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R U kidding me?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 4:53 PM
  • 20 Replies
I have gotten Sam to school everyday (its thursday!) this week PLUS last Thursday & Friday. Granted its modified 2 hours 1-3... But its been ok (blips of difficulty) but I think Sam "feels good" because he HAS been going... Even if it hasn't been without explosions.

Anyway, i was called in at 2:30 for a meeting with the school psychologist Dr.D, fresh out of school, pretty lil young thing... And Sam's teacher- again pretty blonde, single, young (30?) anyway- my main point here is - NO KIDS-- (see the mindset).

They are both LOVELY and Smart, caring and I know they want whats best for Sam. And im thinking they're getting some heat for this modified schedule and the inconsistency of Sam.

Dr.D gives me a short lecture about being firmer & more parental and letting Sam know who's boss. Ladies, you'd be proud, I was calm. :) and Im taking those comments from where they came... Young, clueless- NOT a mom.

" Letting" Sam come full day- forcing him- to "prove" to him he CAN do it. She thinks its necessary to move forward.

Let? Um, really?! Dont you think Id give him willingly to "get" my haircut and play some golf? Let? HA!

Do I "let" this backfire? Do I let them RUIN the trust and compassion thats being built?

Ive decided to call Sam's private therapist and have him call Dr.D. Better i pay the 200 bucks for a professional to tell her what NEEDs to be said.

1. I AM parental.
2. Anxiety can not be managed with full force.
3. This is not me NOT "letting" Sam go to school but the daily fine walk of managing a dysregulated severley anxious autistic child.

And here I am getting down off my soapbox
Thank you for listening

by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 4:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:49 PM
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So sry! I know how hard that must have been to keep your cool. It's that it's too hard for Sam! Not you letting him.

I wasn't as calm today. I got an email from the school OT. She demanded that Nick is fine at school and if I need advice on how to handle him at home she will be willing to help! The email I sent back wasn't as nice as it should have been. It was very long telling her that I'm not asking for much and I don't think it will be too much to ask to give him some extra support. And she included the SE teacher in the email. Not a good day. I'm depressed now and have to go on a trip with Nick tomorrow.
Ralgj
by April on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you handled yourself perfectly. And I know it was hard! Advice from non parents esp non autism parents is hard to hear, maybe annoying is a better word for it.

You know what's best for Sam. You are the one who is around him and knows what he can handle. I'm sure they are getting some heat for the schedule but it sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I would hate for you too push hard and then take all those steps backward and maybe some additional ones too.

I'm always happy to listen!!

Ralgj
by April on Oct. 8, 2015 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs!! Sounds like a rough day. It's hard to constantly keep your cool! I'm sure it wasn't that bad. And I'm sure it was all things that needed to be said. Hang in there!! Hope tomorrow goes well!

Quoting Nickmom1118: So sry! I know how hard that must have been to keep your cool. It's that it's too hard for Sam! Not you letting him.

I wasn't as calm today. I got an email from the school OT. She demanded that Nick is fine at school and if I need advice on how to handle him at home she will be willing to help! The email I sent back wasn't as nice as it should have been. It was very long telling her that I'm not asking for much and I don't think it will be too much to ask to give him some extra support. And she included the SE teacher in the email. Not a good day. I'm depressed now and have to go on a trip with Nick tomorrow.
jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Grrrr! Why is it when someone doesn't really know how to work well with our kids, they tend to immediately decide the "problem" must be the parent's fault. As if we as the parents don't have the clearest ideas of when & how to stretch our kids, advocate for them, and most importantly, understand them. I think having the doctor call is a great idea. Since the insinuation was dismissive of your techniques, you need someone of perceived authority to support your parenting. I hope that works well & they learn to work with you, not around you, if that makes sense.
Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:38 PM

I'm sure they are getting pressure from the home district because they are paying for a placement that hasn't turned out to be the full time daily placement they intended for it to be.  They probably do not see it as cost effective as he wasn't going full time for them, and he still isn't.  Because let's face it, districts worry about money more than kids' needs.  I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the driver.  Yes, it stinks.  I'm not sure what you do now.  Could Sam agree to increasing by an hour a week and build up to full time?  Maybe if they see time increasing they'd back off?

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 8:54 PM
I know... I know you're right about a lot of this... But home district couldn't get him to school... And IF they don't keep THIS placement then where are they going to put Sam? He CANT ho back to their schools? They don't have a place for bright LD. New school CAN say "we cant meet his needs"... But then again, where does that leave Sam? Us looking at other programs... Private more intensive even residential programs... $$$$$$$. Home district should be happy with current placement. Lol!

The problem as Ai presented it when I spoke with Sams private psychologist comes down to lunch. sam HAD a friend- who has moved on and they have not reconnected. Sam wont dpend the hour lunch there alone. There USED to be an aide but she retired. So there is No one to hang with him... So he will do 2.5 AM ir 2.5 pm... But cant bridge the hour lunch...

They (we) need to figure out lunch to stretch...

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I'm sure they are getting pressure from the home district because they are paying for a placement that hasn't turned out to be the full time daily placement they intended for it to be.  They probably do not see it as cost effective as he wasn't going full time for them, and he still isn't.  Because let's face it, districts worry about money more than kids' needs.  I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the driver.  Yes, it stinks.  I'm not sure what you do now.  Could Sam agree to increasing by an hour a week and build up to full time?  Maybe if they see time increasing they'd back off?

Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this

See, it goes back to the 'we love Sam' campaign I mentioned last time.  Lol.  They need to get him comfortable with a buddy or two for lunch hour.  Maybe even an adult aid and a child or two.  They need to up their social skills game and get Sam interested if that is the block.

