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talk about teenagers...

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 10:00 AM
  • 17 Replies
1 mom liked this

 I have a son who is 12 and has high functioning autism. I want to connect with other moms who have older children and maybe start a group as some of our children's needs are different than younger kids. 

Anyone interested? Anyone want to talk about what it is like to have a ASD teen? HELP!!!! :)

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LadyAmaranth
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 10:04 AM
My oldest will be 12 in March.
I'm so not ready for the puberty stage. It's already started with the smell but never having brothers I'm unsure how to deal with it.
Figure it's going to be a moment at a time LOL.
Bobcatridge
by Carol on Jan. 31, 2016 at 12:24 PM

I have a 14 yr old almost 15 daughter with ASD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder.  Life with a teen is so much harder and the ASD is more obvious and then there is that teen attitude. I would be interested in a group for those with older children.

amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 31, 2016 at 12:44 PM

My youngest will be 15 in March. Loads of fun, let me tell ya. ;)

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jan. 31, 2016 at 1:35 PM


Quoting amonkeymom:

My youngest will be 15 in March. Loads of fun, let me tell ya. ;)

I don't even know how to begin to put this into words...it is like he is a brick wall. He is being inflexible but in a new way, he doesn't want advice, assistance, direction. He knows EVERYTHING and he is an authority on EVERYTHING. I want to do this right, I know this is a critical time but the balance is complicated. When do I enforce the rules and when do I give him some wiggle room. I will not battle with him for the next 6 years. NO way so I have to figure something out...any ideas are helpful, thanks!!  xo

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jan. 31, 2016 at 1:40 PM


Quoting Bobcatridge:

I have a 14 yr old almost 15 daughter with ASD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder.  Life with a teen is so much harder and the ASD is more obvious and then there is that teen attitude. I would be interested in a group for those with older children.

If you don't mind me asking how did you come to the conclusion that your daughter was depressed, and the anxiety...how does that manifest? I am just trying to learn as much as I can about this new stage of my son's life. What do you think helps the most? I am trying to keep the lines of communication open but I am so worried about his rigidity. Is your daughter rigid in her thinking and opinions?

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:25 PM

The good news is that some of this stuff is just "teenager" and not "autistic teenager."

But often our kids can be much more stubborn! 

Mine is 16, and yes, the first few years after puberty were especially bad with big battles over homework and hygeine in particular. For the former, I do get assistance from his high school case carrier, who set him a challenge last year of 95% on-time homework completion. He's just about there. The hygeine? Well, it's getting better slowly.

I have found that the more he is asked to do, the more difficult it gets for him. It's an exectuv ie function thing; he doesn't know which way to go first. So we prioritize. Fortunately he doesn't have as much at-home homework this year (junior) as in the past; he gets a lot done at school. 

For hygeine, he knows he's got a daily requirement to brush his teeth. Showering, at least every other day. And if he shaves twice a week, I'm happy. Keeping it that way minimizes the stress in the mornings.

We don't have a lot of "rules," so I don't worry about enforcing them. I use a lot of natural consequences. Don't clean up your room? Then you're going to have trouble finding things. Don't do your homework? Then your grades will suffer. Skip the hygeine? Then people won't want to be around you.


Quoting amonkeymom:

My youngest will be 15 in March. Loads of fun, let me tell ya. ;)

I don't even know how to begin to put this into words...it is like he is a brick wall. He is being inflexible but in a new way, he doesn't want advice, assistance, direction. He knows EVERYTHING and he is an authority on EVERYTHING. I want to do this right, I know this is a critical time but the balance is complicated. When do I enforce the rules and when do I give him some wiggle room. I will not battle with him for the next 6 years. NO way so I have to figure something out...any ideas are helpful, thanks!!  xo


Charizma77
by Carissa on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:48 PM
I have an 11 yo son who is hitting puberty, he just started getting pimples.. No! Lol I would love to join a group if you start one ;)
Bobcatridge
by Carol on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:48 PM

My daughter is extemely rigid and it is a big problem. She interprets things wrong because she just doesn't get the social cues. As far as depression, well her first severe depression was when she was 10 and all she wanted to do was lean against me and I would cry too.  She has had a severe depression every year since then and they are increasingly worse - well maybe. In seventh grade there was a lot of bullying that ended with her being suicidal - that was really bad.  This year she has been in a distance learning program and she had severe panic attacks and severe depression.  The ASD comes out in not understanding social cues and total inflexibility.  As far as the depression right now, well she doesn't want to do anything and cries constantly.  It is not hard to recognize.  As far as anxiety, everything causes anxiety and I mean everything - school, going to a 4 H meeting, anything.  My daughter has been particularly hostile toward me this fall because she feels so bad.  I hug, I cuddle, I try to understand and sometimes I cry.  I try to encourage her to do things that make her feel better.  She is presently on medical leave from the distance learning program.  I try all sorts of things to help.  Some things work sort of and most just don't help.

