Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Some days, there's just more to give... Misery loves company..vent away...

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:33 AM
  • 15 Replies

I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. 

I'm in need of some rest and relaxation... I'm in need of some time alone, or time with hubby. It is ALOT being with Sam all the time... His school attendance is only 2 hours a day. By the time I bring him there, get home walk the dog, and maybe unload the dishwasher, it's time to go pick him up. Don't misunderstand, I'm grateful for the 2 hours... But, UGH!!! I feel such pressure and isolation.... And we have no idea about the school situation and how or when this is going to change.... 

Hubby had to work most of the weekend and he had a party late Friday night. Sunday, when SAMs friend was here he barricaded himself in the office and worked.. Coming out for lunch and to help we wrangle Ben to his parents for pick up around 3. I didn't get 1 minute alone out of our house...

Hubby and I did get 2 hours to go to brunch (Sam was at Bens house 9 days ago..). But that's it... Before that, we had a sitter the Sunday before New Years for a few hours on a Sunday afternoon...

Honestly, I'm tired... There is no end in sight, I DISLIKE despise and am EXTREMELY jealous of my friends (and I don't have many) because even though their kids go to school for 7/8 hours a DAY, their parents come over and give them a break.. Or they drop the kids off to get a break.."oh, we are dropping the kids off and meeting friends for dinner.. You should join us!!!" "Ummm, we can't! Nomparents or help here!" . I even have friends who managed to arrange to go to Japan for 9 days.. And another friend who bitches about how her parents WONT watch her kids for more then 4 days.. So her In LAWS have to come up and watch the kids for the other 3 so her and hubby can go away... (Hard to listen to that one!!!!) 

I find myself not wanting to call anyone cause I don't understand their struggles (can't get grace to dance and billy to baseball at the same time... ) and to me it all seems to perfect... And when I chat with them about my struggles they are like "make a reward chat" or just bribe him... Ummm, I've tried that!!! It doesn't work here!!!" YES,  I'm Consistent...." Grrrrrrrr 

And we are so far from there... So far.... My aunt offered to watch  Sam for our next visit to a therapeutic school... Wow! She also hung with him December 5th so I could go to a 40 min parent teacher conference... The time before that was spring, where she really rallied and brought me to the dentist (I Was not allowed to drive myself (extraction and implant)... Then she was nice enough to drive me to school so I could wait and pick up Sam.. (Yep, waiting in the lobby for Sam at school with an ice pack on my face,, blood splotches on my cheeks after recently having a tooth ripped out of my jaw and having a piece of titanium put in... ) 

this is NOT help??? I mean it is... But It's NOT fair and it's NOT enough... And it's SO hard.. And I'm just feeling like today, I can't do this... And I know my SIL has her own kids who are grown (college, HS) and it's not her job to help (she is also 1.5 hours away) or my. Dad who is 13 hours away... And it's not my FILs (who is a 4 hour plane ride) I know it's not their job to help me... It MY. Job to raise Sam... But, somedays..... It's too much.. And. I feel so alone doing it. 

No one called to ask about the school visit Friday, I called 2 friends (BFF and another friend) M y dad texted me Saturday. how was school? I replied meh, some issues.. He replied.. "Ok, grilling steak ttyt" 


Thanks for letting me event ladies... 

I know. I'm not alone... I know this path is hard for all of you too.... Please feel free to vent away... My misery would love company,,,, :) 

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:33 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 8:36 AM

Thanks for letting me vent,,, not event,,. Made me giggle,,, lol

by Nicole on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:46 AM
1 mom liked this
So Sry you feel like your alone! Sometimes I wish there was someone that lived close to me that has the struggles that I do so that we could help each other. I can't depend on anyone either. Atleast I have started to show DH how much I'm struggling. I will tell him I've had enough and go to my room for an hour or so. It has helped.

Big hugs!!! You vent away. You are dealing with so much right now. I am praying that you find somewhere for Sam soon, so that you can get some alone time.

I am really starting to feel the exhaustion of only getting about 4-5 hrs of sleep. I have to figure out how to get my stuff done with Nick awake. He only wants to sleep for 6-8 hrs now. It used to be around 10-12. I can tell he is tired too. But he just can't settle down. By the time he goes to sleep and I get my stuff done I only get around 5 hrs of sleep. I think I'm canceling my nephews therapy appointment today to get some rest. (I'm at nicks behavior therapy right now.)
by Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:56 AM
1 mom liked this
Yea it sucks I feel you. I'm not sure the last time I had a moment alone. I'm either at work which is pretty soul crushing or with my kids. Me and my dh are going through a seperation and he is 5 hrs away and my dad just recently passed so I have no one to take the kids even for a little bit. Oh the joys of parenthood :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Carissa on Jan. 20, 2015 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs, my friend! Move here.. I will be your friend and we can vent to each other and watch each others kids and Sam can go to school with Ashton (there is still a spot in the new class he will be in next year).. Um, yeah.. If only you could move here ;) 

by Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 12:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I know I have felt completely alone over the past 6 months.  Nobody truly understand what you are going through until they walk the same path.  I must say not having Brice has made things easier but then I get a phone call from his guardian who is completely exhausted asking how do you do this day in and day out.  Finally I have somebody who understands.  I have been told that I am unfit to care for him (and I'm not), that it can't be that hard (it is), and that i have completely given up on my child (I haven't).  The reality is this is my child and I'm trying to give him the best life possible (even if it is not with me).  it is exhausting, time consuming, and there is little time for anyone else.  I work full time which just adds to the stress.  I often wonder if I had the opportunity to stay home if he would be with  me.  I do feel like I failed him 100 percent!

by Platinum Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 2:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sure it is an adjustment for you with him only in school now for two hours a day.  I can relate as with our new ABA therapy in the house, I never don't have a child at home.  I am always responsible for someone, running to transport someone else, etc.  When I do call in a grandparent for help, it is probably because I am over booked and need an additional adult to get someone somewhere, but not for the fun of time away.  So I get it, I'm always with the kids.  And most days I don't even get to sit down until after bed time.  But it is what it is.

i do get to the point where I need some quiet or break within the crazy.  On weekends or days off school, I split the kids up for 1-2 hours after lunch to play by themselves in their rooms.  They can nap, read, play, etc but stay in for an hour or so.  Then I can do chores in peace or sit and eat lunch, watch a show, ipad, something.  Yesterday was the end of a busy weekend full of work, so we had a movie day, and instead of doing chores while the kids watched, I sat with them and did nothing.  Then when they had quiet time I watched a show of my own, read a magazine, and emailed friends.  No, I didn't break out, but said enough was enough for the day and did not care if we got too much tv time that day.  I can't remember my last day off, so I'm sure I was due! Find something you can do in the couple hours break.  No, you can't golf, but get a great cup of coffee at a little shop and read, breakfast somewhere yummy, hit a store for a new little something, etc but don't do chores.  You can empty that dishwasher when Sam is home later.  Then get him to at some point in the day spend an hour or so alone or doing something quiet where you can too.  It won't be big blocks of time, but may refuel you somewhere until he gets back into school full time.  Hopefully that placement will be figured out soon!

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 4:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Same here in many ways. My parents live far away, my sister is 1.5 hrs away, and my in laws are relatively close, but in their late 80s. Realistically, they cannot watch him now.

My son has separation anxiety, and it's not easy to find sitters he is comfortable staying with, but I am finding he does well with a very responsible older teen or college student, especially guys. I wouldn't leave him with them for more than a few hours, but it's something, I had a teacher's assistant from a school for kids with special needs at one point too. She was great, but we have less anxiety with the guys (who I pick carefully, usually they are referred by neighbors). They play video games or sports with him, it's a big play date with an older kid in a way.
But I would love to be alone one night with my husband. Not even a trip, one night. So I understand how you feel.
by Niki on Jan. 20, 2015 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I get it. Xavier only goes to school for two hours. in the afternoon. Today Hannah missed the bus, couldn't find her socks couldn't find a shoe. She's 12. I had to drag Lily out to the bus again. She couldn't find her shoes and had to wear boots. I couldn't find her shoes so I had to drop off oldest at school run to the store to buy Lily shoes. Drop them off at school. Get home make breakfast for xavier and Derek because he's home sick today. Give Xavier a bath get him dressed and on the bus. He didn't want to get on the bus by himself. So I carried him on the bus. Go back inside start laundry and load dishwasher. Get medicine for Derek. Go pick Lily up from school for her appointment this afternoon. The doctor had to go over the evaluation  from the school and sent out the referral. Got home just in time to get Xavier off the bus. Took all three kids to the pharmacy to drop off prescription.

I can say I do have a few friends who really get it because they have kids on the spectrum as well.They enjoy going to the Y childcare and our local parent resource center.They both do night out. My parents take the kids overnight once a year.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this

aww mama I'm sorry to hear your feeling that bottled up! I would love to jump through this computer and just squeeze you! (and maybe bring along a drink or two hehe). Does Sam qualify for any type of respite services through the local mental health agency? You need that break for your own mental health! I cant imagine not getting the breaks I get, I really feel for you :(  Tell those friends of yours if they want you to go out they can come watch sam hehe...

Here's to tomorrow being better! hugs!

by Darby on Jan. 21, 2015 at 5:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Big hugs!!!!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)