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She bit me!

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 10:18 AM
  • 6 Replies
My daughter was having a fit & I had to hold her so she wouldn't harm herself.

I had her sitting in my lap facing away from me..basically just hugging her.

She pulls her hair when she gets mad that's why I hold her til she calms down.

Well she bit me!

I was in shock and of course let her free.

What would you do to discipline her if she was your kid? She's 7.
by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 10:18 AM
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Replies (1-6):
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 10:57 AM
Nothing at this point. But I would talk with her when things are calm.

IMO in the heat of the moment none of us thinks clearly and we make really bad decisions. When she is having a hard time youre restraining her may not be whats working for her. And in the heat of the moment during our very human fight or flight responses we Dont make good decisions. We make impulsive decisions. I know you are afraid of her hurting herself, but what would she do if not restrained?

If you talk with her during a calm time. Im sure you could figure out together a plan for when she is upset. That means she may or may not want to be held. She may want to be left alone. She may want to punch a pillow or scream into thenpillow.

Ground rules set going forward are no hitting, no biting. This is when you set the expectation and the concequence for NOT meeting the expectation. Until these ground rules are set; until you have an action plan of what YOU will do during a meltdown & what she CAN do IMO punishment isnt called for.

For us when Sam is having a hard time He goes to his room. He can hit pillows, scream into pillows, scream behind a closed door, all fine. He needs me to NOT talk to him. He needs me to sit outside the door and be quiet. We have this plan. Until he opens his own door I cant open the door. If I ask him if he is Ok he needs to respond- he can say "im pissed!" Lol.. But not answering he knows I worry he isnt ok. These are the rules
If he hits me he loses all electronics for 24hrs. He has not hit me in months. He hits a pillow.
If he curses/distespectful AT me (not into a pillow) he loses electronics for rest of day (

You can pretend at one point that she IS having a meltdown to practice what she CAN do.

But IMO until you have an action plan and a clear set of rules and concequences --- punishment for our kids seems random and rarely influences behavior going forward.

You could also try to incentivize. Next time she follows the action plan when upset she can get x reward.
futuremrsclark
by Lindsie on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:23 AM
I hold her bc she will pull clumps of hair out.

She already has bald spots that I pray fill back in.

She also will pick her nose til it bleeds, scratch herself, pinch herself til she has a bruise.

She does have anger issues & is usually pretty good about going into her book tent until she's calm.

I have a feeling we're in for a tough day with her. She got pissed because I dropped her hair brush.

Quoting SamMom912: Nothing at this point. But I would talk with her when things are calm.

IMO in the heat of the moment none of us thinks clearly and we make really bad decisions. When she is having a hard time youre restraining her may not be whats working for her. And in the heat of the moment during our very human fight or flight responses we Dont make good decisions. We make impulsive decisions. I know you are afraid of her hurting herself, but what would she do if not restrained?

If you talk with her during a calm time. Im sure you could figure out together a plan for when she is upset. That means she may or may not want to be held. She may want to be left alone. She may want to punch a pillow or scream into thenpillow.

Ground rules set going forward are no hitting, no biting. This is when you set the expectation and the concequence for NOT meeting the expectation. Until these ground rules are set; until you have an action plan of what YOU will do during a meltdown & what she CAN do IMO punishment isnt called for.

For us when Sam is having a hard time He goes to his room. He can hit pillows, scream into pillows, scream behind a closed door, all fine. He needs me to NOT talk to him. He needs me to sit outside the door and be quiet. We have this plan. Until he opens his own door I cant open the door. If I ask him if he is Ok he needs to respond- he can say "im pissed!" Lol.. But not answering he knows I worry he isnt ok. These are the rules
If he hits me he loses all electronics for 24hrs. He has not hit me in months. He hits a pillow.
If he curses/distespectful AT me (not into a pillow) he loses electronics for rest of day (

You can pretend at one point that she IS having a meltdown to practice what she CAN do.

But IMO until you have an action plan and a clear set of rules and concequences --- punishment for our kids seems random and rarely influences behavior going forward.

You could also try to incentivize. Next time she follows the action plan when upset she can get x reward.
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:56 AM
1 mom liked this
I hope your day gets better! Well, at least you know to tread lightly, if brush dropping set her off.

You could try giving her other things to pick, other things to pull. See if they fill that need.
It must be incredibly hard to have her hurting herself. :( i can see why you feel the need to hold her; but... She isnt getting smaller or weaker. :( and setting up alternate behaviors with rewards may help change these. :(.

Hard! Hugs to you!

Quoting futuremrsclark: I hold her bc she will pull clumps of hair out.

She already has bald spots that I pray fill back in.

She also will pick her nose til it bleeds, scratch herself, pinch herself til she has a bruise.

She does have anger issues & is usually pretty good about going into her book tent until she's calm.

I have a feeling we're in for a tough day with her. She got pissed because I dropped her hair brush.

Quoting SamMom912: Nothing at this point. But I would talk with her when things are calm.

IMO in the heat of the moment none of us thinks clearly and we make really bad decisions. When she is having a hard time youre restraining her may not be whats working for her. And in the heat of the moment during our very human fight or flight responses we Dont make good decisions. We make impulsive decisions. I know you are afraid of her hurting herself, but what would she do if not restrained?

