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Restaurants vs. Take out

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 5:16 PM
  • 13 Replies

The worst days are in restaurants, I want to go out but sometimes with the hassle of other peoples attitudes, stares, whispers, unwanted parenting advice, I sometimes  think would it be easier to order in from a restaurant instead. But I keep trying. The one day I was sitting with my son inside the wall of a booth. He kept jumping up and down grabbing his chicken, putting it on the window sill, eating some throwing some on the table. Me scooping it back up. My son is non verbal and has the age level of a 1 year old even though he is 7. Behind us in the next booth a man started complaining that he didn't come in to get chicken thrown on him to the waitress who was apologizing profusely for my son who had thrown the chicken while he was standing up in the seat up and down. I was all that time trying to keep him seated but had no idea that chicken had gotten behind us from my sitting angle. I tried to explain to the man my situation and he said OH your one of those BRATTY autism parents who let your kids get away with murder!  People sat in the restaurant staring no one said a word except one woman in tears who witnessed me trying to keep my son seated. I explained my sons developmental level to the man, I said he doesn't know what he's doing. He said BULLSH#T and then said to me wELL IF Thats the case you DO KNOW BETTER! You GET CONTROL OVER YOUR CHILD! YOU AUTISTIC PARENTS  Are ALL THE SAME AND i'm sick of it. Bad parenting is what I call it!  I said well let me see whats happening and I was making my son sit down. I looked in this SEAT TO find not a handful of chicken but two small one inch pieces. The waitress said Mamn if you would have just done the right thing and let us know we could have secured a better location for your son to sit? (segrating him to the back) But Here's my question to mothers of austistics? Do you think we should stay at home?  go out? or warn patrons ahead of time and the staff.  What do you think about going out? What Preps would  you make?

by on Feb. 4, 2015 at 5:16 PM
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by Brittaney on Feb. 4, 2015 at 6:40 PM
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Well, first I would have slapped that man. And if he tried to press charges, I'd have pressed charges right back for verbal abuse.

I very rarely go out to eat with my daughter because most of the time I don't have to energy to try and manage her and I never get a single bite to eat working with her the whole time. So it's not enjoyable ..... at all. But you should not stay home just so other people aren't inconvienced by your child! If he wanted a real nice quiet meal, he should have gone to a restaurant catered towards adults only. There are places out there that are romantic type settings, not family friendly at all. I would never take a child to a place like this and so people do have the option to go to a restaurant where they won't be bothered by children ... special needs or not. We were once walking into a restaurant and I mentioned the patio looked nice. There was a couple sitting out there and I saw them roll their eyes because they saw I had a child with me. They had no idea what my child was like, what her needs or issues were .... they were annoyed at the fact that she was simply a child.

I might tell the waitstaff my daughter had autism if we went in a crowded or noisy place so that maybe they could find us the calmest area of the restaurant, but I wouldn't tell them so they could hide us from other customers ...... although my daughter would enjoy that, lol.

You just keep going to restaurants and keep trying. And just believe in a world of checks and balances ..... there will come a time in that man's life when he really regrets saying those words to you.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 9:31 PM
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Oh momma I am so sorry you were treated like that!!! That man should be tarred and feathered! I don't like him one bit!! Where is his compassion and understanding. I so dislike people who don't realize disabilities can be more the physical??! I mean, would he have been angry at a man in a wheelchair at the bottom of the Stairs?!?

so, that being said, try not to think of the back as segregation... I think you should look at it as a quieter, more managable,e environment for your son. I don't want you to stay home, but that experience can NOT reoccur!! it's not who you time, it was no relaxing, and a waste of money too boot!! 

Whats wrong with saying your son is on the spectrum, has some sensory sensitives and a smaller, quieter area would be better for your family? Why not meet his needs and yours? It's about your both getting what you need.. You need a night out.. And busy chaotic smelly noisy areas are not good fits for our kiddos... 

I make sure I bring things for entertainment after the meal is over. We rarely order apps or dessert.. (So we are quicker...) I bring headphones for my son, so he can get into his show or game on the iPad.. I bring books and crayons... Sometimes we chose a place where the outside has a place where we can walk around with my son... A nearby place to my sons psychologist is called The Clocktower - and we stop there in nice weather for dinner.. Outside the restaurant is a courtyard and a Clocktower that my son loves to run up the stairs... So, at that plac we take turns running around outside (there we typically get apps...) he loves it :) 

by Silver Member on Feb. 4, 2015 at 10:28 PM
That is terrible. It's hard to imagine how people can be so judgemental, so heartless.

