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Sharing your child's diagnosis with him/her.

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 1:49 AM
  • 11 Replies

I read that the right time to tell your child is when they ask you questions like "why is this so hard for me? " or "why can my peers do a certain thing so easily?". I also read you should tell it as a matter of fact. A week ago, I was watching "The brilliant Mind". The parents there mention about super powers and "as long as you are gifted it is ok to be weird". They have shown the negative repercussions of explaining that way. My son is too young to understand. We have a long time for this. However the thought gets me very emotional and I am not sure if I would be able to have this conversation with him. For moms who have gone through this, at what age did you share with your child? Did you tell it yourself or with the help of a third person like a therapist?

by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 1:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MistyMoo
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 8:20 AM
I told my son last year and I don't know what I said wrong, but he interpreted what I said the wrong way.. He kept telling me he couldn't do his homework because "he's has autism, so he can't do it." I told him that autism didn't mean he was stupid, it meant he had a different thought process than me or his sister's, but he wasn't wrong or stupid and he was more than capable of doing anything he set his mind to. It took me and his Ea's about a month for him stop thinking like that.. He's 8. I don't think I'll remind him again forba long while.
MamaLauri
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:00 AM

I truly believe being on the spectrum is a mixed blessing. Roughly 20% of people have a sensitive immune and nervous system. This allows them to solve certain problems better but makes them more susceptible to bad things in the environment. Primates have roughly the same amount. So the genes have been around for a very long time. Of the 100 species studied, all had mix populations. Scientists are beginning to understand different sensitivities are a strategy that allows a specie to survive in a changing environment. All people with ASD and ADHD have sensitive immune and nervous system. Most of their mothers have sensitive immune systems and/or are highly exposed, so sensitive fetuses are exposed to higher levels in the womb.

Our current culture and school systems are rather intolerant of differences, and big business does not want to admit our environment is getting dirtier, our food system/diet is 25% as nutritious as our great-grandparents. Our children, especially the most sensitive, and elderly are paying for it the most with their health and minds.

My kids were taught at an early age of what they need to stay away from. My youngest is very allergic. So they learned gradually they were different, but that was not bad. Simply telling them they are defective is not helpful. They are far better off gradually understanding more of the story and what they can do about it and what their strengths are.

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 9:14 AM
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Sam has known since he was 5ish that his brain just works different then others call it Aspergers/aSD/LD its not typical... . His out of the box thinking an innovative ways at looking at things are a gift. With his amazing mind there are extra challenges - sensory- he gets different info then I get...and it is nothing to argue over... "It smells weird in here!" " interesting Sam, what does it smell like "maple syrup and dirt"... "Hummmm im not getting that from my nose... "
Lol...

I did refer to it as a superpower in a way that made him awesome for a bit when he was younger (gave him his great language! Makes him not ordinary or average but EXTRAordinary!) but have since dropped that since he is older.

Im big on pushing that we ALL have gifts and talents and challenges. Its up to US (parents and school) to find those gifts and work to overcome the challenges. We ALL have challenges.. And Im quick to point out my own in efforts to teach.

rebecca_new_mom
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 11:24 AM

This is a great question! Thank you for posting and I look forward to reading the responses :)

jowen905
by Jan on Mar. 30, 2016 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I probably started talking to my 14 year old son when he was 6 or 7.  Just very basic information, but helping him to understand why certain things were so difficult for him, that his brain works in a different way.  I always remind him of things that are easy for him, too, and make sure he understands that everyone has something that they struggle with.

Simran81
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 11:49 PM

Sorry to hear that but I can understand how that could happen.

Quoting MistyMoo: I told my son last year and I don't know what I said wrong, but he interpreted what I said the wrong way.. He kept telling me he couldn't do his homework because "he's has autism, so he can't do it." I told him that autism didn't mean he was stupid, it meant he had a different thought process than me or his sister's, but he wasn't wrong or stupid and he was more than capable of doing anything he set his mind to. It took me and his Ea's about a month for him stop thinking like that.. He's 8. I don't think I'll remind him again forba long while.


magmommy
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2016 at 12:04 AM
Ive tried in casual conversation explaining how our minds work diffently. Im bipolar so my brain works diffently too. He never seems to care and always tells me he never feels different from others.

Yet he talks like a baby in school, has limited poitive peer interaction and shuts down sometimes refusing to do anything but stqre at his hands or feet.i dont know if hes just telling me he doesnt feel different or if he really doesnt. He acts like he really doesnt.
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 31, 2016 at 4:43 PM
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My son is 6.5. And is started about 6 months ago trying to explain autism. I do not hide that word around our house it's used when trying to e plain something or do something. Especially with DH not understanding why Nick does certain things.

I started by getting a book about autism for children. It's called, "all my stripes. A story for children with autism" he responded really well to that. Then once in awhile we use basic words and language to talk about what autism means for Nick. So he knows he has autism but still not sure what that means other than he has special abilities.
MamaLauri
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2016 at 5:01 PM

Thank you for sharing the book. I think starting young and gradually talking about it in a matter-of-fact non-negative way works best.

Quoting Nickmom1118: My son is 6.5. And is started about 6 months ago trying to explain autism. I do not hide that word around our house it's used when trying to e plain something or do something. Especially with DH not understanding why Nick does certain things. I started by getting a book about autism for children. It's called, "all my stripes. A story for children with autism" he responded really well to that. Then once in awhile we use basic words and language to talk about what autism means for Nick. So he knows he has autism but still not sure what that means other than he has special abilities.


Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Mar. 31, 2016 at 5:24 PM
Your welcome.

I borrowed the book from the library. I would like to buy it for his book collection. He loved the book and I read it several times. Ya. I asked him what autism was justs now. He said, I remember stuff. Lol. That's one of his "super powers" he can remember something that happened a long time ago and can give directions on how to get somewhere.


Quoting MamaLauri:

Thank you for sharing the book. I think starting young and gradually talking about it in a matter-of-fact non-negative way works best.

Quoting Nickmom1118: My son is 6.5. And is started about 6 months ago trying to explain autism. I do not hide that word around our house it's used when trying to e plain something or do something. Especially with DH not understanding why Nick does certain things.

I started by getting a book about autism for children. It's called, "all my stripes. A story for children with autism" he responded really well to that. Then once in awhile we use basic words and language to talk about what autism means for Nick. So he knows he has autism but still not sure what that means other than he has special abilities.

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