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Violent Behavior

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:16 PM
  • 13 Replies

When did you first start noticing your ASD child showing tendencies towards violent behavior? Gavin is three and will smack us at times or throw his toys. Sometimes I'm not sure if that's the autism or just typical 3 year old behavior. I know DD (NT) would have little moments at that age as well. I'm just curious. 

by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:16 PM
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by Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 5:29 PM

My son did not start showing violent tendencies until age 13.  I attributed it to puberty.  My guess it is more of a lack of communication than your son being violent.  ASD children have to be taught what is approciate and what is not.  My suggestion is that you work with him and teach him throwing toys is not acceptable.  Are you working with a therapist?  If so my suggestion would be to talk through what you are seeing and if they have some suggestions for you.

by Carissa on Jan. 31, 2015 at 8:59 PM

My son showed no aggression or violence until he was dx and started therapies..I guess the demands got to much. At first it wasnt bad but then he started kindergarten and had a real bad year and we saw more aggression so we made some much needed changes and he also started on meds and now we have very little aggression. 

by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:54 PM
They have slowly crept up over the years. Anna always has shown sensory problems which led to her being more aggressive because she didn't get how it hurt others but their reactions felt good to her.Micahs sensory avoidance has grown stronger. The maturity age gap bbtwn his peers is growing and the aggression has grown exponentially of those things.
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 8:36 AM
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So I always try to remember that he is simply showing his displeasure at the situation... He hits or throws, just as you would hit or throw... Think of times where your frustration has been so high that you just want to throw something, or kick something,,,, it's just human... Is it extreme... Yes.. But our kiddos have trouble regulating their emotions and reactions... I've read many articles and kids with add, ADHD, ASD FEEL things more then neurotypical.. So he actually is feeling that way... Teaching our children the perspective that their frustration IS out of whack.. (Too much) is hard... How do you teach perspective? How do you teach them NOT to be SOOOO frustratrated? How do you teach them tolerance for things not going their way... 

As far as the hitting, and throwing... I think you can try different things... When he hits, say NO hit.. And suggest a different way to express frustration. (Your choice- yell, growl, tense muscles and then release- like balling your fists and shaking for a few seconds, then release)... But time outs will teach him the reaction isn't good... (Which is good... ) BUT it doesn't give him a replacement... And anger and frustration are just simply human. 

try to express your compassion.. "Oooh, I see your frustrated"... (Giving the feeling an identity) try to remain calm and speak calm quiet... Passing on your calm quiet... You can let him know he may "break the toy" (when he throws) and then he won't have the toy anymore... 

He is little... The throwing may simply be him trying to understand the world / (why kids drop stuff off their high hair... Ooooh, it falls.. Makes loud noise, cool!!! Lol... 

Hugs mom.. Remember, our kids don't learn in typical ways... Don't add to his frustration by taking the toy away (unless it will break and he will get hurt) don't send him into rages... He won't learn when he is MORE upset... Those are times their little brains shut down (like a closed net) and all learning is over... Wait for the calm.. Or try to keep,it.. So these can be learning experiences.. 

by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 8:38 AM

I had an idea to help him build the frustration tolerance... 

When he throws a toy.. You can hold it for 10-15 seconds.. Counting... (Maybe teaching him to count to calm...) (as long as he is calm, this is good...) you can have it back in 10 seconds... Let's count... 1,2,3..... Ok good, we are calm now.. Here is toy back... Good job!!!! :) increasing his tolerance, counting for calm..rewarding with toy back. :) 

by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 10:27 AM
DS is 4, but has hit his head on things since he was 1. When he's upset/frustrated, it's more aggressive. At 3, he started getting aggressive towards DH and I when he gets frustrated (hitting, kicking, pulling hair, throwing things, etc.) We attribute his frustration most of the time to communication and sensory issues. We've worked and are still working on trying to redirect him and show him better ways to react and communicate when he's upset. I wish I could say typical vs atypical behavior, but this has been the norm in our house.
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 10:40 AM

At 18 months, increasing towards two yrs old. But we make it clear any violence toward living things is not to be tolerated. Thrown toys are removed. Stressful situations are carefully monitored to minimize escalation.

His behavior is to get him want he wants or away from what he does not. He learns what works for him under what situations. Guide him in other behaviors that are more effective for him and acceptable for you.

by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 6:05 PM

In my son's case it was part of ADHD but he didn't have enough symptoms of ADHD to have that at age 3.  He was diagnosed with mild Autism.  My husband and I just put him in a time out when he hit us and taught him to say I'm angry, we do not hit.  After a month and half our son started using his words.  Now at 6.5 years he uses his words 99% of the time.

by Darby on Feb. 1, 2015 at 8:22 PM
Bradys aggression is more from being a toddler in that mentality. He will outgrow it. Hugs!!!
by Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 9:16 PM

thanks for the responses and advice ladies. 

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