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Extinction bursts aka tempur tantrum from h*ll

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 4:04 PM
  • 8 Replies
Today, aspergers, you have won. Screw you! So my 8 year old was being great this morning he has only had one temper tantrum at home since November and it almost always happens when his ABA therapist is trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. Today it was reading comprehension. All he has to do to get out of it is ask for a break so he can try again later and yet he refuses. I got him to do the assigned work because she had to leave and thought it was all over.... Boy was I wrong. Two hours go by of good behavior then he and his youngers brothers get into it. They want to play with him. He is playing in their room since his is having repairs at the moment and he is getting frustrated because they keep bothering him and instead of using his words he starts using fists and ripped his brothers shirt. I come in and tell him what he should have done and kick him out of the room but noooo... I am no longer his mother, he hates me, hates this house, he hates his family, he will never be grounded, he will use my car to run away to California, he hopes I get run over by a train, points imaginary guns at me... Lovely.
Yeah bud hate to tell you but you are super grounded and you are going to sit alone until dinner and bed time. I went back and forth with him and knew I shouldn't have.

Anyways how do you deal with this behavior? Normally he is very innocent and wonderful to be around just typical Aspie. Our aba therapists says to just wait it out and ignore him but he pulls this crap at school and I'm afraid he will be kicked out of school even though they know Mason and know these are just words. Protocol and zero tolerance may not let him get away with it any more.
by on Mar. 30, 2016 at 4:04 PM
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by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 4:46 PM
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Crap! I just wrote a two paragraph response and then lost it all! Anyway, welcome to the group and hugs! I didn't have great advice to give anyways, but I can definitely sympathize. ABA tells me to "ignore" this too and it's extremely difficult to do!

by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 5:23 PM
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Welcome. You ignore what does not have dangerous consequences, most but not everything. Harming or threatening others is not to be tolerated because if it is he might not have the self-control to stop himself from real damage someday. Ignore "I hate you"s, absolutely do not ignore threats or acts of violence aimed at a living thing.

If he has an IEP, make certain it is well spelled out in writing how the school will handle his threats if he ever makes them. Let them know you know, legally standard policy does not apply to SN kids, if the behavior is part of his SN. If he does not have an IEP demand one or possibly consider homeschooling.

by April on Mar. 30, 2016 at 5:36 PM
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Welcome to the group!! My son is 5 and non verbal so I don't know what to say about how to deal with his remarks. Maybe he was just having an off day. I agree with mamalauri about ignoring what you can. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Hugs!!
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2016 at 8:32 PM
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One of my favorite proverbs is "love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most".

When we are stressed and are even just beginning losing control our brains get overloaded we are not at optimal decision making. We are reactionary. We are not thinking with our prefrontal cortex (rational). Words just fly out, sometimes they aren't even accessible.

I think you do need to ignore the words. He is angry. :( let him express that; don't engage.
As far as his not asking for a break, i think he doesn't see how he needs the break til its too late when his words aren't there... Could you do a signal?

by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2016 at 12:15 AM
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My son has a card that says break so he can show it or gesture towarss it. I havent really started using it yet so i dont know how good it will do but it sounds good because he gets hung up on words.

We r still working with the other things you described too. Its hard. All i can say is - i get it. Lots of love.
by Group Admin on Mar. 31, 2016 at 1:11 AM
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I only intervene if she gets physical with her sisters.  I have to remind her siblings and myself sometimes to just ignore it.  Right now she is stuck on the traffic lights that they apparently use at school as warnings if they are going to lose a privilege or go to timeout. 

by Nicole on Mar. 31, 2016 at 5:02 PM
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My son started to do the verbal threats and it's hard! But the answer really was to ignore. The more I talked back at him or told him to stop, the worse it got. But if I just let it play out, then he would calm down. And then I would talk to him. Explaining that we don't threaten mommy. That it's not nice and hurts my feelings. After an awful month, he got the hint. And if he actually got physical, then privileges got taken away.
by Member on Apr. 2, 2016 at 3:03 PM
Thanks for all the advice it was nice to vent a little. He ended up having a few more over the next few days but I found a spot and let him take a time out in it and when it was over and he calmed down he owed me some house work but we acted like it was no big deal and so far it seems to be working. I dont know what it is about this teacher at school because he usually is REALLY good at school and hasnt had big issues until this year. It might just be an overwhelming amount of work or it could be a teacher that just doesnt allow him to have the breaks he needs. Im more terrified for next year though. I hear 3rd grade is much harder with reading comprehension, which is a tantrum trigger, and I think they start real homework too. On top of that his best friend since kindergarten who they alway pair him with is moving. I hope I can nail down a technique before then! You know how things can change with autism though...sighhhh
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