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Don't know what up with him PIOG

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:49 PM
  • 10 Replies
Beginning of summer was rough, then we had a few weeks of okay behavior, and then several weeks of horrid behavior. EVERYTHING is making Zachary angry, sad, or scared. And I mean everything. He's super sensory seeking also. He's swinging his head, stomping (frequently on feet unfortunately), and squeezing our hands and bodies. He's also started punching himself (punching arms and head) when angry or frustrated (which honestly just looks like anger but I know deep down its probably frustration). He's ticking a lot now and says he must complete OCD type behaviors (touch stuff with both hands, if he touches something with his left hand twice he must do the same on the right).

Maybe it's due to school starting up soon but having such extreme behaviors starting a month before school starts seems unlikely. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's starting third grade soon so we'll see how he does there. It's just hard to see him acting "normal" at school and his dad's yet so afflicted when he's with me. I don't understand.
CafeMom Tickers
by on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
magmommy
by Silver Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 2:16 AM
1 mom liked this
i am so sorry it's been so bad. it hurts seeing how much our little ones hurt. i agree its more than just anger. anger has a root cause, it's just so hard figuring out what it is sometimes.

my little girl, shes almost 8, is extrememly sensory seeking and when she was 3 she was like that, sad and crying and fighting all the time. she couldnt control her little body and she felt totally out of whack. she is on focalin now and clonidine. one keeps her calm and the other helps her focus. i hated putting her on meds that early but i had no idea how depressed a 3 yr old could get.(im NOTsaying meds would be the best thing, just thats what we had to do in our situation)

is your son able to talk about it at all? i know in the moment he probably wouldnt be able to but when he's calm later? looking at big changes like school is a good place to start. but if it's not school then what are other big things going on?

you say he acts differently at his dad's and at school? he's comfortable enough with you to let his guard down. let that be encouragement for you, even when it feels like a war zone. i dont know i any of this really helps, but know that I understand your feelings.
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 8:37 AM
I agree that school and Dads are conditional places... Where he HAS to hold it together... You are unconditional and he falls apart with you because it is Ok... And youll love him regardless.

Id wonder if at home with you there is less structure then at school... Which WhO could be AS structured so the expectation there are clearer; hard to sustain for hours, but maybe him knowing your daily schedule (visually) and verbally would help?

I dont want to pry but do you have a psychiatrist/psychologist?
I know he is young but at 8 we considered an antidepressant for my sons severe anxiety. :(

As far as the sensory stuff; how can you help him get that feed back his body needs to feel good? Can you start each day with a handful of sensory exercises?
Jnc91
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 12:49 PM
Quoting magmommy: i am so sorry it's been so bad. it hurts seeing how much our little ones hurt. i agree its more than just anger. anger has a root cause, it's just so hard figuring out what it is sometimes.

my little girl, shes almost 8, is extrememly sensory seeking and when she was 3 she was like that, sad and crying and fighting all the time. she couldnt control her little body and she felt totally out of whack. she is on focalin now and clonidine. one keeps her calm and the other helps her focus. i hated putting her on meds that early but i had no idea how depressed a 3 yr old could get.(im NOTsaying meds would be the best thing, just thats what we had to do in our situation)

is your son able to talk about it at all? i know in the moment he probably wouldnt be able to but when he's calm later? looking at big changes like school is a good place to start. but if it's not school then what are other big things going on?

you say he acts differently at his dad's and at school? he's comfortable enough with you to let his guard down. let that be encouragement for you, even when it feels like a war zone. i dont know i any of this really helps, but know that I understand your feelings.


He's very verbal but he won't tell me what's wrong. If i try to talk to him when he's calm he just blames me for being mean or making him mad. Everything is my fault. Nothing else is new that I know of.
Jnc91
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 5:31 PM
Quoting SamMom912: I agree that school and Dads are conditional places... Where he HAS to hold it together... You are unconditional and he falls apart with you because it is Ok... And youll love him regardless.

Id wonder if at home with you there is less structure then at school... Which WhO could be AS structured so the expectation there are clearer; hard to sustain for hours, but maybe him knowing your daily schedule (visually) and verbally would help?

I dont want to pry but do you have a psychiatrist/psychologist?
I know he is young but at 8 we considered an antidepressant for my sons severe anxiety. :(

As far as the sensory stuff; how can you help him get that feed back his body needs to feel good? Can you start each day with a handful of sensory exercises?


I'm just frustrated since he blames me for everything, even if it doesn't make sense. He spent all day yesterday mad about a sandwich I made him the day before and he thought grandma made it but i did so I was a "liar". He doesn't have a psych but I feel he needs one. I hate to give him meds but when his tics are up and he's so up and down I always start considering it.
emarin77
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 8:44 PM

He needs to learn how to express his anger/frustration correctly.  Teach him to use words," I'm angry." Teach yoga or go to a yoga class.  Karate is good too.  He can also write in a journal or diary his feelings.  Talk with him about his anger/frustration. 

My son use to be very angry as a preschooler and hit me and his father.  We taught him how to use his words during a timeout.  By the time he was 5 he never hit us or another child.

Our son is 8 now and going into 3rd grade too.

Jnc91
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 10:06 PM
Quoting emarin77:

He needs to learn how to express his anger/frustration correctly.  Teach him to use words," I'm angry." Teach yoga or go to a yoga class.  Karate is good too.  He can also write in a journal or diary his feelings.  Talk with him about his anger/frustration. 

My son use to be very angry as a preschooler and hit me and his father.  We taught him how to use his words during a timeout.  By the time he was 5 he never hit us or another child.

Our son is 8 now and going into 3rd grade too.



