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Is it a definite your ASD child will always live with you?

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 8:40 AM
  • 46 Replies

 Or is there hope? Maybe in my case, I don't give D enough credit. I don;t give my oldest son enough credit either, but he actually never wants to leave! But the older D gets, the more I worry, the more I see the obvious signs of ASD, and the more I know him being on his own is next to impossible.

He's only 13 and the stress and worrying is getting to me. I've been stressing about high school too. I just want my baby back. I wish I could have made him 2 forever   =(

Do you think your child will always have to live with you?


by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 8:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lady-J-Rock
by Niki on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:48 AM

I am not sure at this point he's only 3, but then I think about my two sil's and bil that are in their mid twenties eary thirties and still living at home. They have no desire to move out.

jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:10 AM
It's difficult to imagine my daughter living on her own. She's only 8, but at this point we are working under the assumption that she will always need assisted living of some sort. We will probably begin working to transition her to her own place maybe mid-20s? We'll be about 60 then...it's a long way off, but it's definitely something we think about.
JTMOM422
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:36 AM
Like you the older Jonathan gets the more ASD stands out. He will probably always live with us. I don't know if i trust other people to take care of him
kajira
by Emma on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:40 AM

I hope my oldest doesn'ta lways have to live with us, but it's certainly a possibility.

dawncs
by Dawn on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:41 AM
3 moms liked this

I have lived on my own for more than a decade. I am good about paying my bills and living on a budget even with a food allergy to take into consideration.

Dawn
Asperger Syndrome Published Author
Asperger Syndrome diagnosed May 1997 as an adult
Inherited genetic Metabolic Syndrome diagnosed August 2014 (maternal side)
My Author Page

kajira
by Emma on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:42 AM
5 moms liked this

My family felt that way about me, but with the right spouse, and support and life experience, I was able to live on my own, I never lived on my own solo even once I had married my husband until last year, after years of stability with him, when he was gone for 6 months, I managed to take care of an entire household, pets, kids, bills, moving, remodeling a house, while pregnant with twins.

Not one person in my life as a kid thought i'd be capable of that, but my husband knew me and had faith in me.

I was diagnosed with classic autism, on the ADOS score, if there's a max of 20 points, and PPDNOS and Aspergers were 7-9 for the cutt off, with classic autism being 10-20, I score an 18 on it.

Don't think she's not capable at age 8, you have no idea where she will be at age 20, or 30.

Quoting jennymoon4: It's difficult to imagine my daughter living on her own. She's only 8, but at this point we are working under the assumption that she will always need assisted living of some sort. We will probably begin working to transition her to her own place maybe mid-20s? We'll be about 60 then...it's a long way off, but it's definitely something we think about.


ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

That's a very difficult question to answer. Because it's more complicated than the initial complexity of will she need to live with us or not. 

My husband feels a child grows up and moves out ... period. No exceptions. And I do feel Cheyanne will need some sort of assistance the rest of her life, so when that time comes, we'll look at an assisted living situation. BUT if my husband can't handle the way things are and he wants her institutionalized before she's grown, I'll probably have to leave him. And what happens after that would be completely unknown as I HOPE and PRAY I don't end up down that road.

jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this
Totally agree! I am still hopeful for her. As I am the ONLY person in her life that sees independent living as a possibility for her, I've faced that we should have a back-up plan in place. I definitely have not written her off at all. My child, although very autistic & nearly nonverbal, is extremely capable.

My cousin has CP & a big social/emotional delay. His family set him up in his own apartment mid-20s. It is a complex for eldery & disabled & the residents look out for one another. It's what I have in mind IF things don't develop for my daughter.

Thank you for your story. On the rough days/times with my daughter, when nobody else believes in her, your story helps me continue to believe in her.

Quoting kajira:

My family felt that way about me, but with the right spouse, and support and life experience, I was able to live on my own, I never lived on my own solo even once I had married my husband until last year, after years of stability with him, when he was gone for 6 months, I managed to take care of an entire household, pets, kids, bills, moving, remodeling a house, while pregnant with twins.

Not one person in my life as a kid thought i'd be capable of that, but my husband knew me and had faith in me.

I was diagnosed with classic autism, on the ADOS score, if there's a max of 20 points, and PPDNOS and Aspergers were 7-9 for the cutt off, with classic autism being 10-20, I score an 18 on it.

Don't think she's not capable at age 8, you have no idea where she will be at age 20, or 30.

Quoting jennymoon4: It's difficult to imagine my daughter living on her own. She's only 8, but at this point we are working under the assumption that she will always need assisted living of some sort. We will probably begin working to transition her to her own place maybe mid-20s? We'll be about 60 then...it's a long way off, but it's definitely something we think about.

Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I honestly don't know..I have already thought about making our downstairs (a huge basement) an apartment for him..I could definitely see that.. Honestly I just don't know what the future holds, it's scary to think about sometimes...

MamaLauri
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this

It is not too early for a formal transition plan. Most states require it by 14, but encourage earlier.

Implementing ongoing transition plans for the IEP : a student-driven approach to IDEA mandates by Pat McPartland is a comprehensive book that opens your eyes to the huge number of things we need to learn to live independently.

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