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Don't know .... just a rant I guess

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:49 AM
  • 4 Replies

Yesterday was my birthday okay. And after the meltdown from going to a coffee shop, I told my husband I did NOT want to go out to eat. I'm sorry, but trying to entertain and appease my child and never getting to actually eat did not sound like fun.

So I cooked dinner. And our daughter was pretty okay while I did so, she didn't need too much. Dh was even on the phone for a while but after he got off she wanted to play with him. He jumped her and when dinner was ready, we ate. My child actually sat at the table with us for a few minutes eating rice, I was estatic! But the moment she was done, she tried to grab dh's hand and pull him away for something. He refused and she threw herself on the ground, screaming. I left her a few minutes to make a point she can't automatically react that way to get what she wants. Then I sat beside her and offered her a drink. It took a couple more minutes, then she calmed down and drank her drink ..... kinda makes me wonder if that's what she wanted to begin with and my husband wouldn't get up just to at least see what she wanted, grrrrr.

Then she wanted to jump some more ..... after a few minutes, I traded with dh to give him a break and I tried to get dd to do a puzzle with me ... focus on something else. She got distracted after just a couple of minutes and went to dh again. And he jumped her again (it frustrates me incredibly that he gets upset that all she wants to do is jump with him but he REFUSES to try to initiate another activity with her ...... he wants her to do that and ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN) 

I was looking at the computer for a minute when dh snapped. He shut every light in the house off and shut the laptop lid on me. And then sat in the corner. While this pissed me off to all holy hell, I didn't say or do anything for a minute. I gauged my daughter's reaction ...... she likes the dark so this didn't scare her or really even bother her. But it did confuse her and after just a couple of minutes I took her hand and said let's play in her room. And so I turned the light on in her room and we played in there.

This is the second time he's done this in the past 2 weeks. I look at all sides of it and see that well, it's good that he doesn't snap and scream at her or try and spank her. But its also incredibly sad that he tries to disappear. The first time he did it he hid in a corner so she couldn't find him!! 

Things were tense the rest of the night, then when I put dd to bed, dh wanted to cuddle and love on me in bed! He's constantly saying, IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER, that he misses me and he doesn't ever get mommy anymore and blah blah blah BLAH. 

I'm trying to find a babysitter so we can have date nights because I get it. He needs freaking ME time. My family needs ME. It doesn't matter what I need I guess ...... all I need is more ME to go around. I just don't understand how someone who claims to love me and NEED me so much couldn't even wish me a freaking happy birthday (he never said those words yesterday). 

by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-4):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Dec. 31, 2014 at 2:24 PM

 Big hugs mama!!!

lady_katie
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 2:47 PM
Sorry you had a rough day :( Happy birthday though!! It sounds like you and your husband both need respite care, do you have any options for that? Things got so bad in our house that we paid out of pocket for it (not that we could afford it, it really screwed up our finances), but it made a HUGE difference and things got a lot better after that.

I turned 30 this year and decided that despite being 9 months pregnant and my son not being able to sit in a restaurant, that we were going out to eat. BIG. EXPENSIVE. MISTAKE. At least you didn't make that mistake like I did!!
ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Dec. 31, 2014 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this
There's a couple of places that will give free respite on a Friday night for 2 to 3 hours. You have to apply each month because there's a waiting list. That's why I'm going to pay for care.com in January .... We can't keep going like this. Hopefully I find a good person fast.

Sorry going out didn't work out for you .... I was in no mood to even attempt it last night.
Quoting lady_katie: Sorry you had a rough day :( Happy birthday though!! It sounds like you and your husband both need respite care, do you have any options for that? Things got so bad in our house that we paid out of pocket for it (not that we could afford it, it really screwed up our finances), but it made a HUGE difference and things got a lot better after that.

I turned 30 this year and decided that despite being 9 months pregnant and my son not being able to sit in a restaurant, that we were going out to eat. BIG. EXPENSIVE. MISTAKE. At least you didn't make that mistake like I did!!
mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 31, 2014 at 7:35 PM
Oh man. I'm so sorry. That sounds so frustrating! It sounds like your husband needs more tricks up his sleeve (with how to play with her and how to handle her). Cause hiding from her is pretty immature.
Maybe you guys can talk about some new stratigies to try with her during a time when you aren't in the middle of it. A neutral time. And maybe, if you approach it in a way that you two are trying to brainstorm new ideas as a team (even if they aren't new to you; just pretend), then maybe he'd be receptive and willing to try.
Idk if that would work. It's just an idea.
Hugs!! You must be so frustrated.
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