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Unaceptable social begaviors.

Posted by on Aug. 8, 2015 at 4:33 PM
  • 27 Replies
Does your child have any? Mine does. Ds is 12, he was diagnosed 3 years ago. He has some behaviors that have pissed off our neighbors. I don't know what to do. Right now he has an obsession with cars. He plays with their cars. Folding in side mirrors, playing with wipers.

He has 3 therapists and a psychiatrist. We are trying to figure out the right meds for him. I am outside with him all the time. But he still gets to the cars. I also need to watch dd who is 4. I do my cleaning, laundry and cooking after 8pm because I need to be outside with him. I don't eat dinner most nights till 10 or 11pm. I have tried to change it so we are outside more during the day but that didn't work out. I'm in pain most days because I have a bad back, chronic migraines and lately stomach problems. I am doing my best to stop his behaviors. But his psychiatrist says in can take years. She says it's an autistic behavior.

Well, my neighbors are pissed, understandably. I would be to. However, I am doing my best. But they don't care. I'm just so exhausted and frustrated. They won't listen when I try to explain.they say they want to hear it will stop. But if say that and it doesn't stop they will come back saying I'm a liar. I have lost friends because of this.

How can I help my son to stop? Or what can I say to my neighbors to help them have a little empathy or understanding?

I can't keep him locked up inside because when I do, the neighbors complain about him being loud. We live in 4plex. The property consists of 2 4-plexes. We are looking to move. But it will take time.

Please, any advice. I am so stressed. I feel like not giving a crap about their cars at this point. He isn't doing it to break things or be mean. He just doesn't understand why it's bad.

Please forgive typos. I am not used to my new tablet.
by on Aug. 8, 2015 at 4:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyAmaranth
by Silver Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 4:45 PM
1 mom liked this
I wish I knew how to get people to have more understanding but there just isn't.
My only advice, which may seem odd, is to not keep apologizing. You've done it, they don't give a dang so stop. Move your son away when you catch him and that's that.
Do you have Hot Wheels you could get his attention with or a remote controlled car??? Something to try and replace one behavior with another?? Have a park you can go to?

My oldest was diagnosed two years ago at age 9. My other two just a few months ago so I'm dealing with the overwhelmed feeling too.

My kids do have a few things we're working on but not like your son does.

(Hugs) hang in, minute by minute. Some days that's all we can do.
Rhapsitee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:09 PM
Are those the only things in the cars he's playing with? If so, maybe he likes the way they work on hinges or something? My son is obsessed with things that open and close. We bought him a few play die cast model cars where the doors open and close and other things on it moved. Maybe that would help with your son. Good luck! Hugs to you and wishing you strength to deal with your neighbors.
Meg2011425
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:21 PM
Yes! Too many to list! :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
miisha
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this
We are always going to different parks. Right now his therapist is working on getting him a private tour of Tesla. We are hoping that might help. He has all kinds of cars. But he still loves the reAL thing.

Quoting LadyAmaranth: I wish I knew how to get people to have more understanding but there just isn't.
My only advice, which may seem odd, is to not keep apologizing. You've done it, they don't give a dang so stop. Move your son away when you catch him and that's that.
Do you have Hot Wheels you could get his attention with or a remote controlled car??? Something to try and replace one behavior with another?? Have a park you can go to?

My oldest was diagnosed two years ago at age 9. My other two just a few months ago so I'm dealing with the overwhelmed feeling too.

My kids do have a few things we're working on but not like your son does.

(Hugs) hang in, minute by minute. Some days that's all we can do.
miisha
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:24 PM
How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
Meg2011425
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:33 PM
Lately I'm struggling to handle it. He has issues with kids bullying him and so he starts calling them names. Names I have no idea where he learned them. I've tried keeping him inside when kids are outside, but that never works. I've tried having him stay in the yard while being supervised by me and he's learned to run off. Making me on frantic momma. We are currently having a neighbor war between the kids. We have had to file 3 police reports due to issues with them. I do understand your frustrations because I've had people yell at me and my son because they think I'm not doing my job as his mom.

So sorry, I'm not help, but I'm right there with you on working with therapist and finding the right meds for him too!

