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How do you???

Posted by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:48 PM
  • 26 Replies

How do you deal with or handle when your so has an outburst? lately my SO has been having a bunch of them, and it almost feels like they are towards me, and mostly its because I have been questioning his driving, or like this morning he yelled at our cat because she jumped off of a shelf and slightly pushed one of his records when she jumped. I feel like I am the one to blame, yet I know that it is not my fault, part of me tells me that he can not take critisim or anything like that.... what do I do?? I am literally in tears because of it all!!

Mei

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by on Dec. 12, 2014 at 1:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 3:59 PM

Well, I'd wonder if he were under some additional stress at work or something that was making him more touchy or sensitive then he typically is. I might ask.  Mig talk to him during a calm, down time about your concerns. I do think that correction and direction are difficult for most Aspies to take, but my son is 8, and it is something we work on.. But. I'm thinking if no one ever worked on these skills with him, perhaps they are not as developed as one may hope. 

My husband, and my sons father is Not on the spectrum, neither am I, just our 8 year old that we have been working with since he was diagnosed at 3.5/4 years old. 

Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:07 PM

Not sure.  My kids are six, so haven't dealt with adult concerns yet.  Good luck.

Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 12, 2014 at 11:34 PM

I hope one of the moms with older kids or who are on the spectrum here can offer you some advice.  Hugs!

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2014 at 12:09 AM

Your SO? As in significant other, rather than as in a child? Just want to be sure I'm clear.

I enlist the help of our family doctor. Did it last week, in fact, because my husband seemed to be going off the rails with mood swings. My son was saying a conversation with him was like walking through a mine field!

So I emailed the doc and then talked with him on the phone, and he changed DH's meds. He'd been on a cocktail of pain meds due to a motorcycle accident, plus an antidepressant and a sleep med. The doc changed the antidepressant and the meds for his pain management and within a couple of days, he's a different person.

mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 13, 2014 at 12:21 AM
You mean your significant other, right? That's how I read it.

When my dh is a jerk I tell him. I'm horrible. I cannot keep it in. When he acts like that I tell him. I've even taped him and played it back so he could see just what he looks like.

Sometimes I think he purposely is trying to bait me into a fight and I won't do it. I'll leave. Go to my room or really drive somewhere. I tell him I won't talk to him when he's acting like a jerk.

Why do you think it's your fault?
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AMRORAS2013
by on Dec. 13, 2014 at 11:53 AM

yes, i meant my significant other, the reason that I always seem to think that his anger outbursts are my fault is that he always does it after I point out that he has done something wrong.... and even though I know that he is not trying to be abusive, and its just his Aspergers, the fact that I have a big history of being in abusive relationships does not help me any. 

Quoting mypbandj: You mean your significant other, right? That's how I read it. When my dh is a jerk I tell him. I'm horrible. I cannot keep it in. When he acts like that I tell him. I've even taped him and played it back so he could see just what he looks like. Sometimes I think he purposely is trying to bait me into a fight and I won't do it. I'll leave. Go to my room or really drive somewhere. I tell him I won't talk to him when he's acting like a jerk. Why do you think it's your fault?


Mei

fingers crossedttcjigsaw ribbongay pride ribbon

AMRORAS2013
by on Dec. 13, 2014 at 11:57 AM

yes my significant other, and he used to be on medications, before I met him, but he wont take them now, as they made him feel like a zombie, there are times that I want to call his social worker, but im scared that he will get upset if I do that to tell her what is going on, we have talked about him going to coundeling, he has never brought it up to his worker, even when I agreed to go with him.... I am so new to this, and he has never been this bad before, I just do not know what to do, or say

Quoting gdiamante:

Your SO? As in significant other, rather than as in a child? Just want to be sure I'm clear.

I enlist the help of our family doctor. Did it last week, in fact, because my husband seemed to be going off the rails with mood swings. My son was saying a conversation with him was like walking through a mine field!

So I emailed the doc and then talked with him on the phone, and he changed DH's meds. He'd been on a cocktail of pain meds due to a motorcycle accident, plus an antidepressant and a sleep med. The doc changed the antidepressant and the meds for his pain management and within a couple of days, he's a different person.


Mei

fingers crossedttcjigsaw ribbongay pride ribbon

AMRORAS2013
by on Dec. 13, 2014 at 11:59 AM

he does not work, and I have not noticed anything different going on, we live with eachother 24/7, and we are both on disability, so we are both home all day long, or out with eachother, im thinking about figuring out how to talk to atleast his mom tomorrow, although I do not know how

Quoting SamMom912:

Well, I'd wonder if he were under some additional stress at work or something that was making him more touchy or sensitive then he typically is. I might ask.  Mig talk to him during a calm, down time about your concerns. I do think that correction and direction are difficult for most Aspies to take, but my son is 8, and it is something we work on.. But. I'm thinking if no one ever worked on these skills with him, perhaps they are not as developed as one may hope. 

My husband, and my sons father is Not on the spectrum, neither am I, just our 8 year old that we have been working with since he was diagnosed at 3.5/4 years old. 


Mei

fingers crossedttcjigsaw ribbongay pride ribbon

emarin77
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2014 at 12:14 PM

Acknowledge how he feels.  I would be mad too if a cat scattered my records.  Try to focus more on the positives with your husband.  Let him know when he does a good job at something and it is normal to make mistakes because everyone makes mistakes, we just learn from them.  I discurss this with my son who is only six. 

Precious333
by on Dec. 13, 2014 at 12:23 PM
He should talk to my dh lol. My d gets frustrated very easily aND whenjoy he finds himself in that downward spiral he goes outside to cool down.
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