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My DH wants a BABY

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:11 PM
  • 15 Replies

Let me give you some history.... I am 41 so is DH. 

Our boys are truly the light of my life. I would not trade them for anything. 

They are 8 and nearly 7yo. They are 14m apart. 

Working at it everyday it took us 2 years to potty train. My boys would finally use silverware last year. My youngest finally started sleeping through the night at 5.5yo. Our youngest can not be alone ot left alone for any amount of time. He takes a lot of my time (sorry if that sounds bad.) I don't mind it at all I love him to peices. But it is true. He is nearly 7yo and does VERY little self care. He doesn't dress himself, brush his teeth or haur bathe himself nothing like that. 

I personally have medical issues. Nothing serious but it does take it's toll. 

My DH yold me last week a few times that he wants to adopt.  Like soon in the next year or so. I suggested fostrering and adopting an older child. That is not what he wants. He wants a baby. Period.

I feel terrible for not being on board with this. I feel really bad. But, I do not want to start over. PERIOD. 

by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 11:14 PM

Hugs, mama!!!  I hope you can agree on a decision.

by Darby on Dec. 5, 2014 at 6:13 AM

I can see where you're coming from.  Hugs!!!

by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 7:51 AM

Wow, that's a LOT.... Ugh, HUG.. Tough one. I'd wonder if you could talk to other foster/adoptive parents. I'd wonder if a toddler age would be ok. I'd wonder if that child had NO issues (physical/mental-- baggage cause well, they're foster/adoptive.. And who wouldn't have baggage.... Typical fear/insecurity?) would make a difference for you. I know no kid is easy... But I'm amazed at how (flexible, calm, easy going, other kids can be!) they "seem" easy... 

i think my fear would be all the work That was necessary for the biological kids...and even the expended energy for the new (baby/toddler). 

I think if you're hubby isn't going to be flexible about age, then that isn't fair to you... And who is the main caretaker? I realize it impacts both your lives, BUT.... If it's you, I'd want to make sure that this was something ok.

i think if you foster a child, how do you NOT fall in love???? I've always wondered that... I mean, it's a child! :) with no home and no one to love them... How could anyone look into the eyes if a child like that and not melt.... And the minute they rely on you, and you're their world, how do you not love them??? 

Hugs... I think if you pray and think on this, you'll be led to an answer. BIG hug

by Carissa on Dec. 5, 2014 at 9:08 AM

That is a very tough decision to make..big hugs! 

by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 9:21 AM
Hugs, can you offer him getting a puppy instead. I understand your point of view and his too. Do you guys have siblings who haven't kids yet? Any friends who can give him access to play with a baby?

We are somewhat younger, but dh wants to try for a girl. I have two boys 15 months apart, 8 & 7, one ASD and the other ADHD. Dh is adhd, it's a lot.
by Amanda on Dec. 5, 2014 at 10:30 AM


by Silver Member on Dec. 6, 2014 at 10:23 PM

I feel terrible. I feel so lucky to have a DH who is so willing to adopt. But man oh man I do not have the energy or personal strength to start over!

by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2014 at 11:46 PM
He is aware how hard it is to adopt a baby these days, right? And how expensive it is? I think his wanting a baby may be about as realistic as my husband's desire for a Mercedes convertible.
by Jen on Dec. 7, 2014 at 12:04 AM
Will he be willing to watch and take care of the majority of the baby and his needs?
This decision needs to be mutual IMO.
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by Kari on Dec. 7, 2014 at 6:49 AM

Who does the lion's share of the child care? I get wanting another baby, I want another baby and I am 50 BUT I have the sense to know it isn't appropriate for our family. What is he thinking? Does he know what your life is like? Have him take care of your two kids for 48 hours, go away for the weekend and then see if he feels the same :) I think you should be frank about how you feel. Both people should want another child not just one.  Good luck, stand your ground. xo

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