Quoting miisha: How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
miisha
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:36 PM
Same here. Kids bully Ds all the time. He reacts by calling names and crying. Then when he reacts, I'm the bad mom because he used bad words. These parents refuse to admit their kids are bullies. To them, they are perfect angels and never do wrong.

Quoting Meg2011425: Lately I'm struggling to handle it. He has issues with kids bullying him and so he starts calling them names. Names I have no idea where he learned them. I've tried keeping him inside when kids are outside, but that never works. I've tried having him stay in the yard while being supervised by me and he's learned to run off. Making me on frantic momma. We are currently having a neighbor war between the kids. We have had to file 3 police reports due to issues with them. I do understand your frustrations because I've had people yell at me and my son because they think I'm not doing my job as his mom.

So sorry, I'm not help, but I'm right there with you on working with therapist and finding the right meds for him too!

Quoting miisha: How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
Meg2011425
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:42 PM
I fully agree! The cop finally went and told their mom, "your kids have issues too and I suggest your try and work on it". But it's been an ongoing issue.

Quoting miisha: Same here. Kids bully Ds all the time. He reacts by calling names and crying. Then when he reacts, I'm the bad mom because he used bad words. These parents refuse to admit their kids are bullies. To them, they are perfect angels and never do wrong.

Quoting Meg2011425: Lately I'm struggling to handle it. He has issues with kids bullying him and so he starts calling them names. Names I have no idea where he learned them. I've tried keeping him inside when kids are outside, but that never works. I've tried having him stay in the yard while being supervised by me and he's learned to run off. Making me on frantic momma. We are currently having a neighbor war between the kids. We have had to file 3 police reports due to issues with them. I do understand your frustrations because I've had people yell at me and my son because they think I'm not doing my job as his mom.

So sorry, I'm not help, but I'm right there with you on working with therapist and finding the right meds for him too!

Quoting miisha: How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
miisha
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:50 PM
I'm waiting on the day someone calls the cops on ds.

Quoting Meg2011425: I fully agree! The cop finally went and told their mom, "your kids have issues too and I suggest your try and work on it". But it's been an ongoing issue.

Quoting miisha: Same here. Kids bully Ds all the time. He reacts by calling names and crying. Then when he reacts, I'm the bad mom because he used bad words. These parents refuse to admit their kids are bullies. To them, they are perfect angels and never do wrong.

Quoting Meg2011425: Lately I'm struggling to handle it. He has issues with kids bullying him and so he starts calling them names. Names I have no idea where he learned them. I've tried keeping him inside when kids are outside, but that never works. I've tried having him stay in the yard while being supervised by me and he's learned to run off. Making me on frantic momma. We are currently having a neighbor war between the kids. We have had to file 3 police reports due to issues with them. I do understand your frustrations because I've had people yell at me and my son because they think I'm not doing my job as his mom.

So sorry, I'm not help, but I'm right there with you on working with therapist and finding the right meds for him too!

Quoting miisha: How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
Meg2011425
by Member on Aug. 8, 2015 at 5:58 PM
That happened to us Tuesday. But it went back on them because one of the boys left marks on my son from grabbing his shirt and scratching him on his shoulder.

Quoting miisha: I'm waiting on the day someone calls the cops on ds.

Quoting Meg2011425: I fully agree! The cop finally went and told their mom, "your kids have issues too and I suggest your try and work on it". But it's been an ongoing issue.

Quoting miisha: Same here. Kids bully Ds all the time. He reacts by calling names and crying. Then when he reacts, I'm the bad mom because he used bad words. These parents refuse to admit their kids are bullies. To them, they are perfect angels and never do wrong.

Quoting Meg2011425: Lately I'm struggling to handle it. He has issues with kids bullying him and so he starts calling them names. Names I have no idea where he learned them. I've tried keeping him inside when kids are outside, but that never works. I've tried having him stay in the yard while being supervised by me and he's learned to run off. Making me on frantic momma. We are currently having a neighbor war between the kids. We have had to file 3 police reports due to issues with them. I do understand your frustrations because I've had people yell at me and my son because they think I'm not doing my job as his mom.

So sorry, I'm not help, but I'm right there with you on working with therapist and finding the right meds for him too!

Quoting miisha: How do you handle it?

Quoting Meg2011425: Yes! Too many to list! :(
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