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how do you explain it?

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 6:57 PM
  • 8 Replies

We found out within this past week that my father in law is dying. We dont know exactly how much time he has left. The doctor said dont expect even another year, and will give a better time frame once he does a few more tests. (stage 5 kidney disease, CHF, liver is not functioning properly and there are motion issues in his airway.) Izzys grandfather is one of her favorite people on this planet... We want her to be prepared for the day because it is coming before we thought, but we are not sure what the best way to do it is :( Do you have any experience with this? :(

by on Feb. 23, 2015 at 6:57 PM
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Replies (1-8):
lilmama8408
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 7:01 PM
We believe in heaven so when we lost family members ESP DHS grandma this past fall out oldest took it hard. We explained she's with God and she's watchhing us from the sky. We told him even tho he can't see her she's always listening and watching.
lilmama8408
by Bronze Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 7:01 PM
We believe in heaven so when we lost family members ESP DHS grandma this past fall out oldest took it hard. We explained she's with God and she's watchhing us from the sky. We told him even tho he can't see her she's always listening and watching.
magmommy
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2015 at 8:15 PM
Oh im so sorry. Death os a hard process and adjustment for all of us. I can see how youre worried about how izzy will deal with it. I dont know what your family believes but its so important for kids (and even adults) to have a strong faith of what happens after death. When my paternal grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 mo to live one of our hospice caregivers told our family to tell his son (his youngest son , my uncle, was my age) about Jesus because to make sure he didnt fear his daddy being gone-gone. So define your faith and share it with izzy. And i dont know if he is willing to talk to her about it himself but that can be healing. But you know whether it would be better for her to know whats coming.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 24, 2015 at 5:20 AM

Hugs mama...I'm so sorry to hear this:(

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2015 at 8:20 AM

Ugh... How sad. :( I'm so sorry! How is your husband taking this? When we found out my MIL was terminal it hit my hubby really hard. :( she didn't last a year either. Sam was NOT around yet, so, i didn't deal with that! BUT! My nieces and nephews were... (10, 7, 5 and 5 (2 families not twins). But the hospice people (my MIL chose to die in their home) came and talked with the kids and the family. They were really great. I was a mess and this was (my gosh, 13? Years ago?) so I don't remember what they said... But I. Can ask my SIL (who I'm close with).

id wonder if you could borrow some books from the library on death and losing family. The librarian could probably help you find some good titles. I read a few about dogs to Sam when we lost our black lab in 2012.

I would make sure NOT to call it sleep! Don't want to scare Izzy into NOT sleeping!  But maybe just point out all the circles of life... Spring to winter... Plants, trees, even flowers... That the cirle is all around us and is a part of life... 

HUGS... 

only_1_4_me
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2015 at 10:40 AM

 

Quoting SamMom912:

Ugh... How sad. :( I'm so sorry! How is your husband taking this? When we found out my MIL was terminal it hit my hubby really hard. :( she didn't last a year either. Sam was NOT around yet, so, i didn't deal with that! BUT! My nieces and nephews were... (10, 7, 5 and 5 (2 families not twins). But the hospice people (my MIL chose to die in their home) came and talked with the kids and the family. They were really great. I was a mess and this was (my gosh, 13? Years ago?) so I don't remember what they said... But I. Can ask my SIL (who I'm close with).

id wonder if you could borrow some books from the library on death and losing family. The librarian could probably help you find some good titles. I read a few about dogs to Sam when we lost our black lab in 2012.

I would make sure NOT to call it sleep! Don't want to scare Izzy into NOT sleeping!  But maybe just point out all the circles of life... Spring to winter... Plants, trees, even flowers... That the cirle is all around us and is a part of life... 

HUGS... 

Scott is handling it quietly. I dont think he is fully processing all of this yet. His father and he had a strained relationship for a while. (he was more of a provider than a hands on dad.) I am here for him in every way possible so when he finally does crack, he has a secure place to do so...

Izzy has experienced forms of loss in her life. She has had pets that have died, and a great aunt that has passed away. we told her they all went to heaven, and are having a great time playing with each other.. Im just not sure it will be THAT simple when it comes to a main person in her life. I dont think I would call death "sleeping", after all she understands when you go to sleep you wake up.. and that would just hurt her even more never seeing pa wake up... I was thinking about making a therapy session about this, but when would I do it? he has under a year (this is before final testing).. do I wait until it gets closer, do I prepare her now? ugh.. what a mess.

only_1_4_me
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2015 at 10:45 AM

 

Quoting magmommy: Oh im so sorry. Death os a hard process and adjustment for all of us. I can see how youre worried about how izzy will deal with it. I dont know what your family believes but its so important for kids (and even adults) to have a strong faith of what happens after death. When my paternal grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 mo to live one of our hospice caregivers told our family to tell his son (his youngest son , my uncle, was my age) about Jesus because to make sure he didnt fear his daddy being gone-gone. So define your faith and share it with izzy. And i dont know if he is willing to talk to her about it himself but that can be healing. But you know whether it would be better for her to know whats coming.

 Izzy knows about heaven, and jesus, and god... I have (and so has grammy) taught her a little about it. (my DH is not a religious person at all)... when her pets have passed away, we explained they were in heaven.. when it thunders we tell her "hear that, the pups are bowling in heaven!" and it makes her smile... I just dont know if it will be the same with such a HUGE part of her life... She has a very strong relationship with her grandparents.. Im battling telling her beforehand, or waiting until he passes to tell her he is in heaven, or even how to begin that conversation... my MIL says to talk with her therapist about it, let them know this is coming so they can help deal with the backlash...

magmommy
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2015 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting only_1_4_me:

 


Quoting magmommy: Oh im so sorry. Death os a hard process and adjustment for all of us. I can see how youre worried about how izzy will deal with it. I dont know what your family believes but its so important for kids (and even adults) to have a strong faith of what happens after death. When my paternal grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 mo to live one of our hospice caregivers told our family to tell his son (his youngest son , my uncle, was my age) about Jesus because to make sure he didnt fear his daddy being gone-gone. So define your faith and share it with izzy. And i dont know if he is willing to talk to her about it himself but that can be healing. But you know whether it would be better for her to know whats coming.

 Izzy knows about heaven, and jesus, and god... I have (and so has grammy) taught her a little about it. (my DH is not a religious person at all)... when her pets have passed away, we explained they were in heaven.. when it thunders we tell her "hear that, the pups are bowling in heaven!" and it makes her smile... I just dont know if it will be the same with such a HUGE part of her life... She has a very strong relationship with her grandparents.. Im battling telling her beforehand, or waiting until he passes to tell her he is in heaven, or even how to begin that conversation... my MIL says to talk with her therapist about it, let them know this is coming so they can help deal with the backlash...

Telling the therapist is a great start. It is a terrible thing to endure. Lots of love mom!
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