He is very smart and I've taught him over and over about using his words and modeling ("I see you're frustrated right now..."). He refuses to uses them and just says he hates me and I am stupid.
emarin77
by Gold Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 10:23 PM

Keep teaching him.  It took my husband and I a month in a half for our son to start to not hit us but use his words.  Consistency is what we need for our children.

Quoting Jnc91:
Quoting emarin77:

He needs to learn how to express his anger/frustration correctly.  Teach him to use words," I'm angry." Teach yoga or go to a yoga class.  Karate is good too.  He can also write in a journal or diary his feelings.  Talk with him about his anger/frustration. 

My son use to be very angry as a preschooler and hit me and his father.  We taught him how to use his words during a timeout.  By the time he was 5 he never hit us or another child.

Our son is 8 now and going into 3rd grade too.

He is very smart and I've taught him over and over about using his words and modeling ("I see you're frustrated right now..."). He refuses to uses them and just says he hates me and I am stupid.


chrissara1011
by Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 11:43 PM
My daughter became more aggressive in the spring and then in the fall...it turned out it was allergy related...once we were able to medicate her allergies she stopped being so aggressive..she can bruise or draw blood when she is agitated
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2016 at 8:03 AM
Yeah, that seems very overreactive "liar!" About the sandwich. Have you kept a behavior journal at all for a period of time? Noting how he is sleeping? Eating? Rough patches?

It certainly doesnt hurt to talk with a Dr. You dont have to go thru with meds... Or you could tey them short term.

Is he dysregulated and moody? Is this anxiety fear driven (that was my son- everything was fight/flight! Lots of refusals). Is your son happy & going like a bunny, then down (lots of cycling with mood?)

I read a book a while ago from our library called "how to help your struggling child" or "helping your struggling child". (I look at Amazon & see if I can get name if youre interested) which really was interesting because it was very diagnostic in nature talking about behaviors & diagnosis. Its really what made me think Sam had some AdHD inattentive mixed in to him... In addition to the Autism, gifted, 2 anxiety disorders... So I wasnt surprised when Dr said "we are thinking about adding AdHd med... (Non stim) I was like "yes! Someone else see's it!" Lol!!!



Quoting Jnc91:
Quoting SamMom912: I agree that school and Dads are conditional places... Where he HAS to hold it together... You are unconditional and he falls apart with you because it is Ok... And youll love him regardless.

Id wonder if at home with you there is less structure then at school... Which WhO could be AS structured so the expectation there are clearer; hard to sustain for hours, but maybe him knowing your daily schedule (visually) and verbally would help?

I dont want to pry but do you have a psychiatrist/psychologist?
I know he is young but at 8 we considered an antidepressant for my sons severe anxiety. :(

As far as the sensory stuff; how can you help him get that feed back his body needs to feel good? Can you start each day with a handful of sensory exercises?


I'm just frustrated since he blames me for everything, even if it doesn't make sense. He spent all day yesterday mad about a sandwich I made him the day before and he thought grandma made it but i did so I was a "liar". He doesn't have a psych but I feel he needs one. I hate to give him meds but when his tics are up and he's so up and down I always start considering it.
Jnc91
by Bronze Member on Aug. 8, 2016 at 11:11 AM
Yes he's very overreactive. I haven't been logging but used to when he was younger. I need to start again. He's been sleeping and eating great though. Trying to get him more active but sometimes that's a struggle.

Moodwise he's only really happy if he's watching videos on a his iPad. I'm trying to limit it after a couple days of crying hysterically over me taking it away because he was getting violent when it was time to put it away. He's been doing better yesterday and today so I'm hopefully. He did find out who his teacher was which was a worry of his. I'm going to write up a schedule board for when school starts so he knows when he can have his iPad each day.

I would love the name of that book!

Quoting SamMom912: Yeah, that seems very overreactive "liar!" About the sandwich. Have you kept a behavior journal at all for a period of time? Noting how he is sleeping? Eating? Rough patches?

It certainly doesnt hurt to talk with a Dr. You dont have to go thru with meds... Or you could tey them short term.

Is he dysregulated and moody? Is this anxiety fear driven (that was my son- everything was fight/flight! Lots of refusals). Is your son happy & going like a bunny, then down (lots of cycling with mood?)

I read a book a while ago from our library called "how to help your struggling child" or "helping your struggling child". (I look at Amazon & see if I can get name if youre interested) which really was interesting because it was very diagnostic in nature talking about behaviors & diagnosis. Its really what made me think Sam had some AdHD inattentive mixed in to him... In addition to the Autism, gifted, 2 anxiety disorders... So I wasnt surprised when Dr said "we are thinking about adding AdHd med... (Non stim) I was like "yes! Someone else see's it!" Lol!!!



Quoting Jnc91:
Quoting SamMom912: I agree that school and Dads are conditional places... Where he HAS to hold it together... You are unconditional and he falls apart with you because it is Ok... And youll love him regardless.

Id wonder if at home with you there is less structure then at school... Which WhO could be AS structured so the expectation there are clearer; hard to sustain for hours, but maybe him knowing your daily schedule (visually) and verbally would help?

I dont want to pry but do you have a psychiatrist/psychologist?
I know he is young but at 8 we considered an antidepressant for my sons severe anxiety. :(

As far as the sensory stuff; how can you help him get that feed back his body needs to feel good? Can you start each day with a handful of sensory exercises?


I'm just frustrated since he blames me for everything, even if it doesn't make sense. He spent all day yesterday mad about a sandwich I made him the day before and he thought grandma made it but i did so I was a "liar". He doesn't have a psych but I feel he needs one. I hate to give him meds but when his tics are up and he's so up and down I always start considering it.
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