If you talk with her during a calm time. Im sure you could figure out together a plan for when she is upset. That means she may or may not want to be held. She may want to be left alone. She may want to punch a pillow or scream into thenpillow.

Ground rules set going forward are no hitting, no biting. This is when you set the expectation and the concequence for NOT meeting the expectation. Until these ground rules are set; until you have an action plan of what YOU will do during a meltdown & what she CAN do IMO punishment isnt called for.

For us when Sam is having a hard time He goes to his room. He can hit pillows, scream into pillows, scream behind a closed door, all fine. He needs me to NOT talk to him. He needs me to sit outside the door and be quiet. We have this plan. Until he opens his own door I cant open the door. If I ask him if he is Ok he needs to respond- he can say "im pissed!" Lol.. But not answering he knows I worry he isnt ok. These are the rules
If he hits me he loses all electronics for 24hrs. He has not hit me in months. He hits a pillow.
If he curses/distespectful AT me (not into a pillow) he loses electronics for rest of day (

You can pretend at one point that she IS having a meltdown to practice what she CAN do.

But IMO until you have an action plan and a clear set of rules and concequences --- punishment for our kids seems random and rarely influences behavior going forward.

You could also try to incentivize. Next time she follows the action plan when upset she can get x reward.
LadyAmaranth
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 12:00 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm sorry.
Heck my 12 year old does that when he's in a flip out mode.
I've just learned to put his arms in a way that his mouth can't reach me.
As for discipline my kids have a reward/consequence chart that is used. In a situation like yours(I have 3 on the Spectrum) I would put them to the red line and they'd have to do a chore after they are in their room chilling for a bit and they'd go to bed early and have no fun(they'd not be allowed to play outside, play games, etc) for the next couple hours, at least.

futuremrsclark
by Lindsie on Aug. 18, 2016 at 5:28 PM
I've tried to get her to pull apart cotton balls..play doh..

Told her to pinch her pillow..even bought her a bear just to pinch or tug on the fur

I haven't had any success..she's even on meds and they haven't helped & she's in therapieS

Quoting SamMom912: I hope your day gets better! Well, at least you know to tread lightly, if brush dropping set her off.

You could try giving her other things to pick, other things to pull. See if they fill that need.
It must be incredibly hard to have her hurting herself. :( i can see why you feel the need to hold her; but... She isnt getting smaller or weaker. :( and setting up alternate behaviors with rewards may help change these. :(.

Hard! Hugs to you!

Quoting futuremrsclark: I hold her bc she will pull clumps of hair out.

She already has bald spots that I pray fill back in.

She also will pick her nose til it bleeds, scratch herself, pinch herself til she has a bruise.

She does have anger issues & is usually pretty good about going into her book tent until she's calm.

I have a feeling we're in for a tough day with her. She got pissed because I dropped her hair brush.

Quoting SamMom912: Nothing at this point. But I would talk with her when things are calm.

IMO in the heat of the moment none of us thinks clearly and we make really bad decisions. When she is having a hard time youre restraining her may not be whats working for her. And in the heat of the moment during our very human fight or flight responses we Dont make good decisions. We make impulsive decisions. I know you are afraid of her hurting herself, but what would she do if not restrained?

If you talk with her during a calm time. Im sure you could figure out together a plan for when she is upset. That means she may or may not want to be held. She may want to be left alone. She may want to punch a pillow or scream into thenpillow.

Ground rules set going forward are no hitting, no biting. This is when you set the expectation and the concequence for NOT meeting the expectation. Until these ground rules are set; until you have an action plan of what YOU will do during a meltdown & what she CAN do IMO punishment isnt called for.

For us when Sam is having a hard time He goes to his room. He can hit pillows, scream into pillows, scream behind a closed door, all fine. He needs me to NOT talk to him. He needs me to sit outside the door and be quiet. We have this plan. Until he opens his own door I cant open the door. If I ask him if he is Ok he needs to respond- he can say "im pissed!" Lol.. But not answering he knows I worry he isnt ok. These are the rules
If he hits me he loses all electronics for 24hrs. He has not hit me in months. He hits a pillow.
If he curses/distespectful AT me (not into a pillow) he loses electronics for rest of day (

You can pretend at one point that she IS having a meltdown to practice what she CAN do.

But IMO until you have an action plan and a clear set of rules and concequences --- punishment for our kids seems random and rarely influences behavior going forward.

You could also try to incentivize. Next time she follows the action plan when upset she can get x reward.
futuremrsclark
by Lindsie on Aug. 18, 2016 at 5:38 PM
She doesn't have a chart but she does lose being able to sleep with me & she hates sleeping alone.

I also make her write sentences & stand in front of the door in timeout bc she hates those things too.

I've tried reward charts..she doesn't care.

She'll take me losing my patience over me praising her for good behavior any day.

Quoting LadyAmaranth:

I'm sorry.Heck my 12 year old does that when he's in a flip out mode. I've just learned to put his arms in a way that his mouth can't reach me.As for discipline my kids have a reward/consequence chart that is used. In a situation like yours(I have 3 on the Spectrum) I would put them to the red line and they'd have to do a chore after they are in their room chilling for a bit and they'd go to bed early and have no fun(they'd not be allowed to play outside, play games, etc) for the next couple hours, at least.

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