I don't think we should everrr stay home because of other people. It is so hard for me not to worry what others think, but I can't let it keep me out of the world.

However there are many times that I am too stressed or the kids are having a tough time that I do choose to take out, or even go without milk another day because the store would not have been a happy place for anyone. Lol.

But we deserve to have fun out in the community, and our kids definitely need to experiences. Stupid ignorant people will just have to get over it.
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 12:28 AM
1 mom liked this

No, I don't think you should stay home. Yes, talking to the staff when you get there is a good idea.

We have a diner that we like to go to, and everyone there knows us well. They know exactly what my son likes and doesn't like. While he's high functioning, he does have his quirks about food. Since he virtually grew up in this diner, no one ever bats an eye.

There are some other restaurants in our town that also go out of their way to assist autistic families. It helps that one of our city councilmen is the father of an autistic child, so he has worked hard on raising awareness.

by Darby on Feb. 5, 2015 at 6:04 AM
Hugs mama....I'm so sorry!
by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 8:37 AM

  No, definitely not stay home. The restaurant has the responsibility of accommodating you and your special needs child .

Yamilajigsaw ribbonamerican flag ribbon

by Niki on Feb. 5, 2015 at 10:15 AM
I ask for a secluded spot because it's best fit for my kids. Preferably next to an exit. I don't feel like it's a negative thing. It's just life. I take the kids out by myself quite a bit. I always bring their tablets and head phones. I also bring silverware, cups and a few favorite treats.
If they're in an extremely off mood I order food to go ahead of time if possible. Most places will allow it.
by on Feb. 5, 2015 at 12:20 PM

Sometimes my son is good eating out and sometimes he isn't. I always bring a drink and either his IPad or some toys. We usually have to sit in a booth so he can't get out and run around. He like bread, chesse pizza and chips & salsa. So I try to make sure we go to places that serves those foods. As long as he has something to do or eat he is usually pretty good.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 5, 2015 at 4:24 PM

I am sorry the man was so rude :( Is there anything you can bring that keeps your son seated for longer periods of time? we bring coloring books tablet etc to keep Izzy entertained while in public. I wouldnt look at being seated in the back as a bad thing or segregation. the quieter part of the restaraunt can often be helpful to our kiddos, so it's really a win win... when you were out to eat in this specific situation was it at a time that your son usually had a hard time sitting still? sometimes I choose to order in over eating out depending on Izzys state of mind or knowing when she starts to regress in behavior. also, Your son has the cognitive level of a 1 year old.. this information is very useful... what accomadations would you use if you were to take a NT 1 year old out to eat? If this is what a 1 year old was doing while out to eat, what would you do? I know its hard because our kids are not cognitivly the age they are physically and it can make it tough for people surrounding us understand... hugs mama

by on Feb. 5, 2015 at 5:16 PM

         Unfortunately my son doesn't look at Ipads, coloring books, or play with small toys. His eye contact is very minimal. It took us 1 year to get him to hold a spoon in his hands and use it properly. What irritates me, is that the waitress said if I'd have Just done the "RIGHT thing" in tone of if  you would have been a better parent.  No I wasn't prepared, for the anger of the man or even the situation. I had no idea the restaurant had a special  needs section only or I would have asked.   We have been in other restaurants where my son didn't throw food and sat down in his seat but that particuliar day he was hyper.  The man spoke to me as though I represented fake autism parents across the world who were all raising spoiled brats. He let me have his opinion and then some. Pointing to me saying GET your F"N kid under Control. In front of my daughter my family the whole restaurant. I tried to reason, Apologize but it wasn't enough I sat down in our booth and cried.  Sometimes I get so angry at people who think I caused my sons disabilities. That i should always have a master plan for every situation because my son has disabilities. I have raised two other daughers who do not have special needs seen them through toddler twos and teen years. I know how kids can be regular kids who won't sit still in the booth, how annoyed others get about it.  But I never thought I would know what it was like to have a special needs kid and how intolerant people can be just because of the word "SPECIAL" or Autistic. But I did understand the mans anger, if my daughter was sitting in a booth and another kid was throwing food over her shoulder onto her plate on purpose I would talk to the parents about it. Not scream at the waitress. I felt the need to defend her then she said, if I would JUST DONE THE RIGHT THING? Let me peer into the future so I can anticipate every situation and make accomadations. But the experience has left me with a  feeling of next time I will ask for seating for my sons disabilties.  banging head into wall

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