Quoting SamMom912: I know... I know you're right about a lot of this... But home district couldn't get him to school... And IF they don't keep THIS placement then where are they going to put Sam? He CANT ho back to their schools? They don't have a place for bright LD. New school CAN say "we cant meet his needs"... But then again, where does that leave Sam? Us looking at other programs... Private more intensive even residential programs... $$$$$$$. Home district should be happy with current placement. Lol! The problem as Ai presented it when I spoke with Sams private psychologist comes down to lunch. sam HAD a friend- who has moved on and they have not reconnected. Sam wont dpend the hour lunch there alone. There USED to be an aide but she retired. So there is No one to hang with him... So he will do 2.5 AM ir 2.5 pm... But cant bridge the hour lunch... They (we) need to figure out lunch to stretch...
Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I'm sure they are getting pressure from the home district because they are paying for a placement that hasn't turned out to be the full time daily placement they intended for it to be.  They probably do not see it as cost effective as he wasn't going full time for them, and he still isn't.  Because let's face it, districts worry about money more than kids' needs.  I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the driver.  Yes, it stinks.  I'm not sure what you do now.  Could Sam agree to increasing by an hour a week and build up to full time?  Maybe if they see time increasing they'd back off?


SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:31 PM
They are really big on enrichment clubs there. During the 40 min recess they have art clubs, chess club, mathletes, book clubs, gardening. Old retired teachers and parents/grandparents come in to run the clubs. Its really nice... I suggested they start a cartoon club where they watch a cartoon (with a lesson) and then discuss it. I thought since Sam loves cartoons, it might be a good social thing..

But yes, they need to up the social support 150 percent!!!



Quoting Momof4AEMW:

See, it goes back to the 'we love Sam' campaign I mentioned last time.  Lol.  They need to get him comfortable with a buddy or two for lunch hour.  Maybe even an adult aid and a child or two.  They need to up their social skills game and get Sam interested if that is the block.

Quoting SamMom912: I know... I know you're right about a lot of this... But home district couldn't get him to school... And IF they don't keep THIS placement then where are they going to put Sam? He CANT ho back to their schools? They don't have a place for bright LD. New school CAN say "we cant meet his needs"... But then again, where does that leave Sam? Us looking at other programs... Private more intensive even residential programs... $$$$$$$. Home district should be happy with current placement. Lol!

The problem as Ai presented it when I spoke with Sams private psychologist comes down to lunch. sam HAD a friend- who has moved on and they have not reconnected. Sam wont dpend the hour lunch there alone. There USED to be an aide but she retired. So there is No one to hang with him... So he will do 2.5 AM ir 2.5 pm... But cant bridge the hour lunch...

They (we) need to figure out lunch to stretch...

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I'm sure they are getting pressure from the home district because they are paying for a placement that hasn't turned out to be the full time daily placement they intended for it to be.  They probably do not see it as cost effective as he wasn't going full time for them, and he still isn't.  Because let's face it, districts worry about money more than kids' needs.  I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the driver.  Yes, it stinks.  I'm not sure what you do now.  Could Sam agree to increasing by an hour a week and build up to full time?  Maybe if they see time increasing they'd back off?

repetition
by Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:37 PM

Since Oct. 2, I've tried all day with varying degrees of success. Today, he went in later because I felt he needed the extra sleep. It's always terrible, but he's had a few bad days in a row. He lasted 30 minutes top and I had to come get him. A teacher and aide were both trying to calm him down..


I think when you have a kid with special needs,(the expectations go way down, at least for me).  I'm sorry they aren't being helpful. My son's teacher is a very young looking 20 something and she was supportive. The aide was also at my sons preschool so that helped.

Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:42 PM

That sounds cool.  Would he go for the book club since he loves reading so much?

Quoting SamMom912: They are really big on enrichment clubs there. During the 40 min recess they have art clubs, chess club, mathletes, book clubs, gardening. Old retired teachers and parents/grandparents come in to run the clubs. Its really nice... I suggested they start a cartoon club where they watch a cartoon (with a lesson) and then discuss it. I thought since Sam loves cartoons, it might be a good social thing.. But yes, they need to up the social support 150 percent!!!
Quoting Momof4AEMW:

See, it goes back to the 'we love Sam' campaign I mentioned last time.  Lol.  They need to get him comfortable with a buddy or two for lunch hour.  Maybe even an adult aid and a child or two.  They need to up their social skills game and get Sam interested if that is the block.

Quoting SamMom912: I know... I know you're right about a lot of this... But home district couldn't get him to school... And IF they don't keep THIS placement then where are they going to put Sam? He CANT ho back to their schools? They don't have a place for bright LD. New school CAN say "we cant meet his needs"... But then again, where does that leave Sam? Us looking at other programs... Private more intensive even residential programs... $$$$$$$. Home district should be happy with current placement. Lol! The problem as Ai presented it when I spoke with Sams private psychologist comes down to lunch. sam HAD a friend- who has moved on and they have not reconnected. Sam wont dpend the hour lunch there alone. There USED to be an aide but she retired. So there is No one to hang with him... So he will do 2.5 AM ir 2.5 pm... But cant bridge the hour lunch... They (we) need to figure out lunch to stretch...
Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I'm sure they are getting pressure from the home district because they are paying for a placement that hasn't turned out to be the full time daily placement they intended for it to be.  They probably do not see it as cost effective as he wasn't going full time for them, and he still isn't.  Because let's face it, districts worry about money more than kids' needs.  I don't agree with that, but it seems to be the driver.  Yes, it stinks.  I'm not sure what you do now.  Could Sam agree to increasing by an hour a week and build up to full time?  Maybe if they see time increasing they'd back off?


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