Quoting lucasmadre:

Quoting Bobcatridge:

I have a 14 yr old almost 15 daughter with ASD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder.  Life with a teen is so much harder and the ASD is more obvious and then there is that teen attitude. I would be interested in a group for those with older children.

If you don't mind me asking how did you come to the conclusion that your daughter was depressed, and the anxiety...how does that manifest? I am just trying to learn as much as I can about this new stage of my son's life. What do you think helps the most? I am trying to keep the lines of communication open but I am so worried about his rigidity. Is your daughter rigid in her thinking and opinions?


lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 1, 2016 at 6:55 AM


Quoting gdiamante:

The good news is that some of this stuff is just "teenager" and not "autistic teenager."

But often our kids can be much more stubborn! 

Mine is 16, and yes, the first few years after puberty were especially bad with big battles over homework and hygeine in particular. For the former, I do get assistance from his high school case carrier, who set him a challenge last year of 95% on-time homework completion. He's just about there. The hygeine? Well, it's getting better slowly.

I have found that the more he is asked to do, the more difficult it gets for him. It's an exectuv ie function thing; he doesn't know which way to go first. So we prioritize. Fortunately he doesn't have as much at-home homework this year (junior) as in the past; he gets a lot done at school. 

For hygeine, he knows he's got a daily requirement to brush his teeth. Showering, at least every other day. And if he shaves twice a week, I'm happy. Keeping it that way minimizes the stress in the mornings.

We don't have a lot of "rules," so I don't worry about enforcing them. I use a lot of natural consequences. Don't clean up your room? Then you're going to have trouble finding things. Don't do your homework? Then your grades will suffer. Skip the hygeine? Then people won't want to be around you.


Quoting amonkeymom:

My youngest will be 15 in March. Loads of fun, let me tell ya. ;)

I don't even know how to begin to put this into words...it is like he is a brick wall. He is being inflexible but in a new way, he doesn't want advice, assistance, direction. He knows EVERYTHING and he is an authority on EVERYTHING. I want to do this right, I know this is a critical time but the balance is complicated. When do I enforce the rules and when do I give him some wiggle room. I will not battle with him for the next 6 years. NO way so I have to figure something out...any ideas are helpful, thanks!!  xo


I like the natural consequences idea and I have been trying to work that in along with things I implement (like loosing his phone if he is disrespectful.) I just made a list on the bulletin board of the minimum requirements and so he is in the process of getting used to checking that rather than me reminding him of things. Now I have to get him in the habit of looking at the list :) He is motivated as it is a check list and every check equals a quarter. If he does everything it comes to about $5 a week but the less he does the less money he gets...will let you know how it comes out. I think there are enough of us to start a group...I am kinda excited!  Thanks!

lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 1, 2016 at 7:03 AM

Oh Carol I am so sorry. ASD is enough to deal with and you have so much more. I cry too...it is so hard to watch them suffer. I can not imagine what it is like to have a girl who is so unhappy. I have suffered from anxiety in the past so I know first hand how immoblizing that can be. Is she happier when she is at home than when she is out in the world? It sounds like you are doing an amazing job helping her. I think a group about older kids could be really great for all us mom's with teens...thanks for sharing so much with me. xo

Quoting Bobcatridge:

My daughter is extemely rigid and it is a big problem. She interprets things wrong because she just doesn't get the social cues. As far as depression, well her first severe depression was when she was 10 and all she wanted to do was lean against me and I would cry too.  She has had a severe depression every year since then and they are increasingly worse - well maybe. In seventh grade there was a lot of bullying that ended with her being suicidal - that was really bad.  This year she has been in a distance learning program and she had severe panic attacks and severe depression.  The ASD comes out in not understanding social cues and total inflexibility.  As far as the depression right now, well she doesn't want to do anything and cries constantly.  It is not hard to recognize.  As far as anxiety, everything causes anxiety and I mean everything - school, going to a 4 H meeting, anything.  My daughter has been particularly hostile toward me this fall because she feels so bad.  I hug, I cuddle, I try to understand and sometimes I cry.  I try to encourage her to do things that make her feel better.  She is presently on medical leave from the distance learning program.  I try all sorts of things to help.  Some things work sort of and most just don't help.

Quoting lucasmadre:

Quoting Bobcatridge:

I have a 14 yr old almost 15 daughter with ASD, generalized anxiety disorder, and major depressive disorder.  Life with a teen is so much harder and the ASD is more obvious and then there is that teen attitude. I would be interested in a group for those with older children.

If you don't mind me asking how did you come to the conclusion that your daughter was depressed, and the anxiety...how does that manifest? I am just trying to learn as much as I can about this new stage of my son's life. What do you think helps the most? I am trying to keep the lines of communication open but I am so worried about his rigidity. Is your daughter rigid in her thinking and opinions?



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