yr old nephew in my room to watch tv. And locked him in so Nick couldn't get to him. Nick likes to go after everyone! He started to flip when I told my nephew to go upstairs. I went through him screaming, hitting, and then laughing. I hate when he gets like this. We did this for almost 2 hrs. He finally ate something. Then it was a pain to give a bath and get ready for bed. I feel like I fail him during nights like this.
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 8:43 PM
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Replies (1-7):
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Nov. 9, 2014 at 8:08 AM

Oh Nicole, I'm so sorry!!! :( 

what was the reason he didn't want to eat? Was he not hungry? I know it's hard, but can he have the opportunity to eat a but later on nights that he doesn't want to eat? (Like, when he starts to refuse say, ok... Let's try again in 30 minutes, maybe you'll be hungry then?) I know he has many issues around food and may with the whole feeing therapy they say don't do this... I'm just grasping at straws for you knowing that our kids can be so headstrong and emotionally dysregulated and there are only so many "fights" you can have and honestly, they do better when they are regulated... It's like the more dysregulated they get (the more often they blow up... The MORE often they blow up... It's like they forget how to NOT blow up! But the more time they spend regulated and calm, and flexible, the more it begets flexibility...) 

the thing I always think about food is that they ultimately control what goes in... And it's not a battle power struggle I want to get into... Cause no one wins.. And losing reinforces.. So I don't engage it. The rap knee becomes "let's try again later...then let him leave the table.. Go do something else... And after a few minutes, when he has "calmed down" when he isn't "spinning up" you get up, find him and say "How about in 15 minutes you take 2 bites? Maybe you'll be hungry then." (Setting a small expectation for him to meet) perhaps after those 2 bites he may register that he is hungry?? 

Honeslty, I'm JUST trying to help. I don't know how the theroay suggest you handle.. SAMs never gotten feeding therapy... Even though he needs it.. I just do small stretches and read to try to do therapy myself with him. 

wildchild.com
by Janine on Nov. 9, 2014 at 8:17 AM
I'm so sorry you had a bad night (((hugs)))
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Nov. 9, 2014 at 9:15 AM
Thanks! It really is us being a detective huh? I think it was several things last night. We are supposed to stay strong with his behaviors at the table. BUT, he has been doing so good with eating, that I've moved away from it a little.

He was hungry because he was in the kitchen asking to eat about 15 minutes before it was ready. I did allow him to walk away while I was eating. (It gave me time to eat without having that battle) they tell me not to do it but I have been because he has been eating. I think a lot is him thinking its a game. (Well, that's what I was thinking last night) I put my thinking cap on about it this morning. After the 2 hrs he calmed down a lot and I told him if he eats his jelly (pbj) that he could leave the green beans. He agreed and ate it. I was defeated by then.

I think a little of everything was playing a part. There is a lot going on here. He missed his behavior therapy last week because he was sick. And I tried to talk to him about all the changes. My mom is moving out. That means my 15 yr old niece gets her room and my nephew moves into my nieces room. I hope you got that! Nick just kept asking where he was going. I told him that his room and my room are staying the same. So, I think the anxiety was playing a part.

I appreciate all of you so much! I posted a comment on facebook. Which usually I don't do because most family don't understand. But I did last night. A woman that I met through my niece Girl Scouts responded. I wish I was good at socializing. Because I really do love her! She said, "hang in there, baby! It's not an easy path, but the next great moment is waiting just around the corner!" When I told everyone about Nick diagnosis, she sent me a private message and told me her son has Aspergers.

I started to rant. Sry about that.


Quoting SamMom912:

Oh Nicole, I'm so sorry!!! :( 

what was the reason he didn't want to eat? Was he not hungry? I know it's hard, but can he have the opportunity to eat a but later on nights that he doesn't want to eat? (Like, when he starts to refuse say, ok... Let's try again in 30 minutes, maybe you'll be hungry then?) I know he has many issues around food and may with the whole feeing therapy they say don't do this... I'm just grasping at straws for you knowing that our kids can be so headstrong and emotionally dysregulated and there are only so many "fights" you can have and honestly, they do better when they are regulated... It's like the more dysregulated they get (the more often they blow up... The MORE often they blow up... It's like they forget how to NOT blow up! But the more time they spend regulated and calm, and flexible, the more it begets flexibility...) 

the thing I always think about food is that they ultimately control what goes in... And it's not a battle power struggle I want to get into... Cause no one wins.. And losing reinforces.. So I don't engage it. The rap knee becomes "let's try again later...then let him leave the table.. Go do something else... And after a few minutes, when he has "calmed down" when he isn't "spinning up" you get up, find him and say "How about in 15 minutes you take 2 bites? Maybe you'll be hungry then." (Setting a small expectation for him to meet) perhaps after those 2 bites he may register that he is hungry?? 

Honeslty, I'm JUST trying to help. I don't know how the theroay suggest you handle.. SAMs never gotten feeding therapy... Even though he needs it.. I just do small stretches and read to try to do therapy myself with him. 

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Nov. 9, 2014 at 6:53 PM

I'm so sorry mama!  Brady has been a huge handful this weekend....I can see where you're coming from.

TheJerseyGirl
by on Nov. 9, 2014 at 7:08 PM

 Oh no Nicole! That definitely qualifies as a bad night. You did not fail him! If any of us knew how to avoid things like this, we would. And I don't think there's one of us in here who would not have had a meltdown ourselves after that kind of night.

Hope today has been better!

me2autism
by on Nov. 9, 2014 at 9:13 PM
I hope you had a better day today....sometimes when the behavior starts around food let it go at once...then when all is calm if it gets calm revisit...
My dd is 7yo and it has been a battle for the past 7 yrs with feeding therapist,et al....
tiffacollins
by Member on Nov. 9, 2014 at 9:30 PM
My two year old doesn't like to eat most of the time he is 26 pounds and about to turn three. I wish I could eat the food for him. It so hard to worry about it when the screaming and meltdowns start. Hugs and I hope it gets easier for u.
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